Embracing The Season

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Like all of life, motherhood is made up of countless seasons that follow each other with change, just as in nature. There's the adjusting-to-life-with-your-first-baby season. Remember that one? What an adjustment it was! Then, after the seasons of smiling and crawling, walking, and talking, there was perhaps the season of adjusting to life with two.  And more seasons followed.

The season I'm in right now, with four kids six and under and homeschooling one, is not terribly productive in terms of accomplishing lots of noticeable work. Dishes are always piled in the sink. I can get them done, but then a new batch comes in, and you'd never notice--unless you had an inventory list--that I really had washed, dried, and put away a previous batch. The laundry is getting washed, but being put away? Full laundry baskets all over my house testify that the clothes aren't making into the drawers and closets.  Many days, my nearly three-year old is still in his jammies at 10 o'clock in the morning (and sometimes his older brother, too). Much to my chagrin, PBS cartoons educate the kids first thing in the morning, while I nurse my newborn upstairs. (At least they're educational!)

I can either feel like a failure for all the things that aren't getting done each day, or I can embrace the season I'm in right now. With joy. See, I realized--after too many days of feeling depressed and beating myself up for how miserably I was falling behind--that this is just a season. This is what the season of being a stay-at-home mom, with four under six (including a newborn), and homeschooling looks like. Do I want to look back on it down the road, when I'm in a different season, and regret how I felt defeated and discouraged each day? How I just wanted to hurry up and get to a more productive season? Or, do I want to look back with no regrets--remembering instead, that even though it may have looked unproductive according to measurable standards, we had joy. We lived each day to its fullest. I didn't try to change the way it was. I changed me instead.

That's what I want. A transformed heart that recognizes I can't do it all. So the dishes and laundry can stack up during this season, just as long as I am cheerfully loving my husband and children and making memories that I can look back on and cherish--not regret.

How about you? What season do you find yourself in now? How can you find more joy in it?  What tips have you found to help you embrace it fully?

Under The Dark Cape

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You know you're having a mom's-in-need-of-mercy moment when you're at the salon, trying to get a haircut, while also trying to manage your hungry, crying newborn baby. The "rock-the-baby-in-the-car-seat-with-a binky-in-her-mouth" trick worked long enough to get through the shampooing. Then she fell asleep for half of the haircut. But when she woke up, she was not a happy camper. The pacifier no longer pacified. The haircut was only half done. What to do?

Enter: the dark cape.

Sounds like the title for a new Batman movie, hugh?

I decided it was in everyone's best interest to take her out of her car seat, which I was holding sideways on my lap to keep falling hair off her, and slip her under the cape, where I could nurse her.

It's funny how the breastfeeding-in-public (even under a cape where no one can see) debate can affect one's judgements at the time. It was completely in my baby's best interest to feed her. It was in everyone else's, too.

Still, I hesitated. What will people think? Will someone be offended that I'm nursing my baby during a hair cut? (Someone had already made a comment, while my baby was crying, that she never wanted "a thing coming out of her," and that "it just wasn't worth it" after I said motherhood can be challenging at times but it's also a great joy.) Obviously, it wasn't the optimum situation with a supportive crowd. (For the record, I normally have no problem nursing under a blanket if I'm out and about somewhere, although I do aim to find a private place, such as a fitting room, if possible).

It wasn't supposed to happen like this. My baby was supposed to be home during this haircut, happily napping. If she woke up while I was still away, my husband or father (who's visiting right now) could feed her a bottle. But I ended up having to take her in for an emergency doctor's visit at the same time I was scheduled for a hair cut.

See, just before my hair appointment, I had called the doctor about what I thought was an infected eye due to a blocked tear duct. The area was a little puffy, and she had some discoloration under her eye. The doctor wanted to see her right away, since I guess the infection can become so serious that the baby needs to be admitted to the hospital for IV antibiotics. It wasn't exactly like I could say, "Well, I was just about out the door for my haircut, so could this wait 'til tomorrow?" Bad mom of the year award right there.

So we went to the doctor's office together and we went to the salon together. (They let me push the appointment back a little).

In hindsight, I wish I would have felt more confident to nurse my newborn sooner. It wasn't like I was whippin' it out for everyone to see, after all. She was under the dark cape.

As women, we so aim to please everyone. We worry what others will think. This sensitivity is polite, to some extent, but not so great when we compromise the needs of those most vulnerable--such as our newborn babies--to cater, instead, to the opinions and possible judgements of those with much larger stomachs and bigger brains.

This Coffee Talk Thursday, I'd love to talk about your experiences with breastfeeding in public. Do you feel comfortable nursing out and about (under a blanket or similar covering)? Have you ever had a negative experience with it? Let's chat! 

The Rise of Mommy Cliques: Are You "In" or "Out"?

I've always been quite outgoing. In high school, I was involved in a lot of activities, had a lot of friends, was on homecoming court, and was voted "most friendly" my senior year. Despite all that, even though it seems silly now, there was a certain group of girls that I wanted to be included with. I was on the outskirts of their clique--in enough to hear what my friends did on the weekend, but not quite "in" enough to be invited to those activities. Sometimes it stung a little.

We're not in high school anymore, but we still find cliques. A group of mommy friends gets together to do something and leaves us out. Or perhaps there's a party, and our mom friends and their kids are all invited--except we're not. Even though we're more mature now, I don't know how old we have to be for that sting to disappear.

Clique is defined by Merriam-Webster as "a narrow exclusive circle or group of persons; especially : one held together by common interests, views, or purposes."

Sure, we all have friends we click with more than others. That's natural. But I think the problem with the clique lies in the key word "exclusive." When our group of friends consistently does exclusive things together, exclusively, we leave others out who might want to be in and open the door to potential hurt feelings. I wish I could say this doesn't happen in the church, but I see it there, too (maybe largely in part to the fact that, as a stay-at-home, homeschooling mommy, it's the biggest social network in my life).

So what's one to do? Here are a few ideas that help me:

• Hang out with our own clique. I think it's helpful to realize that as wives and mothers now, our family is our clique. They're the people we hang out with the most, and they're the ones we should most enjoy hanging out with. We may be left out of a group of women, but we are never left out of our most important group!
• Celebrate the friends we do have. I would rather have a few very close friends, whom I can talk with deeply, than a group of friends where the talk is typically trivial.
• Consider. When getting together with friends, think about if there is anyone you're leaving out of your invitation that maybe you should include. Be sensitive to who might need the fellowship. With Facebook and other social media, it's super easy to blast out an open-ended invitation to local friends.
• Remember. Remember that the definition of a clique is an exclusive group. Consistently inviting only the same people to get-togethers is probably a clue that the group's crossed into clique territory. We're way past high school. Let's get past the clique mentality, too, and open our friendship circles up to more people.

"My [sisters], as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don't show favoritism. Suppose a [woman] comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor [woman] in shabby clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the [woman] wearing fine clothes...have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?"
--James 2:1-4

This Coffee Talk Thursday, I'd love to hear if you've experienced mommy cliques and how you've dealt with it maturely (and your ideas on how to prevent hurting others' feelings through them).

(linked up with Works for Me Wednesday)

Coffee Talk: Where Did The Memories Go?

Baby Lauren - Two weeks old

One of the things I love most about having a new infant is that each reminds me of the other. Glimpses of an older' sibling's face as an infant in the newborn's face causes a fleeting memory of that stage with that child. Yet, the memories are shadowy, not solid. It's as if they disappeared in the fog of lack of sleep and the sea of busyness and demands of days spent mothering more than one child.

What happens to all those memories? Why can it be so difficult to recall each child's newborn phase (or aspects of other phases, in general)? Certainly, there are many moments I remember, but there are also many others I don't. It seems the ones I remember best are those that I will myself to remember, as if I intentionally take a mental snapshot and save it on the hard drive of my brain.

While we were talking about this, my husband shared a great point: magnificent as they are, our minds--specifically our memories--can only hold so much. We can't possibly catalog and recall everything. So we have to be intentional about what we choose to store. And we have to slow down a little so we can effectively store it.

I came across this quote on Elizabeth Foss' blog and think it ties in perfectly:

“…the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make…I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of [my children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4, and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.” --Anna Quindlen

Have you found this to be true in your own life as well? How do you think we can enlarge our memory bank?

On Being Pleasant

Confession: I haven't been a particularly pleasant person to be around the past few days. I hope you wouldn't notice this outside of my home, but my family would probably attest to the fact that I've been short and snappy with them--and things in general--more often than not.

 

Have I felt justified? Sure. I may have plenty of reasons for being unpleasant, but those don't matter. I need to be pleasant. In fact, I think we are all called to be. Here's a few good reasons why:

• 1 Cor. 13:4, 5--"Love is patient, love is kind...It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs."
• Ephesians 4:32--"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
• 1 Thess. 5:15--"Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else. Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (I think the "praying continually" is where we gain the grace and find the strength to fulfill all that this verse calls us to.)
• Titus 2:5 younger women are called "to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind..." (bold mine)
• Gal. 5:22 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."

 I read this today and think it also ties in well (and is a great verse when it comes to training our children:
"A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult." (Proverbs 12:16)

I think what it boils down to is--when we try to take on too much, we too easily snap. I didn't realize it fully until my mom said she feels like I'm on overload (definition: "too load too heavily, an excessive load.")
Gosh. I don't feel like I'm loaded too heavily or carrying an excessive load (after all, I just delivered our seven pound baby!).

Loving my husband and my children, looking after our needs and caring for my home are not heavy burdens; they are my calling and my delight. But somewhere in there the transmission went on the fritz. Nothing that can't be repaired with a healthy dose of prayer, Scripture, reflection, great heart-to-heart talks with my husband and even with the children.

Today I knew I had to lighten the load. At first, I felt a little anxious taking large chunks of time away from responsibilities inside the house to spend time enjoying the beautiful day outside with my kids. But then I realized being with them was exactly what I needed to be doing. So we took blankets, a book, the baby, and a big cup of water and spent the entire afternoon outside on the lawn doing nothing but being together and enjoying each other. And it was so refreshing.

I reread this today, and it says it all so perfectly:

"When your first baby was born, chances are you treated him with the utmost kindness and careful respect. I'm willing to bet that child never heard you yell for the first couple of years. But as he grew and you added to your family, as the pressure to meet the needs of many individuals mounted, you became a taskmaster. The focus in your relationship shifted in subtle waves over time. Now, you are utterly exhausted and those relationships you hold most dear have deteriorated...

We are in authority over our children. God put us there. That does not mean that we must be tyrants. That does not give us license to berate, belittle, or scream at them. That does not allow us to excuse our own weakness and impatience. Remember: Charity, above all. Be a friend to your child. Listen with interest. Speak with courtesy. Think of him as a friend...

What does this have to do with burnout? Everything. When you treat your children as treasured friends, so much of the tension that has built in your household will dissipate. You will begin to relax and enjoy your role as a mother. You will recapture the exuberance and innocence of those early days. You will once again delight in the humorous antics and refreshing sweetness of little children. You will savor long and interesting conversations with a young teenager who is just beginning to make sense of the world. Mama will be happier, and so will her children"--Elizabeth Foss, Real Learning: Education in the Heart of the Home

To sum it up: Stress over lesser things stopped me from savoring those who matter to me most. It made me uptight and unpleasant. I think I've got it lined out now. These experiences are all profitable if we reflect on them and grow in grace, becoming more Christlike, through them.

Coffee Talk: Dealing with Chaos to the nth Degree

No baby yet; just a busy week around here! For today's Coffee Talk, I thought I'd share a reflection that has really helped me grow in grace with motherhood.

The potential for chaos expands as the number of children grows. With only one child, a tantrum or a whining spell may certainly be difficult to endure, but it is still much easier than dealing with two tantrums at the same time, or two kids whining about something, which is easier than three, and on and on as we add more children to the mix. At the same time, the kids may be behaving fairly well, with no one child doing anything particularly horrendous (let's say playing with finger paints). But the sheer combination of multiple children doing multiple things or making multiple messes can really stress us out. The sum is greater than the parts.

I read a recent example about kitchen helpers. One child wanting to help mix up a batch of cookie dough would be endearing. "Mommy, can I help you measure and mix?" Melts your heart. We have all the patience in the world for those kind of sweet bonding moments. But when three small children are clamoring on chairs all at the same time, and asking--all at the same time--to help add ingredients and mix, our blood pressure rises beyond what is natural. We went from a charming memory to a stressed-out situation where Mom is fighting to keep her cool, simply by adding more kids to the mix.  But it's not their fault; they're each individually trying to do what would be endearing to us if they were the only one doing it. It's just that the whole is greater than the parts. But it's up to us to find the grace to deal with these situations--to stay calm in our own spirits while still seeing them as individuals in a collective group.

So when I've found myself approaching my maximum tolerance level, I pray for more grace for the moment, and I remind myself that I should not react to my children as a collective group, but as individuals. See and respond to what each one individually is doing; don't lose it with all of them when maybe only one out of three (soon-to-be four) needs focused attention or discipline. Does that make sense?

As I was thinking through all of this, I came across this excellent post, which offers more encouragement on not allowing ourselves to hit the tipping point. Here's an excerpt:

 "Throughout your day you may have several opportunities to lose the grip. You don’t need to. You may pass up that opportunity. Having the feeling is not the indisputable sign that this must happen. Losing the bubble is a conscious decision that you can avoid making. It takes “getting the grace” to pass it by. I think we all know what it is like to have a great big emotional door in front of us. You may charge on through, or turn and pass it by. When you feel the emotional surge coming at you (a bit like sitting at the top of a slide), get the grace. Hold your tongue, and blow it out. Pray that God will give you self control. Walk away from it. It is much harder to get off a slide while screaming around the second corner half way down with your hair blowing in the wind. Also harder for your husband to get you off the slide.  Just don’t go down it. Much better for everyone!"--Grace on the Fly

I would love for us to have a coffee talk as moms about situations when we're most tempted to blow the gasket and how we can stop ourselves. I'd love to hear how you've grown in grace in this regard and any wisdom you've come upon that can help us all. Blessings!

Coffee Talk: Break Time for Mom

"Most moms of young children report that it is not a single major crisis that brings them to the edge of breakdown. Rather, it is the constant accumulation of everyday hassles. With no breaks."
--Elisa Morgan & Carol Kuykendall, What Every Mom Needs

As moms, we are all in need of mercy...every single day, and several times every day. We love our children, we enjoy them, but when we're breaking up a squabble for the tenth time, or trying to keep one from biting another for the third time, or putting ice on the eye that just got a block thrown at it from a brother, or helping the one who's having a high-drama day, we grow weary. It's taxing. We crave a break. This quote sums it up perfectly: 

"Moms of preschoolers are said to be the most exhausted, fatigued, and worn-out strata of our society. Functioning on little sleep, unbalanced nutrition, little exercise, and frazzled nerves, we're expected to constantly juggle a jumble of balls without ever dropping one or losing our footing." --What Every Mom Needs

Elisa Morgan writes that "moms of preschoolers have a basic, undeniable need to take a break before they break." It doesn't have to be a long break. It can even be a mini-break--a few minutes in the midst of what otherwise feels like chaos to gain perspective. Here are some ideas:

• Feed your spirit with prayer, reading a Psalm or another portion of Scripture. Read it aloud to the kids too. Talk about redeeming the day.
• Laugh and lighten up.
• Pace yourself with chores.
• Sit down and play with the kids for a few minutes.
• Get some fresh air and exercise. Take a hike! Take the kids to the park.

Another idea, which cracked me up when I read about it because it's so true is "Wal-Marting":
"Wal-Marting goes something like this: My day has gotten progressively worse. Any slight deviation from routine sets off my temper. My children seem particularly fussy. We run out of juice midday. The kitten keeps using the couch as a scratching post. Two unexpected bills come in the mail, and I get four phone calls during naptime. I can hardly wait for my husband to get home from work. As he walks through the door and asks me how my day has been, I explain that I am in need of some alone time. He says he'll see me later. I hop in the car and head to Wal-Mart."--What Every Mom Needs

Many times, I have felt the same way. It isn't a manicure or a pedicure or a massage that I crave in those moments; my idea of a splurge is hopping over to Sam's Club or Target or Wal-Mart for a few minutes without the kids just to walk around and browse. I don't even have to buy anything. Just being somewhere alone for a few minutes, where I can look at things without also keeping on eye on the kids and answering the "Mommy, can we get this?" questions that come every few seconds, restores sanity.

All this being said, I was convicted once about the philosophy of "me-time." I wrote about it here. We must remember that Jesus said we would find our lives in laying down our lives for others. So we don't always need to escape from the house and the realities of life as mom; we just need to find a way to refresh our spirits in the midst of it all.

But still...we're not perfect as He is perfect. Sometimes we need a few minutes to get it together. (I think this is why the Internet is so popular...quick break in the midst of a hectic day). What are your favorite ways to take a break?

Coffee Talk: What Do You Make When You Don't Feel Like Cooking?

It seems like it happens every summer: the desire to labor in the kitchen, creating a nice meal, is just not there when the temps are high. Aside from it being hot outside (and inside--we don't have air conditioning), I'm very pregnant, and I want to make something quick and easy. So what are some easy summer stand-by meals for those "don't-want-to-cook" nights?

• Sloppy joes, salad
• tacos or taco salad (it's great to have browned ground beef already to go in freezer baggies that you can just pull out, put in a pan, warm slowly with a little water and season accordingly)
• Quesadillas
• Putting chicken or another meat in the crockpot with BBQ sauce, Italian dressing, or another sauce
• Eggs (veggie omelets, scrambled eggs--plain or with veggies and cheese)
• Giving meat to my husband to grill

I'd love to hear your ideas for what you turn to for these hot summer nights when you have to feed your family but wish you didn't. :)

Why I Don't Buy Organic Milk

As moms, we pay close attention to our grocery dollars. We choose which foods our family's hard-earned money will purchase and which foods we'll say no to in the interest of health, nutrition and expense. One of the big debates today is organic versus non-organic--specifically with regard to milk. You'll read horror stories about non-organic dairies--the foods fed to the cows, the over-crowded feedlots, the antibiotics and steroids pumped into the cows that reportedly makes its way into the milk we drink. I read one blog post once where a mom compared buying non-organic milk to buying her family illicit drugs. A little over the top, in my opinion.

Yet, one of the first lessons I learned as a news reporter was to choose your sources carefully. First-hand sources are the most reliable and trustworthy. Therefore, my opinion that the arguments against regular milk are largely untrue is based on first-hand information from one of my best friends, whose parents and in-laws both own large dairies in California. Plus, the Central Valley area in which she lives produces something like 90% of the nation's milk. I'd say she's a pretty reliable source. So you can read and believe what other sources tell you about dairies, or you can believe her first-hand account. Here's the truth of what happens on a dairy, according to my friend.

First of all, the cows are the farmers' livelihood. This means great time and expense is devoted to taking excellent care of the herd. The better cared for they are, the better their milk will be, and the greater the profit for the dairy. (Plus, many of these dairy families are committed Christians, and so there are stewardship issues and deep personal values involved in caring for their cows).

My friend told me nutritionists come often and check the cows' pH-levels, to see if they are alkaline or acidic. Their diets are adjusted accordingly. Few of us monitor our diet and nutrition as closely as these cows are checked. My friend said they grow their own corn, but in addition, citrus producers send surplus citrus, almond producers send almond wholes, and other healthful foods are ground up and fed to the cows as well. Plus, yes, they are also turned out to pasture where they can graze on grass.

Contrary to public opinion, they do not administer steroids to the cows to help them make milk faster. Plus, most milk cartons these days are printed with a statement that the milk is from cows not treated with rBST growth hormones. I don't know where that idea got perpetuated, but I believe the vast majority of dairies do not employ the dreadful practices the organic-milk crowd rails against them.

Yet, here's my favorite, most convincing argument about the safety of non-organic milk:

My friend's family's dairy is made up of 2,200 head of milk cows. One day, one cow was on a trace amount of antibiotics. This cow accidentally made it in the milking line. Oh-oh, right? Antibiotics in our milk. Wrong. When the milk truck came to take the milk, mandatory testing (performed on the milk every time it is picked up) detected that trace amount of antibiotic--from one cow out of 2,200. The entire tank of milk had to be dumped, per FDA regulations. So since this is true, how in the world can people say that cows' antibiotics make it into the milk we drink? It just doesn't happen.

Here is some additional proof:

"Sick dairy cows treated with antibiotics for humane reasons go through an FDA-prescribed withdrawal time that varies, based on the antibiotic and the animal’s illness. This means that during the withdrawal time, the sick animal’s milk and the antibiotics are kept out of the milk supply. The FDA also has set strict standards for the presence of antibiotics in milk, and each and every milk tanker is tested for the presence of the important antibiotics before the milk is allowed to enter the milk processing facility. The milk from the rare tanker truck which has been accidentally contaminated is discarded and does not enter the human food chain." Source:  http://www.realcaliforniamilk.com/farm-life/animal-care/animal-faqs/

Additionally, with the radiation issues coming from Japan, my friend shared with me that we are all safer if we do not rely on any one dairy or farm--organic or not--for our milk, eggs, and meat. This is because if a radiation cloud were to contaminate a farm, or radiation got into the feed, we would be exposed to that radiation through the cow's milk, let's say. If it were our only source of milk, its effects would be highly concentrated in our bodies. But if we bought our milk at the store from a wide range of producers, any effects from possible radiation at one farm would be dispersed and lessened in our bodies. Does that make sense?

Going back to the heart of the issue, my friend lives just down the road from an organic dairy. She really believes her family takes better care of her cows and devotes more time and attention to them than the organic dairy does.

If, after reading this, you are still convinced you want to dedicate some of your grocery budget to organic milk, that's fine. But if you are on the fence about it all, I hope this report helps convince you that non-organic milk is really ok. Don't believe everything you read against non-organic dairies. Listen to dairy farmers themselves. Hear what they have to say about their farms and practices (a great source is realcaliforniamilk.com), and then make a decision for yourself.

I'd love to hear your opinion of it all, and if you have any questions, I'll see if I can get them answered for you. (My friend, a conventional California dairy farmer, shared in a post here about the nutrition and care they give their cows, and her take on why organic is a non-issue when it comes to milk, in her professional opinion. That post of mine is here).
(linked to Works for Me Wednesday)

Cash Envelopes and Financial Peace

We've been faithfully using our cash envelope system for about six months now, and I love it. At first I wished our budget allowed for a larger amount to go into the various envelopes, but after adjusting to that, I really like the discipline it forces. If we don't have the money in the envelope, we simply don't buy whatever it may be that we'd otherwise be interested in. Sure, this means we aren't doing a lot recreationally, for example. But what we do choose to do or purchase, we enjoy more, because we're making a very conscious choice to use money in that way (and most likely we had to save up for it).

This higher degree of discipline with our money has enabled us to pay off all but $400-some dollars on my OB bill of $4,114 plus a $440 ultrasound, plus about $100-worth of labs. I also see God's supernatural hand of provision in there, because I can't believe we've been able to do that. We'll still have a hospital bill, but this experience encourages me that we'll find a way to get that paid off too. (Prayers for a healthy, non-complicated birth and baby are much appreciated!).

We found that the restriction of using the cash envelope system brings about financial peace. Once we learn to live within the budget, we have greater control over our money. There are no longer the $10-here, $20-there "small" purchases with the debit card (or uncategorized cash) that can add up to $50 or more a month. If I look in our food envelope, for example, and see that we're dipping below a certain point, and I still have groceries to buy, there will not be any running through the Wendy's drive-thru on a night I may not feel like cooking. We're telling our money where it's going, and we're making thoughtful decisions about it. This discipline allows the money to grow. It feels good.

The other benefit of the cash envelope system is that we're faithfully putting money into categories, such as our home, that previously never got funded. We'd always look at our checking balance and feel like we couldn't afford to spend money on this or that, so we wouldn't, unless it was an emergency. This way, we're designating some money each check to those previously unfunded categories. If we don't need to spend it, it grows. We'll be able to paint the house or purchase new carpet at some point, because we can see that the money's there.

So this Coffee Talk Thursday, let's talk budgets. Do you use one? Do you love it, or do you find a budget too restrictive? If so, I would encourage you to give it another try. I know some of you have said in the past that you use an electronic budget instead of a cash-envelope system. That's great, too. The envelopes just work better for me, since the cash is more tangible. I'd love to hear what's working for you.

(Linked to Frugal Friday)

Coffee Talk: Criticism from Within

Last week, our neighbor--whom we thought we had a great relationship with--threw away one of our kids' toys, which our two-year old had managed to toss over the fence. When the boys asked several days later if they could please have their toy back, and she told them she had thrown it away, I told her I was surprised she would do something like that without first notifying my husband or me. This began a conversation in which she said many harsh and hurtful things. Her words, and the things she brought up, revealed an attitude of bitterness that apparently has been growing, unbeknownst to us, for quite some time.

Being on the receiving end of critical accusations--especially when they seem to come out of left field--is shocking and hurtful. What makes it even more painful is when they come not from a stranger, but from someone with whom you have a relationship. Whether it's a friend, a neighbor, or a family member, when mean things are said and situations are looked at from their perspective in a way that you feel is neither accurate nor reasonable, the relationship suffers harm.

First, you have to process what happened and work through it. We pray for grace and mercy to keep any bitter roots from springing up. But, there's still the practical aspect that the relationship will feel awkward for awhile. It helps if both sides can talk maturely about what happened and seek to be reconciled. But when one side is not interested in reconciliation, that starts a whole other grieving process. I think the best we can do is to continue to pray about the situation (and the person's heart) and seek to keep our own heart pure before the Lord.

As Christians, we are called to forgive and love one another. We can't control other people's behavior or thoughts, but we can seek to live out the words of Colossians 3:12-16:

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them together in perfect unity.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God."

This Coffee Talk Thursday, I'm wondering if you've ever had something similar happen to you and how you dealt with it. Did the relationship heal? How did that come about?

Coffee Talk: Why I Both Love and Hate Couponing

I consider myself a fairly frugal shopper. I love finding bargains, I rarely buy anything full price, and for the most part, I discipline my purchases to only buy what we truly need. So when it comes to using coupons, I find I can often do better by either not buying the item to begin with--finding, instead, a more frugal alternative or doing without altogether.  However, I still like to peruse the coupon inserts in the Sunday paper and on Internet sites like coupons.com. Usually, I'll find at least a few that I can use, and I'll save a bit more money at the store by pairing these coupons with good sales.

So what I love about coupons is the extra savings they can provide.

But here's what I don't like about couponing.

First, our Sunday paper does not receive the same coupons found in a larger city paper. This can be discouraging and frustrating when I read about the deals certain bloggers advertise, and I can't take advantage of those deals because I don't have the right coupons.  Right from the start, I'm at a disadvantage there.

Second, when I really try to give couponing a good effort and get really into it, I find myself becoming a little too obsessive about it. I don't like what it does to my psyche. :) It starts to feel like a game, and, as a perfectionist, I want to excel at it. So when I can't score the same deals as the big coupon blogs describe, I get frustrated.

But let's say I push past all that. Trying to score the deal can also be frustrating. With the rise in popularity of extreme couponing there is a lot of competition among shoppers to get the deals that are out there. For example, Target has a coupon for $1 off a Nivea lotion. There is a coupon from the insert for $3 off this lotion, making it only $1. But everytime I've looked for it, it's been out of stock. Target is on the other side of town for me, and I'm not going to make a special trip to save a few dollars on a lotion. (Again, that goes back to: 1) do I really need that lotion? Is there a more inexpensive one to begin with, and 2) Do I need lotion at all?).

Another example--Walgreens is running a register rewards deal on men's Gillette products (shaving cream, deodorants, body wash, etc.). I have buy one, get one free coupons for all of those items, and $2 off coupons that I can use with the buy one, get one free. Altogether, I would spend $10 out of pocket for $30-worth of stuff for my husband, and I would get $10 in a register reward. So essentially all of that would be free.

The other day, I dropped off a roll of film at Walgreens and checked the price of these items, to see how much they were to begin with. The product shelves were fully stocked. An hour later, when I returned to get my film, the shelves were completely wiped out. An extreme couponer, I'm assuming, came by and cleaned everything out. That's the part that makes me grouchy. If I still wanted to try to get the register reward, I'd have to time it just right to be at the store when the shelves were restocked so another extreme couponer with bad manners doesn't come and wipe everything out again. It can start to feel too frantic.

But if I just back away, I realize my husband does not need all that stuff. Sure, he wants antiperspirant. But I can use my buy one, get one free coupon to buy him two on sale somewhere, and he'll be a happy camper. I'll spend a few dollars out of pocket, and I'll be a happy camper, too, because I'm not getting caught up in the fact that Walgreens continues to not have the products for the register reward, and I can't get the deals, and wah-wah...

All that to say, I decided it's in my best interest to be a moderate couponer. I'll watch the sales and see if there are any coupons that match up real well. But I'm not going to go tons out of my way to score those deals. I've tried it, and like I said, I don't like what it does to my personality. I get much too caught up in it. It's much better for me if I can back away and realize that getting three salad dressings at Albertson's for .60 cents each (versus almost $2 each) is really not worth the hassle of making a special trip out on a Tuesday night before the sale ends to pick those up. Besides, making homemade dressing is usually less than .60 cents anyway. But, I love saving $3 off any size pack of Huggies diapers. That makes them the same price as the generic brand, and I think they're better quality. Diapers, we need. Store-bought dressing, not so much. It all comes down to perspective.

I'd love to hear what you think about couponing. Does it work well for you? If you coupon, how do you keep from getting too wrapped up in it? On the other hand, maybe you are ok with devoting a lot of time and thought to it, and it pays off in the savings you get. That's great! We're all different, and we're all going to reach different conclusions on it. What works best for your family and budget? Let's talk!

Coffee Talk: When Nap Time's Over...

For a few weeks now, we've been going through an interesting transition in my house: the end of naptime as we know it. As a mom, I personally love naptime--not the getting-my-kids-down-for-naps part, but the quiet house and mommy break the usual hour and a half nap for my younger ones (or one) affords me. Plus, some days I enjoy being able to lay down for 20 minutes or so myself if I am particularly tired that day.

And yet, since my middle child (typically a good napper) turned four a few months ago, he hasn't been interested in napping anymore. So that leaves only our two-and-a-half year old. For the past month, getting him to take a nap has been harder and harder. He either isn't sleepy, or he's too playful to lay down long enough to settle down. In order to get him to nap, I always have to lay down next to him, read him some books, and stay next to him until he fell asleep. Since he wasn't going right to sleep, I ended up getting grouchy, since I felt like I was wasting a lot of time that could be spent doing other things.

In an effort to not be a crabby mom, I decided to try giving up the afternoon nap. That's always an interesting transition, because he still could use the rest. Around 3:30pm, he hits the wall. I know if I took him up, he would go to sleep. But then he would sleep until 5 and not be ready for bed a few hours later. So we've been trying to push through that intensely crabby time and find the perfect bedtime. My husband and I discovered that anywhere from 8-8:30 is too late; 7 seems a little early. Tonight, he was in bed by 7:30 and despite a few melt-downs with brushing his teeth, that seemed to be about right.

Some other things we're trying in the absence of naptime:

• Quiet time, where everyone gets a little pillow and blanket and lays down quietly to look at books in the living room. In a perfect world, this would happen exactly as pictured for exactly as long as I've determined (an hour would be ideal, but I'd settle for 30 minutes). But, in real life, this, too, is a struggle. Here's why: I need to keep the boys together in one room if I want to lay down for a few minutes. Otherwise, they get into too much mischief. But, while one boy might be able to lay down quietly on his own, with brothers around, they too easily give into the temptation to play, giggle, wrestle...anything but lay quietly without a peep.
• A video. I'm not crazy about letting them watch a video, but on a day where I am extra tired like today (3rd trimester, and not sleeping the past few days), I need to know they would: 1) not be getting into mischief, 2) they would be staying in the house, and 3) they would be quiet. The only way I can guarantee these three outcomes being met at one time is to let them watch one of their movies. 
• Going on an outing in the afternoon to help keep them occupied during the hours that would otherwise be spent taking a nap. The other day, we went to the children's section of the library, and it gave us all something productive to do for an hour or so. There's also walks to the park, or just walks in general.
• During that crabby, overtired, melt-down time (anywhere from 3:30-4:30...and on!), I've been trying to sit down with them and read to them. It's great that the library's summer reading program is going on now, so they're excited to sit with me as I read a stack of books to them. Some days we take a blanket and sit outside under a shade tree in the yard. It gives us all some down-time and gives them some mommy-attention to ward the crabbies away.

What are some of your best ideas and coping strategies for getting over that hump of saying goodbye to naptime?

Coffee Talk: Say What?

As women, we receive numerous comments and questions (usually from other women) on any number of things. Some are direct, and some are not so direct. But of course, as women, we're usually great at reading between the lines.

One of the questions that I've been getting so much lately, now that I'm expecting our fourth in six years, is, "So, is this the last one?"

Other variations include:
"You're done now, right?"
"Are you happy about being pregnant again?" (as if I've been "knocked up"--pardon the phrase--one too many times, not of my own accord)
"Are you planning to have any more?"

Recently, a well-meaning friend asked something like, "Will you keep accepting what the Lord is providing?" I honestly didn't know what she meant, but then I guessed it had something to do with family size. So I asked if she meant if we were going to have more children. Bingo. I told her maybe; we aren't planning on doing anything permanent, if that's what she was wondering.

It is funny to see the general perception regarding family size in our culture today--a perception that is revealed in questions like those above. No one asks a mom expecting her first child if she's planning to have more children. They're just thrilled she's expecting her first. Moms of two field questions like, "Are you going to have more?" I don't remember receiving lots of questions during my third pregnancy; maybe three is the commonly accepted number today. But when you hit four or more, people start to reveal their perceptions about acceptable family size.  Their questions hint at their belief that you really should be wrapping things up.

My other favorite comment is: "You sure have your hands full." I've figured out it's really not a compliment. I've even started telling the boys when we go out (usually to the store) that I better not hear anyone say, "You sure have your hands full." They know what that means. We usually only get comments like that when someone (or two someone's, or three) are being too rowdy. Then the person sees me with a 6-year old, a 4-year old, a 2-year old, and a 7-month pregnant belly and feels compelled to utter, "You sure have your hands full." Hearing that more than once on a shopping outing means the trip really didn't go well and someone (or two someone's, or three) are going to receive some discipline at home. So the boys are learning that they better not behave in a way where Mom gets a comment of "You've got your hands full." I would much rather hear, "Wow, your children are really well behaved."

While we can find these questions and comments mildly irritating or offensive, we should aim to take them in stride, with a little humor. I love what Nancy Wilson writes in The Fruit of Her Hands: Respect and the Christian Woman about principles and methods. There are different ways--different methods--of applying God's principles. But as women, we can become overzealous that our method is the method every other Christian woman should follow. She writes,
I'm also wondering if it would do us good to not be so verbally expressive with questions and comments...

"Here are a few examples: 'Can you believe how often she has to go feed her baby? My baby was sleeping through the night at six weeks?' 'Your youngest is almost two? You know three children are better than two!' 'Why aren't you homeschooling?' 'Why are you homeschooling?' Women who feel free to express themselves about such things may have no idea of the damage they are doing. Common courtesy prohibits one woman from breezily criticizing another's methods. It also prohibits nosy questions, such as, 'Are you using birth control?'...Courtesy means we listen [as others share their methods] and ask questions (and not loaded questions). We don't interrupt, we don't get impatient and angry. And, if it is a sensitive issue, courtesy demands that we ask no questions and mind our own business!"

As we receive questions, though, we are called Biblically to bear with one another in love (Col. 3:13) and overlook offenses (Proverbs 19:11). Aim to take it all in stride, without letting the questions (or the perceived meaning) and comments destroy unity among believers. As Mrs. Wilson reminds us, grace is needed to accomplish this!

In good humor, I would love to hear the comments or questions you receive that you find the most colorful. And, with what Mrs. Wilson wrote about courtesy, do you think we would be wise to refrain ourselves from asking semi-personal questions--even if we mean no harm and are just curious?


What do you think?

Coffee Talk: Learning New Skills

One thing I wish I knew how to do better is sew. A few years back, my husband--knowing this desire of mine and wanting to encourage me in it--bought me a Singer Simple sewing machine. Partly because I was intimidated by it (even simple things like threading the bobbin), it sat in the box for a good year. Then I found a friend from church who sews and was willing to help get me acquainted with my machine. With her help, I sewed an apron out of dinosaur fabric for my oldest kitchen helper, who turned four that year.

Since then, I haven't sewed anything else. But my husband has! He made a set of curtains and a TV cover out of home dec fabric, and he even attached tassels. Now I have a new tutor--him!

Lately, though, my desire to sew is surpassing my intimidation of it. I think it must be a perfectionist tendency to be so reluctant to try something because of the fear of messing up. (I just need to sew myself a
pillowcase --which I know I can do--to build confidence.;))

My motivation also stems from the fact that we are expecting a girl this time around. Not that there aren't fun things to make for boys, there are just so many fun and frilly things to sew for girls--little dresses and tops, skirts, and more. I would really love to be able to sew some handmade items for my daughter to wear.



So, the other day, I was thrilled to find Making Children's Clothes: 25 Stylish Step-by-step Sewing Projects for 0-5 Years in our local Hancock Fabrics. It was even 20% off. The patterns inside were so adorable, and the instructions were so clear, I bought myself a copy.

On Saturday, I stopped in the store again and picked out some fabric to make some simple baby bloomers. I thought that would be a good first project. The fabric is washed and dried; now it just has to be ironed. Then, when I get a few spare minutes, I am excited to sit down and begin!

For today's coffee talk, I'd love to hear if there are any skills you would love to learn. What holds you back from diving in?


A fun excerpt from Your baby: A guide for young mothers by E.B. Lowry, M.D., published in 1915, which I found at our local library book sale several years ago:

Sewing for the Baby:
Most mothers look forward with pleasure to preparing the clothing for the expected baby. They even may spend hours stitching at the machine and more hours sewing on lace. This is all right if the mother does not spend all her leisure in this occupation. However, some mothers neglect the necessary out-of-door exercise in order to have more time to spend in preparation of dainty garments. In this case the entire preparations are for the bodily coverings of the child while at the same time the mother is neglecting to prepare to give him health and a good disposition. The latter only come as the result of proper attention to the hygiene of living,--plenty of sleep, out-of-door exercise, proper diet and freedom from care and worry."

Coffee Talk Thursday: Family Matters

You may have heard the tragic news story this week about the mother who drove her minivan in the Hudson River with her four young children inside. Only one child, her oldest son, escaped. Everyone else drowned.

While I can't begin to presume what drove her to such a drastic action, one news account said that she stated to a child care worker that she felt "so alone." This worker said, "She's a single parent. She takes great care of her kids, goes to school and works. She really needed a helping hand."

We all have bad days. Most of us, however, have support networks (primarily our husbands) to help us through those tough times. But when you're a single parent, or your husband is on active duty in the military or travelling for work, everything falls on you to deal with. It can be very, very stressful. Perhaps it was so stressful for this young mother that it drove her over the deep end.

I've been thinking lately about why family matters so much. Both my husband's parents and mine live hours away. We don't see them all that often. It can feel very isolating. When our parents do visit--even if for just a weekend--it just feels better, lighter in some way, like we're not as alone as we might feel on other days (however subconsciously).

Before she switched to Sirius satellite radio, I listened almost daily to Dr. Laura Schlessinger on the radio. She was a big proponent of living near family, even if it meant a move. The simple fact is you have help. Parenting still falls primarily on you and your spouse, but you have a larger network to share some of the responsibility.  If you're having a rough day, you can call your mom (or dad, or in-laws) and see if she can watch the kids for you for an hour while you run out for a quick sanity break. Even if you're not having a bad day, having the grandparents take the kids to lunch or to the park is a welcome refreshment for everyone.

In the absence of family nearby, I think we just have to be more creative with finding support systems. Sure, I could call a friend on a really rough day, but most of my friends have small children of their own, and I don't want to ask if they would mind watching mine for an hour. But there's always the option of meeting friends at the park or another place where the kids can play. Or you can take your children out on your own and just get out of the house for a bit. All good sanity savers.

While not having family in town can make the parenting journey more stressful at times, it also means that, in many ways,  your family unit will be tighter knit. That's because you all have to rely on each other. You'll have to find ways to work through stuff, because there's no one else to run to. It's like a yo-yo: you may get grouchy or impatient, and everyone pulls in their own direction for a bit, but at the end of the day, you come together again. Don't let the sun go down on your anger, as the Bible teaches.

The saddest part of the story for me of the mom and her children is that, in her final minutes, she realized she was making a mistake. ABC News reports she tried to put her van in reverse, but it was too late. I wonder how different it all could have been if she could have had some better coping mechanisms, or some family or close friends to turn to for support.

Fighting Discouragement & A Cookie Flop

Coffee Talk Thursday



Take some bad days, add enough of them together in a row, and discouragement will soon set in. At least it does for me.  Once I hit the bottom of that downward slide, I just pull away. I didn't feel like blogging, or doing much else for that matter for the last few days. Except I did make time for journaling, reflecting, and longer-than-usual Scripture reading (I don't think it helped that my Bible reading plan put me in the beginning chapters of Job; today I switched to Philippians, and that helped cheer my outlook).

What I learned can be summed up like this: I can't hold grudges. I don't really hold grudges against adults, but my children? The ugly truth is I can hold a good grudge against one or more of them for a full day. They misbehave in the morning (or the afternoon) or whenever, and I can deal with it calmly, but if the pattern of misbehavior continues (or if the behavior was particularly heinous), it's much harder for me to simply discipline them, talk about it, forgive them, and move on. I may think I have done all of those things, but I haven't. I carry the irritation, the disappointment, sometimes yes, the anger around with me all day. It makes for one bad day. For all of us.

When I am upset, I become more sullen. I withdraw, becoming more emotionally distant, especially from my kids. I think the patterns we are raised with are ever so hard to break, no matter how desperately we desire to not repeat the same mistakes.

Here are some questions I asked myself during the past few days:

• When we pray and ask God to change our spirits, how exactly does that happen?  (I think God does His unseen work through the Holy Spirit, but we really have to try on our ends to discipline our thoughts and let Him help us change our attitudes)
• If I could turn back time, how would I have handled the situations that made me so upset differently? What can I learn from them? How can they be redemptive?

I think the bottom line for me is--

"When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise." (Proverbs 10:19)

After our mall fiasco, on the way home, I went on and on about the boy's behavior and why it was so wrong. I think I hurt their feelings beyond what was called for. I asked them later how they would have preferred I handled it, and both of my boys basically said I could have just said--"in a nice voice"--that what they did was wrong, here's why, and they would be disciplined when we got home. End of story. I could have done that. I should have done that. Dealt with it calmly, dropped the grudge, and moved on with the day, leaving that all behind us.  Lessons learned, for all of us. 

Now for a little humor...

Yesterday, when the hours from 3:00 until 5:00pm felt like they would drag on forever, I asked the boys if there was anything they wanted to do. They wanted to make cookies, so we tried to make our favorite cookie recipe. In between trying to keep everything straight as little hands wanted to dump in ingredients, and boys needed help in the bathroom, I forgot to add the oatmeal into the butterscotch oatmeal cookies. I didn't think the batter looked quite right as I was portioning it on the cookie sheets, but I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I wish the digital camera still worked to show you what the cookies looked like. They were terrible! Picture batter flattened all over a cookie sheet into a  giant, thin, greasy mess, with a bag's worth of butterscotch chips poking out. I scraped them and dumped them (the boys managed to eat a few and were so happy that we made cookies, they never once complained about how messed up they were). What a waste of butter and chips, but I suppose it is healthier for us that way!

So how do you turn a bad day around? What lessons have you learned to get over it?

(linked to Small Steps)

Coffee Talk Thursday: Curriculum

Coffee Talk Thursday

 

Lately I've been researching curriculum choices for homeschooling our oldest in first grade next year. My sister-in-law generously passed down to us her A Beka curriculum for 1st grade. We would still need to order consumable workbooks for math, phonics, spelling, and language arts, but other than most everything we would need is there.

 

However...

 

If I didn't have the A Beka materials on hand and it were totally up to my husband and I to order our own materials for next year, here's what I think I would do:

• Order Singapore Math Standards Edition, either 1A and 1B (or start in 1B, depending on his progress test. I like how concepts are explained. He did really well with the Earlybird Math, and the hands-on experiments helped to solidify the concepts)
• Order Handwriting Without Tears - My Printing Book (We have not used this before, but I have heard good things about it from friends)
• Use the Explode the Code books, probably 1-3, for phonics
• Follow the handwriting and language suggestions in The Three R's by Dr. Ruth Beechick (really, if you followed her advice and approach, you wouldn't really need workbooks at this level at all).
• Possibly order The Story of the World: History for the Classical Child: Ancient Times for history and combine in some good fiction and non-fiction books to help make it come alive
• Order some of Sonlight's recommended read-alouds books for Core 1, or check them out from the library
• Continue to work through Science Through Children's Literature: An Integrated Approach
• And, of course, the Bible. Just read sections from the Bible, memorize verses (AWANA is great at encouraging this), listen to Scripture memory CD's, family devotions, etc.

 But I'm torn, since we have been given the A Beka materials, and I feel like maybe I should just try it as suggested (with the curriculum guides and lesson plans) for a year. At the same time, I'm not crazy about creating the official classroom feel at home. That is one of the beautiful things about homeschooling--it doesn't have to look like the public or private school down the street. Sure there are times for lessons, but real learning takes place in the home all day long--even when it doesn't look "formal."

So, I'm still debating and praying about it. 

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." (James 1:5).

In the meantime, what materials--or curriculum--do you use for homeschooling? Do you love it? What do you love about it? Have you tried any materials that just haven't worked for you (or your kids)?

 

 

The Time Change

Coffee Talk Thursday

Is it just me, or is it a little tricky adjusting to Daylight Savings time? (I really love the fall back switch to standard time, though). Here's what I love about it: the extra daylight. Here's what I don't love about it: getting out of bed in the morning. If you normally wake up at 6, now it feels like waking up at 5. If you're used to getting up at 5, now it's like you're rising at 4. It just takes a little time for your body clock to get adjusted. Same for the kids; although, in my house, they used to wake up anywhere between 6:45 and 7:30am. Now they still wake up at 6:45-7:30 (go figure), but it feels like 5:45-6:30 from what we're used to.

Going to bed requires adjustments as well. If your body clock usually feels tired around, let's say 10pm, until you become accommodated to the new time, the clock will read 11 before you feel tired (but remember, waking up at 6 now feels like waking up at 5). 

It seems like I remember hearing the best way to cope with it, for ourselves and for the kids, is to go to bed and wake up at the same time as usual--regardless of what the clock says. What I mean is--if the kids normally go to bed at 8pm, they will still go to bed at 8pm (even though it will feel to them like 7pm and they may not be entirely sleepy yet). If our alarm (internal or a clock) goes off at 6am, keep it set for 6am--even though you'll feel a little sleepy waking up an hour earlier than what you're used to.

This week, though, has been a bit off. The boys have been going to bed later--the clock pushes 9pm before we take them up. I've been tempted to sleep (or at least lie in bed) later than usual, simply because it's earlier than usual! We'll get adjusted, though. Just need a few more days.

What is your experience of getting adjusted to the time change?

Coffee Talk Thursday: E-Mealz?

Coffee Talk Thursday

I listen to Dave Ramsey's radio show, and one of the ads you hear frequently is for E-Mealz. I know several people who use the service and seem to really like it. I think it would be particularly great for people who are too busy to menu plan and shop around sales. When I've looked into it, though, I come away thinking two things:

1) Do I really want someone else to menu plan for me? (I kind of like doing it myself)

2) I think my menu plans are more frugal than theirs. For example, on the Kroger sample menu, the pork chops are on sale for $3.97/lb. When I menu plan, I aim for meats $2/lb. and less whenever possible. So that week, if I was menu planning for our family on my own, that is a meal that I wouldn't even include on our menu plan, because it does not meet my personal price-point.

Yet, lately, I am wondering if it's worth giving it a try for a month. After all, it is only $5 for a month's subscription. Plus, it might be fun to have someone think of new meal ideas for you. It's a great way to try some new recipes. I could test it out and see if I save more planning my own meals, or if you really do save money on their plans.

So what do you think? Do you use it? Do you love it? Or do you like planning your own meals and find that you save more money that way?