What Do We Want Them to Remember?

A few weeks ago, a dear friend of mine who lived across the street growing up and is now a mother of four (soon-to-be five) suffered a stroke. People all over the world have been praying for her, and those prayers are powerfully working! She was moved out of ICU, into rehab, and is now home, where she is working to regain full mobility. Please keep her (Amanda) and her young family in your prayers.

Her stroke happened at night, while she and husband were talking before bed.

I wondered if something like that should happen to me, where there was no guarantee I would ever be the same again, what would I want my children and my husband to remember of me? How would I have spent the last day as me, as I am now?

Would I want the kids to remember that, while they were outside playing, Mom was in the house, doing chores and (gasp) spending time on the computer? That perhaps many of my interactions with them involved scolding and impatience?

 Photo Credit

Or would I want them to remember that, even though dishes and laundry had to be washed, dried, and put away, Mom kept a playful, light-hearted spirit? That, whenever possible and practical, they were involved in the work and made to feel special and valuable for being such great helpers? And that we had plenty of fun times together, too?

Sure, work has to be done to keep our families functioning smoothly. But I want to be sure I'm taking time to hit the bull's eye of their heart with a special connection each day. That's what I would want them to remember if tomorrow I should not be quite the same as today. May I commit to live tomorrow as I would want to have lived today.

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Replacing "I Can't" with "I Can"

"Mommy, will you build a castle tower with me?" asked my little three-year old buddy.

"I can't right now," I was about to say, but I stopped myself. Why couldn't I? What was I about to do? Putz around the house and look for stuff to pick up? Load dishes into the dishwasher? Throw laundry in the wash? Important tasks, yes, when it comes to keeping our home running smoothly, but so important that I couldn't sit on the floor and build a castle tower with my son?  

On the heels of my friend's post about playing with our kids, I resolved to say, "I can't" less and "I can" more.

We sat on the floor with the instruction booklet, and we built the castle out of blocks. It really didn't take that long (maybe 15 minutes), and it was actually quite fun. The laundry didn't mind waiting. My son treasured his little castle that he built with Mom (until baby sister crawled over and knocked it down).

Yesterday, after the boys woke their baby sister up from her nap too soon, I was rather frustrated. "Will you read me this story, Mommy?" one asked. Feeling a little grouchy, I was about to respond, "I can't right now; let's go downstairs." But I stopped myself and tried the "I can" challenge.

We all curled up on the bed with pillows piled all around, cuddled up together, laid with heads touching and read Can't You Sleep, Little Bear?


I realized then that it will be the "I can" moments that reward us with the sweetest memories of motherhood. We can so easily miss out on them with two seemingly simple words, "I can't." Yet, they'll rob us of the joy we could experience in everyday moments at home if we resolved to say "I can" more often.

"I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." (Phil. 4:13).

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Women Living Well
Raising Homemakers

What if We Refused? (A Guest Post)

Today I am privileged to introduce my friend, Theresa, to you. She encourages us to build a heavenly vision for our homes and families at her blog, Heavenly Glimpses.

Theresa's been writing a series on intentional mothering, and I am confident her post today will bless you!

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 "Go hard on me, mom," declares eight-year-old, Robby, as we prepare to play one-on-one soccer in our back yard. I chuckle at his words for I know how much has changed in a few short years.

Just a few years ago I was holding back, running barely behind him as he kicked and darted toward the ball all the way up the yard to score a goal.  On occasion, I enjoyed hassling him, weaseling the ball away just to make him work harder and he'd complain that I was not going easy enough on him.

In just a few short years, he's grown and changed so much. He's more mature, able to control his emotions, and more athletically coordinated. We communicate, relate and laugh together and it wasn't even that long ago I sat up nights nursing and rocking him back to sleep.

One of those mid-nights, within the first week of bringing him home from the hospital, I had nursed him, changed his diaper, and swaddled him snug. When I went to lay him back down, he would not have it. As a new mother, I didn't know what to do for him. Weary and exhausted, I remember my anxiety rising that night. I had abruptly flung his blanket back open and re-swaddled him, then breathed deep and like a tide rushing in,  felt wisdom wash over me that would linger throughout my parenting years, not for one but for four children throughout infancy, toddlerhood, and into childhood:

Don't become frustrated, Theresa. This is just a season. You'll never have him this small again. Yes, you will lose sleep. It will be hard. But it will pass. These moments you'll find were gifts. Receive them.

I'm sure I have become frustrated over other issues, regarding children and sleep, over the past eight years, yet I cannot recall another night, hovering over an infant, in frustration over my sense of helplessness. Not one since that vivid internal monologue. And I've had many sleepless nights and those nights did pass. I encounter different frustrations and feelings of helplessness now in a whole new season and the never ending question remains, how do I choose to contend with those?

And I wonder if what made a difference eight years ago can make a difference today.

What if we refused? If we took a deep breath and decided we're not going to let weariness, frustration, and feelings of helplessness overtake our peace. We won't allow those emotions, that so easily creep in, to dictate our behavior. I wonder how it would change our parenting, how we see our children. 

Because we'll never have them as small and impressionable as they are now, ever again. Yes, we will lose sleep. It will be hard. But it will pass. What if these moments are gifts, even the hard ones? Will we receive them?

Today he dances with the ball over the winter withered grass, maneuvering fancy feet. He kicks the ball passed me and goes for the goal.

When we choose to see the bigger picture, the greater goal and desired outcome, maybe our frustrations become small. If we intentionally commit to accepting that it will be hard, that cultivating the lives of our children will take labor, sacrifice and perseverance, maybe we will bounce back quicker when we stumble - because we will.

 

 

"Good game, mom. That was fun." Robby exclaims. "Thanks for playing with me." And I think I also hear, "Thanks for being patient with me through the years. Thanks for your dedication, perseverance, and for believing in me. Thanks for upholding me with dignity and respect even though I'm smaller than you and dad. Thanks for laughing with me, and for loving me no matter what."

And I think about the little things that never really mattered. And the things that do.

Theresa is a wife and mother of four wonderful children. She is a stay-at-home-mom, whose passions are primarily with her family, writing, and in ministries that encourage mothers in this generation. Theresa has been published in MOPS International, MOMSnext e-zine and other on-line publications. Theresa authors Heavenly Glimpses blog, where she captures the heart of Christ through glimpses into the life of her children, marriage, and a humbly inspired heart.

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We are That Family

The Nurturing Mother

A few months ago, these orchids held so much promise. Two stems burst forth with no less than a dozen buds. We awaited a magnificent display of gorgeous flowers. 

Yet something went wrong. Perhaps due to a lack of watering, or lack of fertilization, the buds that held such promise of beauty never bloomed.  In fact, they shriveled up and fell off the branches altogether.

As I reflected on what went wrong, I realized: this is the perfect picture of our children’s souls...

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 Keep reading at Heavenly Glimpses, where I am guest posting today on the life-giving value of choosing to intentionally nurture our children and cause their lives to bloom.
 (Simply click on the links, or go here).

Sharing with Raising Homemakers and Women Living Well

Filling in The Gaps: What Really Happens in Other People's Homes

I've written before that it can be so easy to feel like magic and wonder happens nonstop in our friend's houses, or others whom we admire, while life at our own home can be so lackadaisical. We imagine (or hear about) happy picnics, creative crafts, and loving interactions; meanwhile, we're buried in laundry, dishes, and undone chores, while our children squabble with each other, whine, complain, and fail to respond cheerfully, quickly, and obediently at times (many times). Reading whimsical status updates on Facebook or inspiring blog posts only serves to makes us feel more discouraged about real life in our very real home.

For example, awhile back, I read about a good friend's homeschool day. Her sons reenacted Jamestown by building forts out of Lincoln Logs (my boys just throw Lincoln Logs every which way and have yet to build any kind of structure). She shared that her sons went outside to "build wattle and daub [mud] walls just as the colonists did for their homes and buildings inside the fort." They "drove stakes (small sticks) into the ground, intertwined vines...in between the stakes and formed mud around the structure to dry and harden."

Doesn't that sound highly creative and tremendously impressive? The sting of comparison began; I wished we could have a day like that, where the boys were that creative with their play and got along well enough and long enough to work together on projects like that.

And yet...

My friend was honest enough to "fill in the gaps." With her permission, I'll share what really happened (from her post):

"Today was honestly a very frustrating day...I felt that nothing was getting done to the level that I had expected it to. My plan for sitting and reading turned into a disaster as books were falling off the couch, Hannah was all over, drooling over everything and screeching. Austen kept zoning out, Moriah was being a complete 'Ramona' and Jay was fine.

When we were outside building our walls, Austen kept asking me over and over if there were ants outside, and if they were going to climb up their wall (to see my son's opinion of ants see this post nature walk turns deadly.) Then, when the boys went upstairs they kept coming down over and over because "so-and-so was not helping, they weren't sure how to do it....". I had imagined them upstairs for hours playing and creating this fort. Darn you expectations. THEN, our Lincoln Logs kept falling over, Hannah again, crept upstairs and tried to be the jolly green giant and overtake the poor Indians and Colonists. Then, after it was all over, Moriah destroyed the entire fort. The icing on the cake.

To say that I felt quite defeated today was for sure. It was just a frustrating day. I want every day to move seamless and smooth and that is an unrealistic expectation, I want Moriah to be a "big helper" everyday and that is unrealistic. Finally, tonight, the kids were told to go upstairs to brush teeth.....we hear run, laugh, run, laugh, scream.....run upstairs and Austen caught a corner with his forehead, huge bump, huge gash that by God's grace did not break open and averting a trip to the Urgent Care and huge screams. Ok, breathe, God give me grace right now because more than anything I feel angry for their disobedience. Needless to say, I am thankful they are in bed...

Anyone else ever have days like mine? More than anything I want to down an iced mocha with whip....more than anything....but since we have no coffee and I am too tired to go out , I"ll settle for crackers and iced water instead. Here's to a new day tomorrow."

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What I love about Amanda's post is--it's real. And it made me feel better about my own situation. (Ha ha). I love the crackers and ice water part, too. It's just real life.

We can live our lives comparing ourselves to a standard that doesn't exist, because we are all imperfect people. Or we can embrace the days that we have been given and live them out fully, to the best of our ability. With heaping spoonfuls of God's grace, we can aim to make magic within our own walls. But when we hit reality, as everyone does (even though you won't hear about it on Facebook), know that you're not the only one. Most people simply fail to fill in the gaps.


(P.S. I really recommend Amanda's blog, Spilled Milk and Wet Kisses. Especially for homeschool moms, I think it will inspire and encourage you, as it points you closer to the Lord. Take a look around; you'll be glad you did)

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Works for Me Wednesday

I Didn't Plan for Chaos

copyright Moms In Need of Mercy

Today was just a day. I didn't plan for it to be the way it was. But then again, I didn't really plan for success, either. Going to bed with nothing more than a vague plan for the coming day allowed a whole lot of chaos to enter in. Just the general structure of: "I'll get up, make some breakfast, throw in a load of laundry, start homeschool stuff, and maybe run some errands" just left way too much free time for everything to fall apart. And it did.

Although I have a homeschool routine down for my oldest son (he's six; it doesn't take that long), I didn't really have any structured activities for my other two boys, 3 and almost 5. So they made up their own. Really creative play with manipulatives, like dumping out our small crock that sits on the kitchen counter and holds spare change, keys, and other random items. Now this was all over the kitchen floor. Since baby sister is starting to crawl, and since I would like to avoid another coin-swallowing event, we had to get the change off the floor.

Today's obedience department was closed. But the disobedience section was full of customers. The sole clerk (Mom) grew tired meeting the back-to-back demand for attention and correction.

Really, it's the phone's fault. It rang way too much today. Despite my requests to please let the answering machine get it, sometimes, one of the boys just allowed his desire to be friendly to outweigh his desire to obey Mom--although today, I'm not sure there even was a desire to obey Mom...

So I'd get on the phone, and the boys would get into the cereal--even though they had just eaten lunch. I'd get off the phone, clean up more food messes, and the phone would ring again. And the boys would do their own thing while I was on the phone, which wasn't necessarily a good thing, and usually incurred fighting, whereby one boy would start crying and trying to talk to me while I was still trying to talk to someone else on the other end of the phone. (This is a good way to get off the phone, though, if you're looking for an excuse to cut a call short...)

Nearing the end of the day, we decided to take a walk. Which would have been fine, except for the fact that when we reached the nearby playground, one son came running up to me and announced, "I have to poop!" Yet, off he went to play for a few more seconds, until he would run up to me again and make the same announcement, and then go play again. This happened several times. It was time to go, but no one would go (for reasons above), even though one really had to go.

Finally, everyone decided to obey and home we went. Just a little way from the house, one of the boys decided to top it all off by taking a mud bath. He wasn't trying to. He was only trying to copy his brothers who were climbing snow drifts piled up in our high school's parking lot. He climbed, then climbed down...into mud, and got stuck. As in quick-sand stuck. Me, wearing my new white Marmot parka my husband got me for Christmas, wanted no part of the rescue. But he was totally stuck. So I reached out to him from the curb, and told him he was absolutely not to touch my coat (he obeyed on this one), and I grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the mud. Somewhere in the rescue, he face-planted. But the coat made it out unscathed.

What all this taught me today is that by not more clearly planning for success, I did in fact, plan for chaos.

My next post will address planning for a successful day. I just have to plan one.

(If you like this post, can I humbly ask you to take a second to vote for it here?)
(linked to Raising Homemakers)
Part 2: Planning for a Good Day

Change Clothes Several Times a Day

photo credit

When you feel a bad mood coming on, you don't have to give in to it. It's as simple as changing clothes.

In her devotional book for mothers, Nancy Campbell writes about "putting on the new man" as Ephesians 4:22-24 describes.

"...Put off your old self...to be made new in the attitude of your minds; ...put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."

We receive a whole new wardrobe once we become believers in Christ! What kind of clothes do we have in our made-over closet? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self control (Galatians 5:22).

If you feel like your day is getting a little too chaotic and you can sense you're close to losing your cool and raising your voice, run into your closet and change clothes. Take off the impatience and stress. Find the peace and patience and put it on instead.

Your toddler has done something really upsetting. You're very frustrated. You're wearing your old shirt of harshness. Stop and change into gentleness with some self-control as an important accessory.

Perhaps you have a teenager who's being real testy. Don't meet the attitude wearing your snide shirt with your cool skirt. Try an outfit of love and faithfulness instead. Maybe your change of clothes will cause your child to change clothes eventually, too.

No matter what emotion you feel in your old self, there's a makeover waiting to happen. You just have to put it on. You can change clothes multiple times a day, and the best part is--in this system, there's no laundry to do!

(Sharing with Finding Heaven, Graceful, and Raising Homemakers)

Living in Your Anointing

It's late. I'm tired. I was not even going to blog. If I did, I was going to write a post and call it "I Can't Think Straight." I was going to share with you why I felt like a ping-pong ball all day today.

But I couldn't think of anything encouraging to say, so I wasn't even going to write. I was just going to do a little reading for our Bible study tomorrow morning (I wrote here why I haven't always gone in the past), leave the clean dishes in the sink to dry, forget about the three sprawling laundry baskets full of clothes to put away, forget about the three to four loads that still need to be washed, forget about the messes that abound everywhere I look, forget about the stuff that still needs to be cleared off the table...forget about it until 7AM when I see it again, and go to bed.

But then I did my Bible study, and amazingly, it spoke to everything I'm feeling today. Now I have something encouraging to say, so I'll do my best to say it.

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Today was just one of those days that I'm sure we all experience more often that not as moms. Days when multiple demands from multiple children are flying at us, leaving us whiplashed. The chaos overwhelms us, and we feel like we just can't think straight.

Yesterday was busy and I didn't take the time to plan for the week ahead that I normally do. That was my first and biggest mistake, truly. With no semblance of a plan, the day was a messy, gooey blob.

If I got a spare second, the phone rang. My kids are going through a phase where they love to answer the phone and hate for the answering machine to get it, because it's just so much fun to say hello to the voice on the other end, and they don't understand it's inconvenient for Mom to talk to the voice on the other end right then. So I'd politely get off the phone, get started with something, then the phone would ring again. Today, some of the calls were actually dealing with big stuff, like a neighbor telling me the latest on the school district's plans to purchase our homes, and some family stuff.

I'd get off the phone, head reeling, look at the wake of things my children had done while on the phone. My head would reel again. The baby would cry (when will those teeth break through finally?), one child would ask me something, another child would simultaneously ask me something, and another child would ask me something before I could answer any of the questions. As I sat down to read with our oldest, the youngest wanted a snack, the baby needed a nap, and on and on. A ping pong ball.

I kept reminding myself that it's not their fault I feel this way. Individually, they are each a pretty sweet child (usually). Collectively, it just gets a little (or a lot) chaotic sometimes.

After all the kids were in bed, I sat down to start on my Bible study, and this is what I read:

"Being directed, comforted, and empowered by His Spirit within us is the only sure way to live with supernatural success when we encounter natural events that seek to derail us. We must be annointed."--Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed: A Study of David

I've been planning to blog on being anointed for motherhood...just haven't had the time or the full inspiration until now. Priscilla Shirer defines anointing as a "divine empowerment or a divine enablement to accomplish God's purposes for your life." Although in the Old Testament days, anointing priests, prophets and kings was usually accompanied with oil, as believers in Christ, we are "anointed with the indwelling [Holy] Spirit's presence from the day of our salvation." (Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed: A Study of David). (Scriptural support: 2 Corinthians 1:21-22).

I love what Priscilla Shirer writes in the study:

"The anointing on [King] David's life was essential to accomplish God's purposes, and we must have it to accomplish His plans for us. Without it, everything we do will only be a shell of activity that will leave us breathless from a series of frustrated efforts, amounting to little. With God's anointing, we can face life's circumstances with courage, joy, and inner peace." (bold mine).

Here are some other fabulous quotes from the study:

• "David accomplished supernatural kingdom purposes because God's Spirit equipped him for the tasks...As believers, God calls us to accomplish divine tasks for His glory. We must have the anointing of God's Spirit."
• As believers in Christ, "the Spirit lives in us, and we are sealed and anointed by Him to accomplish God's preplanned purposes. So, if you are a believer, you are anointed--right now. Your task is to rely on the power of God who indwells you so you can be empowered to do what you cannot do on your own." (bold mine).
• "The anointed life engages daily and normal activities in a supernatural way. When you have patience in your mothering...gentleness in your response, contentment in your circumstances, and empowerment in the face of your challenges, you are experiencing the greatest miracle of all. God's presence appearing in your life."

So even on the days when it seems like nothing great was accomplished as you bounced around from task to task and child to child, remember that if you are daily seeking to model what a relationship with Christ looks like in the real world, you are doing the most important and eternally significant work...even if the laundry, dishes, papers and clutter are waiting for you in the morning.

We are empowered by God to do everything we need to do for our families. We may not live in monasteries. Maybe we live in messes! Faithful service, with a kind heart, of the daily tasks we have before us is what helps us grow in holiness.

Step into the anointing and walk in it!

(Sharing with Finding Heaven, Gratituesday, Graceful, and Raising Homemakers)

It Matters to Them

Ever since he was a toddler, my oldest son loved playing with airplanes. He loves everything about them--flying them, studying each plane, learning about military jets and how they fly.  Right now, he really enjoys making paper airplanes out of his Fun with Paper Planes book and flying them. He also loves studying various RC planes, buying them when he has some money, and flying them. Here's his current one:

Many times, he brings me a paper airplane he's just made and says, "Watch this, Mom. It flies really good." Almost always, I'm busy with something else, like washing dishes, and I give him my half-hearted attention, along with a patronizing comment like, "Yeah, that's really good." He walks away, and I return to what I was doing.
 
But the other day, I decided to give him my full attention (and praise). I stopped what I was doing, watched his paper airplane flight, and found something encouraging (and sincere) to say about it. It really glided through the air quite well for a few seconds. So I said, "Wow, Gann, that was a really good flight! It stayed up for a few seconds and glided really well--probably because you're such a great pilot." Then I gave him a hug. As he walked away, I noticed he had a little shy smile on his face, revealing a full heart. He knew he had received Mom's full attention and wholehearted praise. And it meant everything to him.
 
See, it may not matter to us. But it matters to them. Because they matter to us, let's make sure that the little things they bring to us throughout the day, desiring to show us--because they crave our attention and praise--matter to us. 
 
If we don't take time for them, they'll end up feeling like the dishes (or whatever it is that occupies our attention at any given time) were always more important to us than them. Sure, there's a place for saying, "Honey, Mommy's got to finish this up, and then I can watch what you want to show me in five minutes." But that shouldn't always be our response, and certainly not, "I'm too busy right now" (end of story).
 
As Sally Clarkson spoke about at the MomHeart conference and writes about in The Mission of Motherhood: Touching Your Child's Heart for Eternity, children require our time to feel loved. What if the only thing on our to-do list each day was to show the love of Christ to our husband and children? Although we obviously have practical stuff to do, I think that philosophy should undergird all of our choices and actions through each day of our lives.

I encourage us to think of a practical way today that we can show each of our children that they matter to us by giving each of them a few minutes of our time to show an interest in something that matters to them.

"Love is patient." (1 Corinthians 13: 4).

(photo credit)

  

The MomHeart Conference: Encouragement, Rejuvenation, Inspiration

I just returned from Sally Clarkson's MomHeart Conference in Denver. Attending a conference focused solely on encouraging women in motherhood rejuvenated, inspired, and encouraged me. First, simply being around other moms who are all going through the same stuff reminded me that we are not alone. I am not the only mom struggling to figure out how to handle housework, homeschooling, and a baby. At the nursing moms table where I sat, that seemed to be one of the biggest issues we as moms of multiples are working through right now.

One of the messages of the conference was that when we are alone in our homes, we can feel isolated--like we are the only ones struggling with some big issues, such as discouragement. But when we are in fellowship with other women, we realize we are not alone. We can share our burdens, pray for each other, and receive much needed encouragement to make it through the week.

Not only was it encouraging, the conference was also inspiring. The heart of the conference focused on building a family culture and training our children to love God with all our hearts, souls, and minds. What does this look like? Mainly, figuring out who God created your family to be, and intentionally doing the things that affirm your family's unique identity and calling in this world. We fill our child's hearts, souls and minds by "feeding them the best," as Sally said--the best literature, the best music, the best art (and the best times around the table too). (See this post of mine for more on intentionally creating an intoxicating family atmosphere). Hearing all the stories and ideas for creating a home filled with love and encouragement inspired me.

Listening to the talks certainly rejuvenated my spirits. It was like warm rays of sunshine shining down upon my soul. There are certainly areas where I can do better in my mothering, such as encouraging my children more and more. The conference also drove that home. Sally shared that if we are harsh with our children, yet teach that God is love, they will not have a reference for understanding what that looks like. On the other hand, if we are patient with them, instruct gently, tolerate their childishness without losing our cool, cuddle up with them and read them stories, give them lots of hugs and kisses, and make time to make them feel like the most special children in the world, then they will better understand God's love and purposes for them, because they see it in action in our hearts toward them every single day.

It's a high calling. We don't achieve any of this in our own strength, but only through the power of Christ working in us. We absolutely need to make time for prayer and fellowship with our Father every single day if we want to come anywhere close to  being the wives and mothers He wants us to be (and we want to be). As Sally said, we can't give out what we aren't first taking it. She stressed the importance of daily quiet times. She also shared in all these noble pursuits, we live between ideals and reality. How true that is.

As the conference closed, I felt great...empowered to be the most fabulous mother of all time for my children. Then we got home and the boys started fighting like little wolf pups, the baby who is teething fussed most of the day, Play-Doh from creative pursuits spread everywhere, milk spilled not once but twice and spread like a river all over the kitchen floor, and as I tried to read aloud from a good book, the boys were most interested in being rowdy than listening. The laundry is still in the suitcase...in the middle of the kitchen floor.

Though moments like that (or a series of them) threaten to rob my joy and steal my peace, I am trying to remember everything I learned and the inspiration I took away. This is the stuff these little years are made of. They pass quickly. Let's shape our hearts with, in Sally's words, goodness, truth, and beauty. In turn, we can shape our childrens' hearts out of the outflow of our hearts with gentleness, grace, forgiveness, as we train them in gracious manners, language, and courtesies, always learning how to overcome evil with good. (My friend blogged about it here as well; a great post).

Because it boost my spirits so much, I would like to encourage you to consider attending a MomHeart conference (or any other conference near you focused on empowering you to be a great mom). There are two upcoming MomHeart conferences in California and Texas. There are also Above Rubies retreats across the country (under the teaching of Nancy Campbell). Just as professionals attend conferences to stay on top of their skills and learn cutting-edge techniques for their trades, doesn't it make sense to find a conference to help you excel in your field of motherhood? Give it a try. I think you'll be so glad you did!

All My Children

More out of necessity than desire, I loaded up all the kids and went to Walmart last week to get some groceries and household supplies. This was my first trip to the grocery store with all four of my children. The trip actually went surprisingly well (much better than this one)--in large part due to the fact that my husband and I have really been cracking down on training and first-time obedience. There just isn't leeway now for them to have, um, "freedom of expression" in the store. For things to go smoothly (and for me to stay relatively pleasant), they need to stay right next to me. (More on all of this in another post).

When we reached checkout, the cashier asked increduously, "Are these all your children?"

After runnning some come-back lines in my head ("No, I rented them for the day", "No, I found them in the toy section. They're very real looking, aren't they? Do you want to scan their UPC?", or "No, I don't know whose they are. They just came up and started following me through the store."), I answered his question without any comeback. "Yep, they're all mine." I think four children is more on the small end of large families, so I was surprised he would ask that, but oh well!

Even though more than two children per family may not be all that popular (or smiled upon) in culture today, I thought it would be fun to look at other famous large families, both past and present. (I was asked to do a devotion for a baby shower a few weeks ago, and this is what I did).

• Ben Franklin—one of 17 children 
• Mel Gibson—fathered 8 children (7 with his wife, one with his then-girlfriend)
• Author Danielle Steel--7 children, and she would write during the night so she did not need to take away family time for her work
• Sen. Rick Santorum—7 children
• The Von Trapp family-- 10
• George H.W. and Barbara Bush family—6
• George Washington--one of 13
• Susanna Wesley (mother of Charles Wesley and John Wesley)—19 (many died during childhood)
• Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie—6 children
• Comedian Eddie Murphy—8 children
• Actress Jane Seymour—6
• Actor Kirk Cameron—6
• Frank Gilbreth and Lillian Gilbreth (the "Cheaper by the Dozen" family)—12
• Celine Dion—youngest of 14
• Actor Mark Walhburg—youngest of 9
• Jim Bob & Michelle Dugar—19
• Justice Antonin Scalia—9 (5 boys, four girls)
• Joseph and Rose Kennedy (parents of J.F.K.) 9 (4 boys, 5 girls)

Of course, there are many others. I am blessed to live in a community where many families have embraced the biblical view of children and have many children. When your friends also have lots of kids, you don't feel so alone. It feels like the norm!
“Behold, children are a gift of the LORD,

The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them;
They will not be ashamed…” (Psalm 127:3-5, NASB)

The bottom line, whether you have one or ten, is that you are blessed and you need not be ashamed!



(linked to Raising Homemakers)

The Power of Encouragement

With small children, especially, there is so much for them to become discouraged about. They are trying to learn new things, and they often don't succeed on the first (or even the second, or third, or fifth) attempt. They frequently receive correction for childish behavior or self-centered attitudes. All of this can leave them feeling down.

That's where encouragement steps in. It is a powerful force in anyone's life. All things begin to brighten under the refreshment encouragement provides.

In Nancy Campbell's book, How to Encourage Your Children, she suggests writing the name of each one of our family members across the top of a journal page with columns below their names. Each day, aim to say at least one encouraging thing to each person. If you did, put a check by that person's name. Make it your goal for this to become second-nature.

Here's an example. Yesterday, I encouraged my son, who is learning to read. He doesn't always like it, because he thinks it's too hard sometimes. We sat curled up on the couch together, with the afternoon sun streaming through our front windows in such a pretty way. It was a special memory. While I was making dinner, I told him how I really enjoyed sitting with him in that pretty light and listening to him read. I encouraged him that he's getting better and better at it, and I am proud of him for doing hard things and not giving up. He just beamed.

I think it's important to not only praise the good things our children do, but also (and more importantly) to praise who they're becoming. When we see our children helping each other or saying kind and complimentary things to one another, lavish the praise! It will happen more and more.

As I wrote yesterday, Michelle Duggar--supermom of 19 that she is--is so big on the power of encouragement. If there's a secret weapon in a mom's arsenal to bring about good behavior and positive attitudes, she'd know, mainly through experience. I think that secret weapon is encouragement. Plus, as we look for and point out the good in our children, it helps our attitudes toward them as well--making for a happier family all around.

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." (1 Thess. 5:11)

I'm A Mommy, Not A Mompreneur (Part 2)

The Internet provides a fabulous way for moms to earn money from home. It sounds like a dream come true: stay-at-home to raise your children, wash your laundry, cook your meals, clean your house, offer hospitality to friends and strangers, and earn some money, too, without ever leaving your front door.


But is it really that easy? Or has feminism so crept into our beliefs that we as Christian women—many of whom profess to stand staunchly against the doctrines of feminism--are feminists and we don’t even realize it?

Feminism encourages women to pursue careers outside the home, but does Christian feminism encourage women to pursue careers inside the home? Even Christians who think they oppose feminism may find they have subconsciously been so influenced by it that they, too, crave career success, but justify it by working from home. But if one seeks to climb the career ladder in one’s field from inside the home, is that really any different than doing the same thing outside the home?

"The mompreneur movement is one steadily growing in the US as mothers try to find ways to make money, express their creativity or business acumen, and also to parent their children". --source

Read what World Net Daily has to say about feminism's influence in culture today and see if it applies to the mompreneur movement:

"So many women – and men – have bought into the notion that women should work outside the home that for the first time in American history, and perhaps world history, vast numbers of children are not primarily raised by their mothers or even by an extended family member. Instead they are raised for a significant part of their childhood by nannies and by workers at day care centers. Whatever feminists may say about [they’re] only advocating choices, everyone knows the truth: Feminism regards work outside the home as more elevating, honorable and personally productive than full-time mothering and homemaking." (bold mine) source

We may say we agree with those statements (or we may not), but what I'd like us to ask ourselves is:

Do we regard work inside the home as more elevating, honorable and personally productive than full-time mothering and homemaking?

There are so many moms out there earning a part-or full-time income from making products, writing articles, and marketing their sites and products online. Nothing wrong with that. The Proverbs 31 woman, who provides us an excellent example of biblical femininity, was involved in the marketplace, no doubt. Proverbs 31 tells us she sewed and sold linen garments, traded goods, and bought a field out of her earnings. Yet, all of her endeavors were for the good of her household—not for her own career success. From this, I gather that there is a distinction between a mom selling craft items or writing articles in her spare time and a mompreneur aggressively pursuing success from within her own home.

Plus, it sounds like the children of the Proverbs 31 woman were not small. They arose and blessed her. This tells us they were old enough to: 1) walk, and 2) talk. Perhaps she wasn’t involved in the marketplace when she was fully involved in raising small children?

Yet, many mompreneurs are not only trying to rise to the top in their fields, they’re usually also parenting little ones who desperately need Mom’s training and attention. They might even be homeschooling, too. They either have superhuman organizational skills and manage to excel at it all, or the work-family balance is out of balance.

“One of the principal issues the mompreneur faces is learning how to balance the requirements of her children with the needs of her business. This is why many sites advise people new to running a business to create small realistic expectations that will not cause too much of a burden to especially young children.” --source


The truth is--we really can't do it all. Even Crystal Paine, the famous money-saving mom, admits that her success comes with a price—it’s not a cake-walk.

“I am a firm believer that, with God's blessings and lots of hard work, anyone can successfully work from home. However, I will be the first to tell you that working from home is just that–it's work...
I won't sugar-coat the truth when it comes to working from home: if you are not prepared to put in lots and lots and lots of time and effort, working from home won't work for you.”--http://moneysavingmom.com/2009/10/becoming-a-workathome-mom-its-work.html

Motherhood—being a good mom—is already a full-time job. Homeschooling, for those that do, is at least a part-time job. Keeping house, making nutritious meals and caring for the needs of our families is another full-time job. Since I already have two full-time jobs and one part-time job, I can’t take on anymore in this season. That’s why I’m a mommy, not a mompreneur.

I'm A Mommy, Not A Mompreneur (Part 1)

In the movie Soul Surfer, Bethany Hamilton's youth pastor tells her that sometimes all we need is to pull back from a situation to get some perspective on it. That's happened to me with blogging.

I love to write. I remember sitting in my bedroom, probably as young as six or seven, writing stories in notebooks I'd keep. In college, I majored in communications and minored in psychology and religion. I envisioned myself going into broadcast news and wanted to make it to the top. But I didn't see how that could fit with my other goal of being a wife and mother, and perhaps someday having a writing and speaking ministry.

God worked it all out. I did work as a journalist for a few years before deciding to trade in my career for a new career: Mommy. Honestly, even the tightest deadline (even a minute to air) is still not as challenging as motherhood can be some days. But what I am doing with my kids has value that reaches far beyond the impact of any news story.

For me, blogging has been a great way to continue to express my love for writing and my desire to encourage other moms. I tried to blog daily. But honestly, I just can't keep up. Not in this season, at least.

I know there are plenty of talented women who run successful, profitable blogs. Would I love to be in that category with them? Yes, and no. I think, if we're honest, we all want what we're doing to translate into some measurable success. But getting to that point takes a lot of time and a lot of effort. Right now, I can't do it. I can't devote the time it would take to write and market my humble blog and keep up with what I need to do at home, and most of all--raise my children. They're little now. They need lots of time and attention--attention I can't be giving them if I'm giving it to my computer.

Honestly, I don't know how other moms of small children (especially moms who say they homeschool) are finding time to be "mompreneurs." Either they have out-of-this-world organizational skills, or something's falling through the cracks.

As I've been mulling over posting on this topic, I just read what Sally Clarkson wrote and knew it was time for me to start this discussion here.

"Last Spring, I met with a young woman. She said, as many young women have said, “Sally, God is just opening so many doors for me, I just have to be a good steward of my opportunities.” (as her exhausted teen daughter was pushing her toddler in a stroller behind her, and complaining that her mom just never had time for her.) This happens to me a lot–young women who have stars in their eyes from money that can be made, audiences that can be found, numbers that can build up. [bold mine]


I have never had more opportunities come my way as now, but I do not like what I see going on in my heart and soul, and so, I am convicted that I need to cut back. I am pulling back from expectations. Pulling back from stress. And simplifying."--http://www.itakejoy.com/im-just-not-that-important/

That's what I've been realizing: I need to forget about trying to be big as a blogger and focus fully on what I'm called to do at home, as a wife and mother. It's my first and highest calling. It keeps me busy! It is, after all, a full-time job in itself.

I love what Paul writes, "Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load." (Galatians 6:4-5). The study note says, "Paul suggests that we focus instead on our own responsibilities. Are we faithfully living for God and fulfilling our responsibilities before him?"

I'll be blogging more about motherhood and mompreneurship in the next few days--just can't promise it will be tomorrow! (Part 2 is now up)

Why I Love Watching The Duggars

There is something definitely unique about having a large family in today's culture. There is something even more unique when you have a family Duggar-sized. Many people, including myself, are intrigued by this special family and how they make everything work.




To get a glimpse into their daily lives and glean wisdom from their experience, I've read their books (The Duggars: 20 and Counting!: Raising One of America's Largest Families--How they Do It and A Love That Multiplies: An Up-Close View of How They Make it Work). Recently Vision Forum offered a free Tea With Michelle Dugar video download if you liked the ministry on Facebook. From listening to Michelle share about motherhood in a conference setting, I desired to learn more from her on how she handles various challenges that come with raising multiple children. So I talked my husband into downloading the latest season on his computer, and we could watch the episodes on our TV through Apple TV . I also put in an inter-library loan request for 18 Kids and Counting: Season 2.  We just finished watching all the episodes. Today (Black Friday), Christianbook.com has 17 Kids & Counting, Season 1 on sale for $3.99 (plus lots of other great family-friendly movies on sale)!

What we all love about watching these videos is they offer inspiration and serve as a fine model for family life. Quite frankly, whether you have one children or eleven, they're just a great example to us all. You may not agree with all their personal convictions (such as making sure their knees are always fully clothed), but you can't help but appreciate (and learn from) Michelle's calm and gentle spirit with her children. I can certainly strive to emulate that same grace with my children--a family one-fifth the size of hers.

In an era where not much on TV is wholesome or family-friendly (I heard Glee just featured a teen girl losing her virginity and two teenage boys lost theirs to each other), watching the Duggars is family-viewing at its finest. Unlike Jon and Kate Plus 8, which left me feeling sad and depressed to see how she treated her husband (while they were still married), watching the Duggars is uplifting. I love that we all, from our three-year old to my husband, can find a nugget of wisdom to take away from each episode, whether it's watching how the siblings treat each other, how they handle homeschool, how Michelle and Jim Bob respond to the children's energy and activity levels in the house, and more. They're a great example to me of not easily becoming agitated or short-tempered, but understanding that kids are kids--rules within reason but don't hyperventilate when a child is climbing on top of the couch or trying to climb up the window.

If you didn't come from a home where Christian family-life was modeled well, or even if you did, I think you'll find taking a peek into the Duggar's home can help us all learn to do it better. At the very least, you'll be inspired and encouraged that raising your family to love God and each other is one of the most important things you'll ever do.

Sharing with:
The Better Mom Mondays

MomSense: A Common Sense Guide to Confident Mothering

 You would think that, with my fourth child, I would be pretty confident in my mothering. Not necessarily so. Sure, I am more confident in many areas, such as interpreting what an infant is trying to communicate, how to go about potty-training boys, and how to deal with a temper tantrum in public. But after the birth of my fourth, I suddenly felt like a wave tossed to and fro in regard to our parenting philosophy in general. We've always adopted more of a Dr. Sears/attachment parenting style, but I found the convenience of the schedule of the Baby Wise approach appealing. The only problem is I've never had the grit to let my baby "cry it out" for a half hour or more.

 

So when I was offered the opportunity to read and review MomSense: A Common-Sense Guide to Confident Mothering, I jumped at it. This sounded exactly like what I needed! Check out what the book's back cover has to say:

"Do blogs, books, magazines, and well-meaning women in your life have you questioning your mothering intuition? Jean Blacker is here to tell you that you are the best mom for your children--and you have what it takes to raise them.

With personal stories from real moms and proven, practical advice, MomSense helps you honestly assess your skills, embrace your mothering instincts, and develop your own unique mothering style. Rather than pushing one 'right' way to be a mom, this hope-filled book shows you that you can have contentment, joy, and confidence in your role as Mom."

Right off the bat, this is a unique book. First, it's the first book I've ever read that is printed in blue ink! Beyond that, like the back cover states, it's not advocating a specific parenting style ("do-it-this-way-or- else") but it encourages moms to take an honest look at one's own particular style and become more confident in our MomSense.

What exactly is "MomSense"? Author Jean Blackmer, who is herself the mother of three sons and the publishing manager at MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) International defines it as "Mom intuition plus common sense." The good news is--even if you don't have very much mommy training starting out (or much common sense!), you can learn new skills and improve your MomSense everyday throughout your parenting journey. (And, by the way, in case you ever feel like mothering leaves you somewhat scatter-brained, Jean points out that "a woman's brain begins functioning at new levels once she becomes a mom." So, even if you're fumbling around in your purse, trying to find your keys, while your kids are begging for quarters for the gumball machine at the grocery store, and the bagger is just waiting on you so he can help you unload your groceries in your car, your MomSense is off the charts!)

After introducing the idea of MomSense and sharing encouragement for growth in our skills as mothers, Jean explores how our mothering is shaped by our own mothers, both positively and negatively. This chapter provided an opportunity for reflection. You've probably found in your own life, that no matter how many times you used to say, "I'll never do that as a mom!", you find yourself doing those very things now that you are a mom. Through reading this chapter (and the reflection questions at the end), I identified some areas where I can work intentionally to improve my MomSense.

The next chapter focuses on decision making. "Life is jam-packed with decisions. How does a person make decisions and live without regret?" You'll find answers here, in this immensely helpful chapter. It offers great advice for trusting your own intuition more fully and making confident decisions. For those like me, who tend to be indecisive and seek out tons of information before making a decision and then second-guess decisions to no end, this chapter was a real confidence booster.

Speaking of decisions, one of the most important choices a mom can make is in regards to the attitude of her spirit. With "practical tips and tools," Jean addresses several areas that are crucial for successful mothering. These are listed and explained as:

• Sense of Patience: Intentionally practicing patience: the ability to endure waiting, delay or provacation without becoming annoyed or upset
• Sense of Respect. Modeling and teaching the Golden Rule: do unto others are you would have them do unto you.
• Sense of Consistency. Becoming the reliable, faithful mom your children need.
• Sense of Perspective. Avoiding the nonsense and focusing on what matters most/
• Sense of Self-Control. Practicing and modeling self-discipline in a self-indulgent world
• Sense of Calm. Remaining composed in the chaos and creating a peaceful home.
• Sense of Joy. Maintaining a sense of humor and creating a joyful atmosphere in the home.
• Sense of Love. Building a sensible mothering philosophy grounded in unconditional love.

The above sections are rich not only with encouragement, but also with practical areas where we can all improve our MomSense.

Finally, Jean shares helpful advice for dealing with some of the common challenges of motherhood, such as handling tantrums in public, potty-training, dealing with sibling rivalry, handling advice from in-laws, and more.

Because motherhood is not one-size-fits-all, you won't find that kind of an approach in this book. What you will find, however, is plenty of grace, encouragement, and practical tips to help you become the best mom for your kids. You'll learn how to make decisions in their (and your) best interest, and how to feel confident about them.

Especially because mothering boys can present unique challenges for us moms (since they are so different from us!), I wanted to ask Jean for any tips on becoming more confident in raising sons.

Here's what she had to say:

"First, it's an important step to realize and accept that you are a girl and raising boys can be challenging, they are definitely different than girls.

My advice to help moms grow in their MomSense (and confidence) in raising boys is to rely on things you know, your common sense, such as boys typically are more physical, greater risk takers and louder than girls. And often boys are attracted to things such as video games, balls, trucks and guns. But, it is common sense that even though a boy is more physical it's not okay to hurt someone else, or boys are louder doesn't mean it's okay to be loud all the time, or it's okay to allow your boys to take risks just teach them safety skills too (A book came across my desk called "50 dangerous things every boy should do" or something like that :)., or just because a boy is attracted to video games doesn't mean it's good for him to play endless hours etc.

Then use your mom intuition. You know your boy better than anyone else. If you know what makes him tick you can help him grow in those passions and direct his - what girls might feel are negatives - his boyishness - into positives. For example, a boy that is super physical would probably really enjoy contact sports and needs to get outside every day and release that energy. If you know your son gets a thrill from taking risks help him find some fun and safe ways to experience the adventures he craves. (Husbands are often good sources for this.) Be intentional about really observing your son and getting to know him, be his biggest cheerleader, and trust your intuition in your mothering of him, over time you will become more confident. At times you still will feel at a loss for understanding your boys so I really encourage communication with other moms of sons and glean wisdom from each other, keep a sense of humor, and enjoy your boys and the passion, energy and adventure they bring to your life!"

In conclusion, MomSense: A Common-Sense Guide to Confident Motheringtruly helped me to not only make a decision regarding our parenting style and newborn scheduling, but encouraged me to grow in my confidence as a mom and in the decisions I make for our family. I heartily recommend this book.

And...you can win a copy, courtesy of MOPS. Just leave a comment on this post. I'd love to hear what one area you'd specifically like to become more confident in, in regard to motherhood (but you don't have to share that). I'll post a winner on Monday. (Please be sure to leave your email in the contact. Shipping to US residents only, please).

Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book to review and one to give away.

The Love Languages of Our Children

Does your child know how much you love him? Probably yes, but he'll know it best if you express it in the language of love he understands--his unique love language.

You've probably heard of the book called The 5 Love Languages of Children. In it, author Gary Chapman outlines the

five universal love languages:

• quality time
• words of affirmation
• gifts
• acts of service
• touch (hugs, cuddling, holding hands)

The book's back cover explains that "every child (like every adult) expresses and receives love best through one of [these] five communication styles. If your love language is different from your children's, you'd better learn to translate fast. Or you could miss your chance to meet their deepest emotional needs."

I find this to be so true in my own life. One of my boys, in particular, has been acting up quite a bit lately. But when someone does something one-on-one with him, he is such a happy boy, and so helpful. He will then obey any request, quickly and with a pleasant spirit. Could it be because he feels a special fellowship from his love language (quality time) being met?

What I realize is that this child needs a little more one-on-one time, instead of always corporate time, where he's one out of four children. He needs focused attention to feel loved.

Maybe we can all take some time on Sunday to think through our children's love languages and find at least one practical way this week to express love in the language they best understand. As an added bonus, my guess is they'll behave a bit better, too.

Motherhood and the Maple Tree

photo credit

Motherhood is like a maple tree. Numerous demands on our time and attention tap our sweet syrup. Our love pours out into little lives (and not-so-little lives), filling their buckets. But sometimes, we find our sap is slowing to a trickle.  

This trend of needing at times, to intentionally choose to show love is common to all moms. So common, in fact, that the Bible addresses it. In Paul's letter to Titus , he encourages older women to train the younger women to love their husbands and their children? Doesn't that just come naturally? Why would anyone need to be trained in it?

I think I have a clue...

The Greek word for "love" in that text is "phileo," which is the friendship type of love. After the initial "I'm-so-in-love-with-you" feelings wear off (for either our husbands or our newborns, but I'll focus on our kids in this post), we could use help to keep on loving our children in the friendship sort of way. They can annoy us, disobey us, test our patience, and sometimes just plain drive us nuts. We love them unconditionally for life, but at times, we need training and encouragement to continue to like them, to love them in a friendship sort of way. (See this post for raising our kids so we like them). We still need to tap our sweet syrup into their lives in a cheerful way.

I love what Jean Blackmer has to say on this topic:

"It's easier to love our children unconditionally when they are newborns. Nothing compares to that experience. And thank God he lets us experience that type of love for our babies--so that when they're toddlers throwing a temper tantrum at the park, we remember how much we love them, even though we might not feel it right at that moment...

As time passes, we forget those days of snuggling with our baby. We forget the smell of the lotion we slather on their bodies. And we don't always feel love. Sometimes love becomes a choice. We choose to love even when we don't feel like it, and this choice will be easier if we practice loving intentionally." -- Jean Blackmer, MomSense: A Common-Sense Guide to Confident Mothering

So when we find this type of love for our children needs to be poured out in a little higher concentration in our lives, where can we turn to find this practical help?

• Our relationship with the Lord. Insight through Scripture, prayer and the Holy Spirit
• Older moms whom we admire
• Peer moms who can share what they're learning, what's helping them
• Inspirational books and articles on motherhood (I love aboverubies.org and the free Above Rubies newsletter, as well as Nancy Campbell's book The Power of Motherhood: What the Bible Says About Mothers)
• Teaching resources (audio messages on motherhood, etc.)
• Blog posts from Christian ministry leaders and others with a passionate heart toward mothering (I find so much encouragement at itakejoy.com) 

In conclusion, choosing to love our kids in a friendly way does sometimes take a little intentionality. When they're pestering us with the same request for the 20th time in a day, or they're disobeying or otherwise irritating us, we're not allowed to just turn a cold shoulder, to shove the lid on our syrup bucket, and say, in essence, "No more kind love for you today." We need to train ourselves to love them in a friendly-sort-of way still.

Some posts I've loved lately are:

• Building Requires a Plan, and a Whole Lot of Work
• When the Milkshake Runs Low

(linked up with Gratituesday at Heavenly Homemakers)

Late for Pickup

Motherhood is full of so many delightful firsts: first smiles, first words, first steps. Then there are the not-so-pleasant firsts: the first time you lose your temper, the first time you make a mistake, the first time you're late to pick up your kids.

That happened to me today. And I felt terrible.

It was AWANA night at church. Not having been out of the house all week, I was feeling a little stir-crazy and was excited to drop off the boys, leave the little ones behind with Daddy, and head to the store for some shopping and sanity. Before I left the house, I made sure to find my watch and put it on so that I wouldn't be wandering around in Walmart (the Mom getaway) long past pickup time. 

As I browsed and picked up a birthday present and some items on my grocery list, I kept checking my watch to make sure I wasn't running late. I checked out with 15-20 minutes to spare before pickup time, which presented a dilemma: arrive early and visit with whichever friends happened to be there early as well, or make a quick run without kids to Walgreens, which was on the way. The running-in-without kids sounded really appealing and won over.

Big mistake. By the time I had found the five packages of toilet paper I was buying, the two dish soaps, the two Cover Girl concealers (which were .49 cents each after coupons), and checked out with my coupons, I was already a few minutes late for pickup. Right then, this whole trip just seemed silly. So I was getting a great deal on the t.p. and the dish soap, but really? My kids are so much more important to me than my Charmin and Cover Girl.

Since I don't have a cell phone, there was no one I could call to say I was on my way. It seems like when you're in a hurry, you always get behind the slowest driver in the world, and this night was no exception.

Finally, I arrived at church...25 minutes after they are supposed to be picked up. I thought that surely there would still be some kids and moms there. But no, it was just the AWANA commander and my boys, one in tears, because all the other kids had long since been picked up and taken home and yet their mommy wasn't there. He said he thought he was going to "have to stay at church for a long, long time."

I could have told him the Bible story of Hannah and Samuel, how she left her son with Eli in the temple for ever, but I didn't. :)

Lesson learned: errands always take longer than anticipated. If you think you can squeeze in just one more itty bitty thing before x, y, or z, you probably can't. Err on the side of caution if it matters to you to not be late. (The plus side is I am stocked up on toilet paper for a good long while, though). ;)

Embracing The Season

Photo credit

Like all of life, motherhood is made up of countless seasons that follow each other with change, just as in nature. There's the adjusting-to-life-with-your-first-baby season. Remember that one? What an adjustment it was! Then, after the seasons of smiling and crawling, walking, and talking, there was perhaps the season of adjusting to life with two.  And more seasons followed.

The season I'm in right now, with four kids six and under and homeschooling one, is not terribly productive in terms of accomplishing lots of noticeable work. Dishes are always piled in the sink. I can get them done, but then a new batch comes in, and you'd never notice--unless you had an inventory list--that I really had washed, dried, and put away a previous batch. The laundry is getting washed, but being put away? Full laundry baskets all over my house testify that the clothes aren't making into the drawers and closets.  Many days, my nearly three-year old is still in his jammies at 10 o'clock in the morning (and sometimes his older brother, too). Much to my chagrin, PBS cartoons educate the kids first thing in the morning, while I nurse my newborn upstairs. (At least they're educational!)

I can either feel like a failure for all the things that aren't getting done each day, or I can embrace the season I'm in right now. With joy. See, I realized--after too many days of feeling depressed and beating myself up for how miserably I was falling behind--that this is just a season. This is what the season of being a stay-at-home mom, with four under six (including a newborn), and homeschooling looks like. Do I want to look back on it down the road, when I'm in a different season, and regret how I felt defeated and discouraged each day? How I just wanted to hurry up and get to a more productive season? Or, do I want to look back with no regrets--remembering instead, that even though it may have looked unproductive according to measurable standards, we had joy. We lived each day to its fullest. I didn't try to change the way it was. I changed me instead.

That's what I want. A transformed heart that recognizes I can't do it all. So the dishes and laundry can stack up during this season, just as long as I am cheerfully loving my husband and children and making memories that I can look back on and cherish--not regret.

How about you? What season do you find yourself in now? How can you find more joy in it?  What tips have you found to help you embrace it fully?