Letting Go of Stuff

As we prepared to move, my husband and I were rather ruthless when it came to getting rid of stuff. A friend, who is a mom to eight, once shared that when they moved, she threw away seven garbage bags full of stuff. I've always kept that in the back of my mind and aimed to do the same. We not only pitched seven huge trash bags (the big, black kind you use for raking leaves), we exceeded it. I think we ended up with at least nine big black bags, plus lots of smaller ones.

What were in those bags? Lots of odds and ends. Lotion bottles less than half full, partially burned candles and ones I didn't like the scent of, broken toys, toys that we no longer needed (and no one else would want), lots of papers, magazines, mismatched linens, dusty decorations, clothes not suitable for donating (or not worth going to the trouble of donating), books (being a book lover, this was hard for me, but at some point, some of it--in the words of Charlotte Mason--is just twaddle and can go), and on and on.

I realized that I didn't want the clutter that was at home in my home to go with us to our new home. We wanted a clean, fresh slate, surrounded only by the things we love the most. (I've blogged about paring down to what you love the most here).

Now that we are moved in and busy unpacking, the culling continues. Call this the second round of cuts. We're still finding things that we don't want or need. We'd rather have the space and the uncluttered look. Today, we worked on going through toys again. Some will be donated, others discarded.

Here's an organizing tip that's guiding me right now:

 Photo Credit

Pretend your home has a doorman out front, guarding who (in this case what) is allowed to enter. You are that doorman.

You've got to decide, before something ever enters your house, if it's worth it to you. It will take up valuable space and require effort on your part to find a spot for it, use or read it, maintain it, etc. So do you really want to let it get passed the door?

Here's an example:
Your friend asks you if you want a stash of her cooking magazines. Do you really want them to come into your home? Do you have time to go through them? Do you have a spot to put them? Are you really going to use them?

Be ruthless when it comes to acquiring and then letting go of stuff!

Another couple of tips that are helping me immensely come from Raising Olives. Kimberly wrote that when her children are given toys, they assume that the giver did not intend for them to keep them forever and pass them onto their children. Rather, the gift was meant to be used and enjoyed for a season.  When it has lost its charm or usefulness for that child or children, it can happily be passed onto some other child who will, in turn, love and appreciate it. (I can't find the exact post, but here is another good one).

In another post about keeping up with keepsakes, Kimberly offers great advice concerning those special things that have been passed down or kept from your own childhood: Use them, and, in her words, "as things wear out we throw them away, happy that our children were able to enjoy something that we loved when we were young."

That even goes for fragile items. Kimberly writes, "I figure that something that belonged to my great grandmother, but is stored in a box in the attic throughout my kid’s childhood will have little meaning to my children. The things that we’ve chosen to keep, we’ve also chosen to display and enjoy. (Yes, with 10 children sometimes things get broken, but my children have many happy memories of playing with and listening to the music box that played with and listened to at my great-grandmother’s home when I was a girl.)"

So, in my zest to pare down, I kept that advice in my head as I went through toys and stuffed animals today. The little yellow bunny I apparently had as a child? It didn't make the cut. I don't remember it; it means nothing to me, and my kids have other stuffed animals they like more that are filling our bin for stuffed animals. The bear the OB/GYN gave one of our children at birth? It didn't make the cut either. They've never played with it, it isn't as cute as others we have, and is it going to be like my yellow bunny when they're grown? They'll take it out of a box, look at it, wonder why Mom kept it for them, and wonder if they should get rid of it, or keep it "just because." We're sparing them that guilt by making the decision now. (A word of caution--we are letting them make decisions about stuff we know is important to them. I know this bear is not one of those things, so I am making the decision).

As the new year approaches and many of us make resolutions to become more organized, I encourage you to go through your stuff as if you're moving, and let it go!

A final thought...isn't it interesting that when we, as believers in Christ, die and go to heaven, we don't take anything with us. What is truly important is already there. We don't need to say, "Hey, can I just grab this one thing real quick to take with me?" We won't miss it. So why is it so hard to let go now?

Look toward heaven, our true home. Keep in this life the things you love the very most. Let go of the rest. You'll experience less stress, more peace, and time to enjoy your husband and children to the full.

Sharing With:
The Better Mom

Messy Monday: Routine Maintenance or Lack Thereof

If you've been reading my blog for awhile, you may remember that about a year ago, I mentioned that our local school district wanted to buy our home (and others on our street) to expand the high school we live next to. Well, that time has finally come, and we have slightly over two weeks to pack up and move out. (I have seen so many answers to really specific prayers through this time that I feel peaceful. The testimony of this time is a great subject for another post).

 

(not my desk! Photo Credit)

One of the biggest things I've realized is--why did I not carve out time along the way for routine maintenance of certain tasks? Instead, I let them go, choosing to spend my time with the more urgent instead of what appeared optional. And now, that is biting me in the behind.

Today, I spent an hour finally sorting my desk. I put things away that have been waiting to return to their proper home for...(I'm embarrassed to say) months.  The whole process didn't take as long as I thought it would, making me wonder why I avoided it for so long.

Lesson: in the new house, take 15-20 minutes a week (perhaps Sunday afternoon?) to order my desk.

My other big project today: sorting through magazines that have accumulated, waiting to be flipped through.

First, I don't receive many magazines to begin with because I can't keep up, but I like Better Homes & Gardens, and Taste of Home. I also have some Family Circle and Everyday Food issues I've wanted to thumb through. But, as most moms know, when you're busy with kids and dinner and dishes, taking time in the evening to flip through a magazine is a luxury that never presents itself. The magazine doesn't scream, "Pay attention to me!"; the baby does.

So I quickly went through a stack, ripping out pages of recipes to try and decorating ideas to file. Now to finish doing that before it remains undone and catches up with me...

Lesson: If you're busy, limit (or eliminate) your magazines.  Carve out time once a week (or month) to look through the latest issue. File what you want to keep. Throw the rest away, or give the whole thing away to a hospital, library, etc.

Overall lesson: no task becomes unbearable if we carve out time regularly and routinely (such as the same time every week or month) to just get it done. 

What is your worst one that you consistently put off, and how can you make a plan to tackle it this week? The ones I've dreaded the most have taken less than an hour (I thought they would take hours!)


Sharing With:
We are That Family (Works for Me Wednesday)
Women Living Well
Raising Homemakers
Deep Roots at Home

Modest Mom

Disconnected, yet Connected to the Ones Who Matter Most

I've obviously been on a bit of an Internet fast, some of it self-imposed and some of it through circumstances. We took a two-week trip to visit my family and camped along the way. While I brought my lap-top with me, most places didn't have wireless, and when we did have it, I just realized I would rather make the most of my time with my family.

Some things I noticed while being disconnected from the world wide web:

• Social media creates clutter. It is amazing how quickly my inbox fills with junk! As we talk about clearing the clutter from our homes, social media creates a huge amount of clutter that I don't think we're aware of on a daily basis. But when you step away from it for nearly 20 days, and come back to hundreds of messages--mostly status updates and notifications from Facebook (and I can't imagine if I was on Twitter)--you realize how massively it all adds up. All of this requires an investment of daily maintenance to keep it from piling up. Is it really worth it? Do I really need to know that an acquaintance is drinking lemonade down by the river on a 100-degree day? (not a real update). 
• Those moments when we just pop on the computer real quick--what is the motivation behind that? Are we a little bit bored? Are we looking for a little spark to liven things up in a monotonous day? What would we do in that moment if we didn't have the Internet to turn to? Would that be a better use of our time? Would our children appreciate a moment with Mom? (Yes).
• Slowing down, and taking those moments to fully engage with my kids, brought us all closer in a way. Getting away from the busy daily routine gave me some time to appreciate and enjoy my children more. I wasn't nagging them, ahem, reminding them, to clean up their breakfast plates and take them to the dishwasher, do their chores, pick up their clothes... We just had fun together. And while vacation is downtime, in the even more downtime moments, I wasn't turning to the computer, I was turning to them. (By the way, I notice some of the problem behaviors we've been dealing with are vastly improved. I think in large part, it's due to the extra attention they received). 
• After the first few days of breaking that magnetic draw to the computer, I find I really didn't miss it. When I could get on the Internet, I didn't really want to anymore. I had witnessed all of the positive effects of not being plugged in.

So while I was disconnected from friends' status-updates, blog posts, online news and more, I was connected to the ones who matter most: my family members. Now that we're home, I'm trying to keep in the forefront of my mind: disconnect to connect. I'm grateful for the time away to realize this lesson.

Sharing with:
Women Living Well
We are that Family
Heavenly Homemakers
Raising Homemakers

Making A House a Home

This post so encouraged me, I had to share it with you. It is a Facebook devotion from Nancy Campbell of Above Rubies. You can like the Above Rubies FB page to get mini-motivational messages each morning.
(I am sharing it in its entirety). 

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--Dear lovely wives and mothers, Thank you for your lovely comments regarding yesterday’s post, I LOVE HOME. Would you mind if I took the next few days to comment on some of the comments? I think it will be encouraging for all.

One precious mother writes, “I’m struggling with this as my home doesn't feel like home. I’m so grateful that God has given this place but it needs so much work doing to it and money spent that we don't have.”

Dear mother, and so many other mothers in similar circumstances, can I encourage you to not get bogged down with all the problems and what needs fixing and repairing, and instead enjoy what you do have? You are so blessed to have a roof over your head, a place of shelter for you and your children, and a place to raise them for the glory of God. You don’t have to have everything perfect to do the great job of raising godly and effective children for the kingdom of God. You just have to have the right attitude.

It all comes back to our attitude. It’s certainly not hard to get depressed when things are not as they should be. I know. But, it is amazing what you can do even in the most primitive and imperfect situations. I could even complain myself. My fridge is falling to pieces and the drawers fall out every time I open the fridge. The stove is ready for the dump! But, hallelujah, I can still cook, and I can still put some things in the fridge! So I keep praising the Lord until we can one day afford new appliances.

I think of my daughter, Serene. Currently, her husband is fulfilling contracts in different states in the country. Serene and the children go to be with him as they are able. His last contract was in Mississippi and he and his brother rented a tiny home for them to sleep when not working—no homely things for a woman! But, Serene couldn’t be parted and she and the eight children spent a few months with him in this little home. The children had to keep quiet all day while the men slept as they worked night shift. She couldn’t let them outside because it was next to a quarry with sheer cliffs a few feet from the house! And she was at the end of her pregnancy!

We arrived to bring her and the children home so she could have her new baby in Tennessee. Instead, she had the baby on the day we arrived in Mississippi. That night Colin and I slept on their blow-up mattress and it was so uncomfortable we couldn’t sleep all night! Serene slept on it every night in her last weeks of pregnancy.

I asked her, “How on earth did you do it?” With a big smile, she said, “God gave me grace. I loved our time in that place.” You see, it’s not the circumstances, but our attitude!

I think of my daughter, Evangeline. They live in their tiny home with their 10 children. They are building on bedrooms, but they are still not completed. The children have never had beds and have slept on the floor all their lives! But, no one complains. They all love their life and you couldn’t find happier children. The boys all want to be tough and train for the Delta Force anyway!

How does Evangeline homeschool and run a home in such tiny circumstances? It’s her attitude! Ask her how she is doing today. She’ll reply, “I’m great. In fact, I’m God’s pet! God is so good and I have a wonderful life.” Evangeline also loves to say, “I’m caring for children, not stuff!”

Please, dear mothers, get your eyes off your circumstances and put your eyes upon the Lord. Thank the Lord for what you do have. Rejoice in what He has given you. Make the most of what He has given you and make it the most beautiful place in the world even if everything is half-finished and falling down around you.

One of the challenges of homemaking is to make something that maybe ugly into something that is beautiful. Isn’t that exciting? As another mother commented, “I used to live in a basement apartment where pipes were coming out of the ceiling, but it was our home at the time and I loved being there with my growing family.” If you have pipes coming out of the roof, decorate the pipes and make them an amazing feature! Who wants to have a boring house anyway? Make every negative into a creative and beautiful thing.

It’s the atmosphere of your home that counts. You can have joy, fun, laughter, and most of all, the presence of the Lord in a tiny unfinished home. You can have coldness and complaining and discontented children in a large and beautiful home.

It’s not the building, it’s the atmosphere. Have you got it?
---


Me again. Doesn't that just jazz you in regard to your attitude toward your home? What can we do today to make it more special, to spread more love, more joy? And as I prepare for a new day, I'm also thinking about what I can do to help my husband to have a good start to his day: grinding coffee and setting the coffee timer, making granola (his favorite breakfast over Greek yogurt) so he has something to eat if he has to leave early.

Here's to a great day ahead!

Own Less, Laugh More?

Hope everyone is having a great summer! I am trying to be present less on the computer these days so that I can be more fully present with my kids during the day (and be more focused at home). That said, I will commit to at least one post a week, written when they're in bed (whether that be early in the morning or late in the evening). So here's a thought I've been mulling over lately...

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 Photo Credit  
(not my neighbors, just a Flickr picture I found)

A Mexican family moved in next door recently. From all appearances, they don't seem to have much in the way of material possessions. The kids' favorite toys seem to be their bikes, and they ride them gleefully for hours in the afternoon and in the evening. Their dad works construction and worked nearly non-stop to build a deck this weekend. And their mom--I haven't seen her much, but the aroma wafting toward our house from her cooking smells delicious and makes me feel like an imaginary cook-off on who can make the best smelling food for their families is on! (Kidding).

A few days ago, as I was working busily inside on catching up on my to-do list, my son came in and said, "Mom, the mom next door is pretty laughy [he meant giggly]. I've heard her laugh 10 times already today," (and it was barely noon when he told me this).

He went back outside to play, and I stayed inside to mop the floor or wipe out the fridge or whatever it was that I was busy doing. That day, I hadn't laughed at all. Even worse, I couldn't think of anything to laugh at. My sense of humor was hidden under my work load.

With four kids under seven, it is so easy to be buried with stuff to do. Despite my best attempts at scheduling, I am always behind. The work always seems to pile up. It's like the saying--"Cleaning house while children are small is like shoveling snow while it's still snowing." I don't expect a spotless house--sure, that would be great--but I am aiming for a manageable one. And I feel like a woman trying to climb a snowy hill, where you make some progress and then slide back down. I can't seem to get on top of it.

So I got to thinking:
What is the difference between me and the mom next door?

Could it be that owning less makes it easier to laugh more? There's less to do, less to manage, less stuff to care for. In that simplicity, perhaps one is freer to slow down and enjoy life more, laugh more.

My son's comment was a wake-up call to me to slow down a little, take some of the stress off and laugh a little more. But where do you start to find funny stuff to laugh at?

• Pray about it and ask for a spirit of laughter. (After doing this, the next day, my youngest son pushed his face against our glass door and made the silliest faces. We all laughed hysterically.)
•  Capitalize on silly moments. Savor them. And laugh!
• Sometimes, I think you may have to force a fake giggle, if it's not coming naturally at first. Practice makes perfect, and the spontaneous laughs will soon follow. 
• Find clean jokes and tell them. Laughter is contagious (remember getting the giggles in class or at church?), and if someone starts laughing, you'll soon be laughing, too.
• Here's a link to another article on the topic, and you could always do an Internet search for more tips.

In my quest to laugh more, I'm adding one more thing to my to-do list: go through the house and declutter.
I'm aiming to own less so I can laugh more.

Sharing With:
The Better Mom
Women Living Well
Raising Homemakers

What's On My Floors Could Be the Death of My Daughter

My three sons have learned a new phrase in the past few weeks:

Choking hazard.

A curious, crawling eight-month old baby loves to find things and put them into her mouth--things that I might miss, that the boys lazily leave lying around. Things like candy wrappers, coins, band-aid peels. Things that could easily cause a baby to choke.

We've had a few incidents.

The first involved the peel from the back of a band-aid. I didn't know one of the boys had gotten a band-aid, unwrapped it, and left the wrappers on the floor. Little Lauren was crawling around the kitchen, and suddenly, I heard her gagging. Nothing puts more panic in the heart of a momma than to see her baby's face turning red as she's gagging and struggling to get air.

I turned her over my leg, thumped on her back several times, and prayed. Fortunately, a few days before, I had asked my husband what you're supposed to do if an infant is choking on something, if turning them over and thumping them on the back doesn't help. He reminded me that you're supposed to look in the mouth and finger sweep the item out if you can see it or feel it.

That's when I could see the band-aid peel stuck far back on the roof of her mouth, going down her esophagus.  I prayed that I could quickly get it out, without pushing it down further.

Doing this on a frantic baby is about as easy as it would be on a cat. It was sight unseen, but it worked. The wrapper came out.

It took all day for my nerves to calm down.

Since then, we've had another scare with another kind of wrapper or piece of construction paper(I can't remember what it was; I only remember the gagging and turning red). Just today, I had to fish a Hershey's kiss foil wrapper out of her mouth.

While extremely scary, these ordeals have been a great kick in the pants for the boys to learn better habits. They cannot be so lazy, for lack of a better word, to just peel something and let the wrapper drop and lay. They cannot take coins out of their piggy banks and leave them on the floor. Everyone must pay super close attention to what is on the floor and remove anything that could be a choking hazard.

As for me, I need to diligently sweep the kitchen and vacuum other rooms, watching closely for little items that may not be a big deal normally but are a huge deal with a baby. 

Looking on the bright side, having a baby can be a huge motivator to step up one's home management.

Home Management=Stress Management

"Establishing and caring for a home is so much more than a decorating dilemma or an organizational challenge or a call to love one's family! It is a commitment of heart, mind, and soul to the task of subduing (making productive) a very specific part of the earth--the domain of the home. It involves teaching minds and nurturing hearts and shaping souls, in addition to getting the rugs vacuumed and dinner on the table!"--Sally Clarkson, The Mission of Motherhood: Touching Your Child's Heart for Eternity

Manage: transitive verb


1: to handle or direct with a degree of skill: as a : to make and keep compliant <can't manage their child> b : to treat with care : husband <managed his resources carefully>
c : to exercise executive, administrative, and supervisory direction of <manage a business>
2: to work upon or try to alter for a purpose <manage the press>
3: to succeed in accomplishing : contrive <managed to escape from prison>
4: to direct the professional career of <an agency that manages entertainers>

As home managers, we do all of the above. We handle and direct our homes with (ideally) ever-increasing degrees of skill, we treat it (and the people within it) with care, we exercise supervisory direction of all that goes on inside, we have a purpose for our work beyond what the eye can see, we aim to succeed in accomplishing our goals, and--despite what society thinks--homemaking is a professional career!

I've always thought of home management as working hard to keep up on what needs to be done (trying to stay afloat) in order to bless my family, but I've never really thought of it as a stress-reduction system--until I read Sally Clarkson's insight in The Mission of Motherhood: Touching Your Child's Heart for Eternity.

"My purpose in organizing my household is not to live up to some external value system, but to make life easier and more peaceful for the whole family. I have learned that I can reduce the anxiety we feel by reducing the stressors, at the same time knowing that they will never totally go away...

Effective home management can do a lot to reduce the stress in our families. Once I began thinking of home management as stress reduction, I found it much easier to pinpoint the areas in my home life that needed attention and to come up with a plan for reducing the stress."

Sally believes the three biggest stresses fall into the categories of stuff, information (papers), and time. Making a specific plan to effectively manage each of these areas, daily and a "purge" day every few months, can help tremendously to lighten our subconscious (or perhaps very conscious!) stress level, thereby creating a more peaceful feeling in the hearts and minds of each of our family members.

For me, one of the areas that is causing the greatest stress is laundry. Not getting it washed or dried, but getting it put away. Actually, even that isn't so hard...but the bottom of each basket contains what I'll call a "layer of sediment"--assorted mismatched socks, outgrown clothes that need to be given away, out-of-season clothes that need to be packed away. The bottom third of every laundry basket I own is filled with this kind of stuff; I just need to intentionally take time this week to deal with it. While what's lurking in the bottom of the laundry baskets doesn't bother anyone but me, everyone will enjoy a more peaceful home when this task gets done, because I'll feel more peaceful, and thus, they will, too.

Everyone in our family--especially our husbands--probably has different problem areas that really bother them and make the home less of the restful haven it should be. In Large Family Logistics, Kim Brenneman quotes organizational and homemaking expert Emilie Barnes' advice of asking our husbands daily if there is anything specific we can do for them that day. I would modify by encouraging us to ask specifically what in our homes our husbands would most like to see us do, if we could only do one extra project each day.

May we intentionally look this week at ways we can improve our home management and thereby decrease our stress!

(linked to the Homemaking link-up at Raising Homemakers and Deep Roots at Home)

Planning for a Good Day

One of the essential ingredients to a successful day is a good plan. While a plan cannot foresee, nor prevent, interruptions or the actions and attitudes of others, it can keep us on track when we would otherwise succumb to temporary disarray. Staring wide-eyed in wonder is a good thing when we are beholding God’s creation, but it’s not so pleasant when we are looking around at our house in chaos, wondering what to do next. A plan keeps us trekking.


“It is most important to set goals and write your list for the day,” writes Nancy Campbell in her devotional book for mothers. “Some mothers like to write their list the night before, others like to do it in the early morning quiet before the start of the day. You will accomplish a lot more with a list. But remember, it’s not the end of the world if you don’t cross off everything on your list!...Even if you cross off one or two things, you are accomplishing something. When my children were little, sometimes I would only complete one extra task! At least it was better than nothing at all!”

Because every personality is different, there is no one right way to plan. Some prefer the by-the-clock method of planning, where every project or chore is assigned a set time; others like to list things to do before noon and things to do after noon; and others prefer a more relaxed approach of jotting down some general goals for the day, accomplishing them as they move through the day and the list. I think I fall in the latter category, although I have tried having a time for everything. Personally, while wonderful in theory, I found that approach a little too time consuming to create and stressful to manage.

“It is more important to set the right tone in your home and create an atmosphere of rest, peace, and harmony, than to make everyone tense by getting through something just for the sake of getting through it.” ---Nancy Campbell


Somewhere, I once came across a planning sheet that you could use with each of your children each day. You would write down goals in different areas, such as motor skills (a few hands-on projects to do) and cognitive skills (work-sheet pages, reading, math, etc.). I thought this was a great idea.

Lately, I’ve been jotting down daily to-do goals in these areas: spiritual, marriage, parenting, fitness (ideally!). I write down what books I plan to read out loud to the kids (right now it’s Family-Time Bible in Pictures,The House at Pooh Corner,and A Child's History of the World,in addition to any others they select through the day) and what learning activities we’ll do (math projects, handwriting, phonics/reading).

I’m also listing my homemaking and organizational goals each day. I’m starting to focus on the old-fashioned but highly effective system of devoting a day each the week to a specific task, such as laundry day, kitchen day, and cleaning day. I will write more about this in one of my next posts.

At the end of a long day, creating a plan for the next day is a step that’s easy to skip. I feel like I can save time and just wing it. Yet, saving a few minutes then costs me later. So yes, I could wing it. But it feels better (and goes better) when I plan it.

Part 1: I Didin't Plan for Chaos!
(Linked to Raising Homemakers and Works for Me Wednesday)

I Didn't Plan for Chaos

copyright Moms In Need of Mercy

Today was just a day. I didn't plan for it to be the way it was. But then again, I didn't really plan for success, either. Going to bed with nothing more than a vague plan for the coming day allowed a whole lot of chaos to enter in. Just the general structure of: "I'll get up, make some breakfast, throw in a load of laundry, start homeschool stuff, and maybe run some errands" just left way too much free time for everything to fall apart. And it did.

Although I have a homeschool routine down for my oldest son (he's six; it doesn't take that long), I didn't really have any structured activities for my other two boys, 3 and almost 5. So they made up their own. Really creative play with manipulatives, like dumping out our small crock that sits on the kitchen counter and holds spare change, keys, and other random items. Now this was all over the kitchen floor. Since baby sister is starting to crawl, and since I would like to avoid another coin-swallowing event, we had to get the change off the floor.

Today's obedience department was closed. But the disobedience section was full of customers. The sole clerk (Mom) grew tired meeting the back-to-back demand for attention and correction.

Really, it's the phone's fault. It rang way too much today. Despite my requests to please let the answering machine get it, sometimes, one of the boys just allowed his desire to be friendly to outweigh his desire to obey Mom--although today, I'm not sure there even was a desire to obey Mom...

So I'd get on the phone, and the boys would get into the cereal--even though they had just eaten lunch. I'd get off the phone, clean up more food messes, and the phone would ring again. And the boys would do their own thing while I was on the phone, which wasn't necessarily a good thing, and usually incurred fighting, whereby one boy would start crying and trying to talk to me while I was still trying to talk to someone else on the other end of the phone. (This is a good way to get off the phone, though, if you're looking for an excuse to cut a call short...)

Nearing the end of the day, we decided to take a walk. Which would have been fine, except for the fact that when we reached the nearby playground, one son came running up to me and announced, "I have to poop!" Yet, off he went to play for a few more seconds, until he would run up to me again and make the same announcement, and then go play again. This happened several times. It was time to go, but no one would go (for reasons above), even though one really had to go.

Finally, everyone decided to obey and home we went. Just a little way from the house, one of the boys decided to top it all off by taking a mud bath. He wasn't trying to. He was only trying to copy his brothers who were climbing snow drifts piled up in our high school's parking lot. He climbed, then climbed down...into mud, and got stuck. As in quick-sand stuck. Me, wearing my new white Marmot parka my husband got me for Christmas, wanted no part of the rescue. But he was totally stuck. So I reached out to him from the curb, and told him he was absolutely not to touch my coat (he obeyed on this one), and I grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the mud. Somewhere in the rescue, he face-planted. But the coat made it out unscathed.

What all this taught me today is that by not more clearly planning for success, I did in fact, plan for chaos.

My next post will address planning for a successful day. I just have to plan one.

(If you like this post, can I humbly ask you to take a second to vote for it here?)
(linked to Raising Homemakers)
Part 2: Planning for a Good Day

Please Come Out of the Kitchen With Your Hands Up

Somewhere during the week of my last fairly labor-intensive menu plan (on the night I was making coconut shrimp from scratch, as in grating my own coconut, which just happened to be Valentine's Day), my husband glanced around at the giant mess of food prep covering our kitchen counter and not so much asked as suggested that we just have easy meals for awhile. "That's why my mom made Hamburger Helper so much, because it was easy," he said.

My husband may just as well have said, "Please come out of the kitchen with your hands up." I was under arrest for making too elaborate of meals. Actually, I think it was really for making too much of a mess during those meals!

Yet, with children all under six--while they can help a little in the kitchen (like shredding lettuce for tacos and putting out silverware and cups)--almost all of the food prep, cooking, and cleanup falls on my shoulders. Executing three meals a day, seven days a week, does become a little burdensome at times.

I truly enjoy cooking. To me, it's not only fun; it's my labor of love for my family. Sitting at the table as a family for dinner is like the crescendo of the orchestra: it's the point when all the work pays off and is celebrated. Or, at least, it should be.

So when your husband suggests you start making...ahem...Hamburger Helper instead "because it's easy," it feels like someone's asking Chopin to dumb it down and play Chopsticks instead of one of his masterpieces (not that I am drawing a comparison between myself in the kitchen and Chopin on the piano...). It kind of takes the wind out of your sails. But then you realize: he's right. Night after night, it is a lot of work. Let's find a way--in this season with a six-month old baby--to make it a little easier. It can still be healthy; it just doesn't have to be so labor intensive.

So this is the start of the week of easy meals.

In her book, Created to Be His Help Meet: Discover How God Can Make Your Marriage Glorious, Debi Pearl has a great section on making meals manageable, largely utilizing the crockpot, and sticking to the same basic meals each week.

She suggests peanut butter toast served on paper towels for breakfast, burritos from beans in the crockpot plus veggies for lunch, and a rotating list of simple evening meals.

Because I just can't bring myself to fully remove creativity from menu planning (and because I like to try new recipes), here is my list of more simple, but still enjoyable, recipes for the week:

Breakfasts:

• Oatmeal with a little butter and brown sugar, fruit salad of blackberries/kiwi fruit/strawberries/clementines 
• Fried eggs, toast, clementines
• Applesauce bread, smoothies
• Yogurt, granola, blackberries
• French toast or waffles, orange juice
• Cold cereal and juice
• Pancakes, bacon
• Veggie scramble and toast

Lunches:

• Taco salad
• Leftover beef stew
• Southwest salad (corn, black beans, cheddar cheese over romaine. Dressing: mix Ranch with salsa) and tortilla chips
• Homemade macaroni and cheese, mixed vegetables
• Beans and rice on tortillas (like tacos)

Dinners:

• Crockpot beef stew, salad, crescent rolls (in the can--that's easy)
• Crockpot creamy chicken and mushroom pasta, asparagus, garlic parmesan bread (from Walmart)
• Creamy shells with tuna and spinach (from the latest issue of Everyday Food,but here is the closest recipe link), cooked carrots
• Cuban black beans, rice, tortillas (again from Everyday Food,--I could not find the recipe online)
• Skillet ziti with chicken and broccoli (but probably making it in the crockpot instead) over pasta with salad and bread
• Pizza, carrot and celery sticks
• Sausage Rigatoni, salad, garlic bread 

I'd love to hear your easiest, go-to meals, and ways you streamline weeknight meals! Do you make the same things every week? Do you often use your crockpot?

(linked up with Menu Plan Monday)

Living in Your Anointing

It's late. I'm tired. I was not even going to blog. If I did, I was going to write a post and call it "I Can't Think Straight." I was going to share with you why I felt like a ping-pong ball all day today.

But I couldn't think of anything encouraging to say, so I wasn't even going to write. I was just going to do a little reading for our Bible study tomorrow morning (I wrote here why I haven't always gone in the past), leave the clean dishes in the sink to dry, forget about the three sprawling laundry baskets full of clothes to put away, forget about the three to four loads that still need to be washed, forget about the messes that abound everywhere I look, forget about the stuff that still needs to be cleared off the table...forget about it until 7AM when I see it again, and go to bed.

But then I did my Bible study, and amazingly, it spoke to everything I'm feeling today. Now I have something encouraging to say, so I'll do my best to say it.

--- 

Today was just one of those days that I'm sure we all experience more often that not as moms. Days when multiple demands from multiple children are flying at us, leaving us whiplashed. The chaos overwhelms us, and we feel like we just can't think straight.

Yesterday was busy and I didn't take the time to plan for the week ahead that I normally do. That was my first and biggest mistake, truly. With no semblance of a plan, the day was a messy, gooey blob.

If I got a spare second, the phone rang. My kids are going through a phase where they love to answer the phone and hate for the answering machine to get it, because it's just so much fun to say hello to the voice on the other end, and they don't understand it's inconvenient for Mom to talk to the voice on the other end right then. So I'd politely get off the phone, get started with something, then the phone would ring again. Today, some of the calls were actually dealing with big stuff, like a neighbor telling me the latest on the school district's plans to purchase our homes, and some family stuff.

I'd get off the phone, head reeling, look at the wake of things my children had done while on the phone. My head would reel again. The baby would cry (when will those teeth break through finally?), one child would ask me something, another child would simultaneously ask me something, and another child would ask me something before I could answer any of the questions. As I sat down to read with our oldest, the youngest wanted a snack, the baby needed a nap, and on and on. A ping pong ball.

I kept reminding myself that it's not their fault I feel this way. Individually, they are each a pretty sweet child (usually). Collectively, it just gets a little (or a lot) chaotic sometimes.

After all the kids were in bed, I sat down to start on my Bible study, and this is what I read:

"Being directed, comforted, and empowered by His Spirit within us is the only sure way to live with supernatural success when we encounter natural events that seek to derail us. We must be annointed."--Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed: A Study of David

I've been planning to blog on being anointed for motherhood...just haven't had the time or the full inspiration until now. Priscilla Shirer defines anointing as a "divine empowerment or a divine enablement to accomplish God's purposes for your life." Although in the Old Testament days, anointing priests, prophets and kings was usually accompanied with oil, as believers in Christ, we are "anointed with the indwelling [Holy] Spirit's presence from the day of our salvation." (Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed: A Study of David). (Scriptural support: 2 Corinthians 1:21-22).

I love what Priscilla Shirer writes in the study:

"The anointing on [King] David's life was essential to accomplish God's purposes, and we must have it to accomplish His plans for us. Without it, everything we do will only be a shell of activity that will leave us breathless from a series of frustrated efforts, amounting to little. With God's anointing, we can face life's circumstances with courage, joy, and inner peace." (bold mine).

Here are some other fabulous quotes from the study:

• "David accomplished supernatural kingdom purposes because God's Spirit equipped him for the tasks...As believers, God calls us to accomplish divine tasks for His glory. We must have the anointing of God's Spirit."
• As believers in Christ, "the Spirit lives in us, and we are sealed and anointed by Him to accomplish God's preplanned purposes. So, if you are a believer, you are anointed--right now. Your task is to rely on the power of God who indwells you so you can be empowered to do what you cannot do on your own." (bold mine).
• "The anointed life engages daily and normal activities in a supernatural way. When you have patience in your mothering...gentleness in your response, contentment in your circumstances, and empowerment in the face of your challenges, you are experiencing the greatest miracle of all. God's presence appearing in your life."

So even on the days when it seems like nothing great was accomplished as you bounced around from task to task and child to child, remember that if you are daily seeking to model what a relationship with Christ looks like in the real world, you are doing the most important and eternally significant work...even if the laundry, dishes, papers and clutter are waiting for you in the morning.

We are empowered by God to do everything we need to do for our families. We may not live in monasteries. Maybe we live in messes! Faithful service, with a kind heart, of the daily tasks we have before us is what helps us grow in holiness.

Step into the anointing and walk in it!

(Sharing with Finding Heaven, Gratituesday, Graceful, and Raising Homemakers)

Lessons From The Farmhouse, Revisited

Today I am revisiting one of the first posts I ever published, called "Lessons from the Farmhouse."
Here's an excerpt:

Driving through the Midwest, there is something very quaint about the rolling acres of cornfields, the neatly-painted red barns and the tidy and well-kept farmhouses that dot the land. The farmhouses seem to beckon visitors in, and I imagine them to be as spic and span, crisp and clean on the inside as they appear on the outside. This may not be the case, but as one drives past, the pride of ownership is so visible, it would be hard to imagine the inside of the home would be sloppy when the outside is so neat...

 From outside appearances, I picture them shipshape inside, smelling of fresh air and sunshine. Beds are made neatly and crisply, a breeze blows through the windows, there are fresh flowers in glass vases decorating various rooms of the house. Thinking about what it could be like inside conjures up a peaceful feeling that I would like to recreate in my home.

But creating this idyllic image begs the question--how do you do it when you have young children underfoot? What lessons can we learn from farmhouse wives?

Go here to read the rest.

A Good Reason to Vacuum Under The Bed

photo credit

In last week's Parade insert in the Sunday newspaper, Dr. Oz shared some advice about getting a good night's sleep. One of the main ways to get allergies at bay is to minimize dust in the home and particularly, in and under the bed. Did you know that dust mites are "microscopic arachnids that feed on human skin"? Yuck, yuck, yuck! They are a major trigger for asthma and allergies. He writes that these bugs "like to make their home in beds because of the steady supply of food." So the older the mattress, the more likely that mites are spending the night under the covers with you, feasting on your flesh.

This information was enough to give me a good reason to vacuum thoroughly under the bed this weekend. I think I took out an entire arachnid colony. At least, I sure hope I did! It's also a good reason to wash sheets weekly (or biweekly for pretty clean kids) in hot water.

I'm normally quite laid-back about things and a little dust doesn't bother me, but under and around the bed...let's just say my attack on the flesh-eating arachnids is on!

(By the way, Dr. Oz recommends replacing mattresses that are older than five to seven years, and buying mite-resistant casings for mattresses newer than that).

The 30 Minute Principle

photo credit

The list of things I'm falling behind on grows by the minute. It's beginning to look a lot like those giant Christmas lists Santa unrolls in the movies. For example, when I learned I was having a girl this time around, I purchased material to sew some adorable clothes in Making Children's Clothes. I'm a beginner seamstress; I just haven't begun.

Another example--
My third son (who just turned three and can't say his "j's" yet) looked at the wall of pictures the other day and said, "Mom, where's Whack in these pictures?" (His name is Jack). Yeah, no pictures of him on the wall anywhere. In fact, his baby book isn't even begun.

That's why I love the 30 minute principle:
Work at something every day--be it a creative project like scrapbooking or sewing, or a necessary project like putting laundry away--for 30 focused minutes (or as many focused minutes as you can with small children in the house). Set a timer if you want. When the 30 minutes is over, put the project away for the day, and start again the next day where you left off.

I read about this idea in Teri Maxwell's book Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit (which is fabulous, by the way). She says that disorganization can be one of the biggest hindrances to a meek (not easily perturbed) and quiet (gentle) spirit. I definitely find that to be true in my own life. This 30-minute principle, although referenced in Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit, is actually from her other book, Managers of Their Homes.

So whether it's getting your house under control, or finding time to work on a hobby, I encourage you to find a way to put the 30 minute principle into action! That half hour is a perfect length of time to get something accomplished without getting burned out (especially when you're cleaning or organizing). Thirty minutes a day, then stop until the next day. You may find yourself even looking forward to it...unless of course, the job that's been put off too long is cleaning out the fridge!

(linked up at Works for Me Wednesday)

I'm A Mommy, Not A Mompreneur (Part 2)

The Internet provides a fabulous way for moms to earn money from home. It sounds like a dream come true: stay-at-home to raise your children, wash your laundry, cook your meals, clean your house, offer hospitality to friends and strangers, and earn some money, too, without ever leaving your front door.


But is it really that easy? Or has feminism so crept into our beliefs that we as Christian women—many of whom profess to stand staunchly against the doctrines of feminism--are feminists and we don’t even realize it?

Feminism encourages women to pursue careers outside the home, but does Christian feminism encourage women to pursue careers inside the home? Even Christians who think they oppose feminism may find they have subconsciously been so influenced by it that they, too, crave career success, but justify it by working from home. But if one seeks to climb the career ladder in one’s field from inside the home, is that really any different than doing the same thing outside the home?

"The mompreneur movement is one steadily growing in the US as mothers try to find ways to make money, express their creativity or business acumen, and also to parent their children". --source

Read what World Net Daily has to say about feminism's influence in culture today and see if it applies to the mompreneur movement:

"So many women – and men – have bought into the notion that women should work outside the home that for the first time in American history, and perhaps world history, vast numbers of children are not primarily raised by their mothers or even by an extended family member. Instead they are raised for a significant part of their childhood by nannies and by workers at day care centers. Whatever feminists may say about [they’re] only advocating choices, everyone knows the truth: Feminism regards work outside the home as more elevating, honorable and personally productive than full-time mothering and homemaking." (bold mine) source

We may say we agree with those statements (or we may not), but what I'd like us to ask ourselves is:

Do we regard work inside the home as more elevating, honorable and personally productive than full-time mothering and homemaking?

There are so many moms out there earning a part-or full-time income from making products, writing articles, and marketing their sites and products online. Nothing wrong with that. The Proverbs 31 woman, who provides us an excellent example of biblical femininity, was involved in the marketplace, no doubt. Proverbs 31 tells us she sewed and sold linen garments, traded goods, and bought a field out of her earnings. Yet, all of her endeavors were for the good of her household—not for her own career success. From this, I gather that there is a distinction between a mom selling craft items or writing articles in her spare time and a mompreneur aggressively pursuing success from within her own home.

Plus, it sounds like the children of the Proverbs 31 woman were not small. They arose and blessed her. This tells us they were old enough to: 1) walk, and 2) talk. Perhaps she wasn’t involved in the marketplace when she was fully involved in raising small children?

Yet, many mompreneurs are not only trying to rise to the top in their fields, they’re usually also parenting little ones who desperately need Mom’s training and attention. They might even be homeschooling, too. They either have superhuman organizational skills and manage to excel at it all, or the work-family balance is out of balance.

“One of the principal issues the mompreneur faces is learning how to balance the requirements of her children with the needs of her business. This is why many sites advise people new to running a business to create small realistic expectations that will not cause too much of a burden to especially young children.” --source


The truth is--we really can't do it all. Even Crystal Paine, the famous money-saving mom, admits that her success comes with a price—it’s not a cake-walk.

“I am a firm believer that, with God's blessings and lots of hard work, anyone can successfully work from home. However, I will be the first to tell you that working from home is just that–it's work...
I won't sugar-coat the truth when it comes to working from home: if you are not prepared to put in lots and lots and lots of time and effort, working from home won't work for you.”--http://moneysavingmom.com/2009/10/becoming-a-workathome-mom-its-work.html

Motherhood—being a good mom—is already a full-time job. Homeschooling, for those that do, is at least a part-time job. Keeping house, making nutritious meals and caring for the needs of our families is another full-time job. Since I already have two full-time jobs and one part-time job, I can’t take on anymore in this season. That’s why I’m a mommy, not a mompreneur.

I'm A Mommy, Not A Mompreneur (Part 1)

In the movie Soul Surfer, Bethany Hamilton's youth pastor tells her that sometimes all we need is to pull back from a situation to get some perspective on it. That's happened to me with blogging.

I love to write. I remember sitting in my bedroom, probably as young as six or seven, writing stories in notebooks I'd keep. In college, I majored in communications and minored in psychology and religion. I envisioned myself going into broadcast news and wanted to make it to the top. But I didn't see how that could fit with my other goal of being a wife and mother, and perhaps someday having a writing and speaking ministry.

God worked it all out. I did work as a journalist for a few years before deciding to trade in my career for a new career: Mommy. Honestly, even the tightest deadline (even a minute to air) is still not as challenging as motherhood can be some days. But what I am doing with my kids has value that reaches far beyond the impact of any news story.

For me, blogging has been a great way to continue to express my love for writing and my desire to encourage other moms. I tried to blog daily. But honestly, I just can't keep up. Not in this season, at least.

I know there are plenty of talented women who run successful, profitable blogs. Would I love to be in that category with them? Yes, and no. I think, if we're honest, we all want what we're doing to translate into some measurable success. But getting to that point takes a lot of time and a lot of effort. Right now, I can't do it. I can't devote the time it would take to write and market my humble blog and keep up with what I need to do at home, and most of all--raise my children. They're little now. They need lots of time and attention--attention I can't be giving them if I'm giving it to my computer.

Honestly, I don't know how other moms of small children (especially moms who say they homeschool) are finding time to be "mompreneurs." Either they have out-of-this-world organizational skills, or something's falling through the cracks.

As I've been mulling over posting on this topic, I just read what Sally Clarkson wrote and knew it was time for me to start this discussion here.

"Last Spring, I met with a young woman. She said, as many young women have said, “Sally, God is just opening so many doors for me, I just have to be a good steward of my opportunities.” (as her exhausted teen daughter was pushing her toddler in a stroller behind her, and complaining that her mom just never had time for her.) This happens to me a lot–young women who have stars in their eyes from money that can be made, audiences that can be found, numbers that can build up. [bold mine]


I have never had more opportunities come my way as now, but I do not like what I see going on in my heart and soul, and so, I am convicted that I need to cut back. I am pulling back from expectations. Pulling back from stress. And simplifying."--http://www.itakejoy.com/im-just-not-that-important/

That's what I've been realizing: I need to forget about trying to be big as a blogger and focus fully on what I'm called to do at home, as a wife and mother. It's my first and highest calling. It keeps me busy! It is, after all, a full-time job in itself.

I love what Paul writes, "Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load." (Galatians 6:4-5). The study note says, "Paul suggests that we focus instead on our own responsibilities. Are we faithfully living for God and fulfilling our responsibilities before him?"

I'll be blogging more about motherhood and mompreneurship in the next few days--just can't promise it will be tomorrow! (Part 2 is now up)

The Home Ec Counter

All I remember about taking home economics in junior high is how clean the kitchen was. The only thing I recall learning to make was homemade donuts, but for some reason, the cleanliness of the counter is still in my mind to this day.  It was spotless. Cooking in the classroom kitchen felt laboratory-like. 

Like my home economics classroom, the kitchen for a nutrition class I took a few years ago was also spotless and lab-like. But when you think about it, food preparation is a science (and an art.) It deserves an austere workspace.

Yet, that's not what I find in my home most days. Sure there is room enough on the counter to do all my necessary food prep (usually). But how much more there would be if, like the classroom kitchens, there was absolutely nothing on the counter top.

A spotless counter encourages cooking and baking. The whole process is easier, because, for one, there is room to work. Things don't have to be cleared or shuffled around first, which can discourage home-cooking and baking.

So that is my goal for this week--to get the counter completely cleared (perhaps even of appliances...we'll see) and then keep it that way.

How The Time Change Helps My Home Management

Even with an extra hour, we still managed to be a few minutes late to church this morning. How's that for a laugh?

Overall, though, I really enjoy the first few days of the time change.

Here's why:

It lends me a helping hand. You can read more here:
http://momsinneedofmercy.blogspot.com/2009/11/daylight-savings-time-lends-me-helping.html

Now, just to figure out my baby's new schedule...

Catching Up When You're Behind

In this season of life, I am falling behind with housekeeping. Not that I want to, it's just too busy right now to stay on top of it all. However, with company (my mother-in-law and sister-in-law) coming to visit, I knew last week I had to get real busy, fast. (Plus, my mother-in-law is super, super neat. She's admitted her standard is very high). Talk about pressure.

Some things that helped me get caught up:

• Teamwork (taking a night to work with my husband; having the kids help pick up, too)
• A friend offering to watch the kids for a few hours, so I could have some focused work time (my now 3-year old stayed with me, and I gave him a microfiber cloth and a bottle of Basic-H spray, which is non-toxic, and he helped me spray and wipe. "There's a spot, Mommy! There's some spots!..." Yes, lots of spots.)
• Simple meals and clean-up (time for paper plates!) (A friend who knew my predicament ordered pizza for us one day so that I wouldn't have to make lunch. Bless her!)
• Focusing on two rooms to clean well, instead of picking around in multiple rooms and continuing to feel overwhelmed at the lack of overall, measurable progress. After two rooms were cleaned quite well (kitchen and living room), I chose to do the best I could with the time I had left in the rest of the rooms

After all that, ultimately, I just had to humble myself. The house was as good as it was going to be. At that point, I needed to loosen up and let people in anyway--focus on enjoying their company, rather than feeling anxious that it wasn't up to my erroneous pre-conceived notions of people's reactions.

I think we judge ourselves and others' expectations more harshly than what the reality is. I was expecting to feel embarrassed. Yet, I was wrong. I was putting undo pressure on myself. Family and friends understand we can't do it all, and they don't expect us to. People are often much more merciful (and willing to help) than we think they may be. 

Now that things are somewhat caught up, it takes discipline to keep them that way. Put things away where they belong right away. Keep pickup routines in place. Stay caught up on the laundry. Stay off the computer!

Tips for Organizing Kid's Toys and the House

I could open a toy store with the sheer volume and assortment of toys we have for our boys. But to them, the toy store is boring. No matter how many they have, they seem to only play with a few favorites, leaving the rest to clutter up the basement floor/play room. Should I pack up all the toys and donate them to charity?

While that is certainly one option, there is another way, which rotates the toy selection and keeps things fresh and exciting. Zesty.

Buy some Bankers Boxes and fill them with toys. (The best price I found was at Sam's Club: 10 for $18; Office Max was four for $18.) They look like this:


You could box toys according to category, such as monster trucks and bulldozers in one, Little People in another, electronic toys (like Buzz Lightyear in another. Or, the option that my husband thought would be best would be to just box up an assortment of toys, so there are multiple choices to play with when that box is opened.

Here's how the system works and the rotation comes in:

I read in an Emilie Barnes' book once (I think it was More Hours in My Day: Proven Ways to Organize Your Home, Your Family, and Yourself) that to organize your home, you box up all unused items in the banker's boxes (they are recommended because they stack well and are durable). Number each box. Then, on a rolodex, list each box number on a card and record on that card what is inside. For example, if you are looking for the box with the Transformer toys, or the Christmas decorations, you can easily flip through the cards and find what number box the item is in. (It would probably make most sense to file the box number for Christmas decorations under the "C's").

Setting up this system certainly takes some time, but I believe (and I come to believe more and more with the more children I have!) that the rewards are worth it. I remember reading in The Duggars: 20 and Counting!: Raising One of America's Largest Families--How they Do Itthat this is the system Michelle Duggar went with after she had her fifth child. She wrote that she either had to do something or she was going to go under. That's where I'm at now, with four kids!

Getting back to how this works with toys, simply rotate the selection once every few days or once every week, at your choosing. This way you ensure the toys you've purchased with your hard-earned money are played with more than once. It also helps keep the kids from getting bored with the same toys. Mostly, it helps keep the toy clutter under control, since there can only be one boxful of items out at any one time.
(And if you want to donate a box or two to charity, that's fine too!).

(linked to Works for Me Wednesday)