And yet, with what happened, I got thrown in the fire, so to speak, with four kids in the emergency room (one throwing massive fits off and on); walking with four kids and crossing a busy street down to where our minivan was parked and back into ER again and then back out to the van again; restraining one of the kids, who was running into the street in front of two oncoming trucks to retrieve his bouncy ball (while holding the car seat in the other hand); hauling a car seat, my husband's bag, my heavy purse in from the parking garage up to the operating room waiting area and taking everything back out again.
I think, if I could, I would crawl in my bed and hibernate for three days.
But I can't.
I have, however, lost 20 pounds in two weeks. I suppose that's looking on the bright side. :)
So I am just another mom in need of lots and lots of God's mercy.
Some random thoughts through this time:
- It's only money. God owns it all anyway. I just need to keep trusting in Him to provide for all of our needs at this point, especially since all the bills seem a bit overwhelming right now. But if they were manageable on our own, we wouldn't rely on the Lord as much as we would otherwise. So I suppose it's better this way. Builds trust in the character of God. Plus, as one of my friends encouraged me, just say, "Here's another bill for you, God." He'll get it paid.
- I love this verse: "I have no need of a bull from your stall or of goats from your pens, for every animal of the forest is mine, and the cattle on a thousand hills...Sacrifice thank offerings to God, fulfill your vows to the Most High, and call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.” (Psalm 50:9-10, 14,15).
- (Something I forgot to say in the original post) I am so thankful for good friends and a great church family. Friends have offered to help with the boys, a good friend watched the boys while my husband was in surgery, others have brought meals or offered to down the road. For all of this, I am grateful.
- I've heard Matthew West's song "Strong Enough" on the radio many times before. I thought it was pretty good. The other day, though, it totally met me where I was at. I'm excerpting the words and the story behind the song from his blog:
"You must, you must think I’m strongSo my mother's here now. Maybe I'll have a few minutes to blog. I do want to share our labor story, plus get some pictures uploaded (not of me in labor!) :). We have two book reviews--one with a giveaway, courtesy of Cannon Press. It's all in the works. Just let me get my laundry put away first... :) Thanks for being patient with me.
To give me what I’m going through
Well, forgive me, forgive me if I’m wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own
The song goes on to explore where our true source of strength comes from. My favorite verse from the bible holds the answer, and I sing it in the bridge of this song. Phillipians 4:13 is a verse my dad taught me when I was a kid...The bridge of the song proclaims,
I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don’t have to be strong enough
One of the reasons I chose this song to be the next single at radio is because of the response it has during our live show on the The Story of Your Life Tour. Every single night, when we get to the part and start singing, I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH, hands begin to go up in the air all across the audience. It is as if people one by one are facing their own impossible mountains and soaking up that much needed reminder that we were never made to be strong enough to make it through life’s adversity on our own. We were made to be carried by the strength of a savior. I hope and pray this song will encourage you when your day finds you facing an impossible mountain. May you be comforted by the reminder that you’re not strong enough, and thank God you don’t have to be."--Matthew West, Strong Enough (bold mine).
(Updating to say that after I posted this, I went to one of the blogs I read regularly--Heavenly Homemakers-and Laura had posted this exact song as well. She has the song with a You Tube video on her blog, if you'd like to hear it and watch the video).