Letting Go of Stuff

As we prepared to move, my husband and I were rather ruthless when it came to getting rid of stuff. A friend, who is a mom to eight, once shared that when they moved, she threw away seven garbage bags full of stuff. I've always kept that in the back of my mind and aimed to do the same. We not only pitched seven huge trash bags (the big, black kind you use for raking leaves), we exceeded it. I think we ended up with at least nine big black bags, plus lots of smaller ones.

What were in those bags? Lots of odds and ends. Lotion bottles less than half full, partially burned candles and ones I didn't like the scent of, broken toys, toys that we no longer needed (and no one else would want), lots of papers, magazines, mismatched linens, dusty decorations, clothes not suitable for donating (or not worth going to the trouble of donating), books (being a book lover, this was hard for me, but at some point, some of it--in the words of Charlotte Mason--is just twaddle and can go), and on and on.

I realized that I didn't want the clutter that was at home in my home to go with us to our new home. We wanted a clean, fresh slate, surrounded only by the things we love the most. (I've blogged about paring down to what you love the most here).

Now that we are moved in and busy unpacking, the culling continues. Call this the second round of cuts. We're still finding things that we don't want or need. We'd rather have the space and the uncluttered look. Today, we worked on going through toys again. Some will be donated, others discarded.

Here's an organizing tip that's guiding me right now:

 Photo Credit

Pretend your home has a doorman out front, guarding who (in this case what) is allowed to enter. You are that doorman.

You've got to decide, before something ever enters your house, if it's worth it to you. It will take up valuable space and require effort on your part to find a spot for it, use or read it, maintain it, etc. So do you really want to let it get passed the door?

Here's an example:
Your friend asks you if you want a stash of her cooking magazines. Do you really want them to come into your home? Do you have time to go through them? Do you have a spot to put them? Are you really going to use them?

Be ruthless when it comes to acquiring and then letting go of stuff!

Another couple of tips that are helping me immensely come from Raising Olives. Kimberly wrote that when her children are given toys, they assume that the giver did not intend for them to keep them forever and pass them onto their children. Rather, the gift was meant to be used and enjoyed for a season.  When it has lost its charm or usefulness for that child or children, it can happily be passed onto some other child who will, in turn, love and appreciate it. (I can't find the exact post, but here is another good one).

In another post about keeping up with keepsakes, Kimberly offers great advice concerning those special things that have been passed down or kept from your own childhood: Use them, and, in her words, "as things wear out we throw them away, happy that our children were able to enjoy something that we loved when we were young."

That even goes for fragile items. Kimberly writes, "I figure that something that belonged to my great grandmother, but is stored in a box in the attic throughout my kid’s childhood will have little meaning to my children. The things that we’ve chosen to keep, we’ve also chosen to display and enjoy. (Yes, with 10 children sometimes things get broken, but my children have many happy memories of playing with and listening to the music box that played with and listened to at my great-grandmother’s home when I was a girl.)"

So, in my zest to pare down, I kept that advice in my head as I went through toys and stuffed animals today. The little yellow bunny I apparently had as a child? It didn't make the cut. I don't remember it; it means nothing to me, and my kids have other stuffed animals they like more that are filling our bin for stuffed animals. The bear the OB/GYN gave one of our children at birth? It didn't make the cut either. They've never played with it, it isn't as cute as others we have, and is it going to be like my yellow bunny when they're grown? They'll take it out of a box, look at it, wonder why Mom kept it for them, and wonder if they should get rid of it, or keep it "just because." We're sparing them that guilt by making the decision now. (A word of caution--we are letting them make decisions about stuff we know is important to them. I know this bear is not one of those things, so I am making the decision).

As the new year approaches and many of us make resolutions to become more organized, I encourage you to go through your stuff as if you're moving, and let it go!

A final thought...isn't it interesting that when we, as believers in Christ, die and go to heaven, we don't take anything with us. What is truly important is already there. We don't need to say, "Hey, can I just grab this one thing real quick to take with me?" We won't miss it. So why is it so hard to let go now?

Look toward heaven, our true home. Keep in this life the things you love the very most. Let go of the rest. You'll experience less stress, more peace, and time to enjoy your husband and children to the full.

Sharing With:
The Better Mom

Messy Monday: Routine Maintenance or Lack Thereof

If you've been reading my blog for awhile, you may remember that about a year ago, I mentioned that our local school district wanted to buy our home (and others on our street) to expand the high school we live next to. Well, that time has finally come, and we have slightly over two weeks to pack up and move out. (I have seen so many answers to really specific prayers through this time that I feel peaceful. The testimony of this time is a great subject for another post).

 

(not my desk! Photo Credit)

One of the biggest things I've realized is--why did I not carve out time along the way for routine maintenance of certain tasks? Instead, I let them go, choosing to spend my time with the more urgent instead of what appeared optional. And now, that is biting me in the behind.

Today, I spent an hour finally sorting my desk. I put things away that have been waiting to return to their proper home for...(I'm embarrassed to say) months.  The whole process didn't take as long as I thought it would, making me wonder why I avoided it for so long.

Lesson: in the new house, take 15-20 minutes a week (perhaps Sunday afternoon?) to order my desk.

My other big project today: sorting through magazines that have accumulated, waiting to be flipped through.

First, I don't receive many magazines to begin with because I can't keep up, but I like Better Homes & Gardens, and Taste of Home. I also have some Family Circle and Everyday Food issues I've wanted to thumb through. But, as most moms know, when you're busy with kids and dinner and dishes, taking time in the evening to flip through a magazine is a luxury that never presents itself. The magazine doesn't scream, "Pay attention to me!"; the baby does.

So I quickly went through a stack, ripping out pages of recipes to try and decorating ideas to file. Now to finish doing that before it remains undone and catches up with me...

Lesson: If you're busy, limit (or eliminate) your magazines.  Carve out time once a week (or month) to look through the latest issue. File what you want to keep. Throw the rest away, or give the whole thing away to a hospital, library, etc.

Overall lesson: no task becomes unbearable if we carve out time regularly and routinely (such as the same time every week or month) to just get it done. 

What is your worst one that you consistently put off, and how can you make a plan to tackle it this week? The ones I've dreaded the most have taken less than an hour (I thought they would take hours!)


Sharing With:
We are That Family (Works for Me Wednesday)
Women Living Well
Raising Homemakers
Deep Roots at Home

Modest Mom

Home Management=Stress Management

"Establishing and caring for a home is so much more than a decorating dilemma or an organizational challenge or a call to love one's family! It is a commitment of heart, mind, and soul to the task of subduing (making productive) a very specific part of the earth--the domain of the home. It involves teaching minds and nurturing hearts and shaping souls, in addition to getting the rugs vacuumed and dinner on the table!"--Sally Clarkson, The Mission of Motherhood: Touching Your Child's Heart for Eternity

Manage: transitive verb


1: to handle or direct with a degree of skill: as a : to make and keep compliant <can't manage their child> b : to treat with care : husband <managed his resources carefully>
c : to exercise executive, administrative, and supervisory direction of <manage a business>
2: to work upon or try to alter for a purpose <manage the press>
3: to succeed in accomplishing : contrive <managed to escape from prison>
4: to direct the professional career of <an agency that manages entertainers>

As home managers, we do all of the above. We handle and direct our homes with (ideally) ever-increasing degrees of skill, we treat it (and the people within it) with care, we exercise supervisory direction of all that goes on inside, we have a purpose for our work beyond what the eye can see, we aim to succeed in accomplishing our goals, and--despite what society thinks--homemaking is a professional career!

I've always thought of home management as working hard to keep up on what needs to be done (trying to stay afloat) in order to bless my family, but I've never really thought of it as a stress-reduction system--until I read Sally Clarkson's insight in The Mission of Motherhood: Touching Your Child's Heart for Eternity.

"My purpose in organizing my household is not to live up to some external value system, but to make life easier and more peaceful for the whole family. I have learned that I can reduce the anxiety we feel by reducing the stressors, at the same time knowing that they will never totally go away...

Effective home management can do a lot to reduce the stress in our families. Once I began thinking of home management as stress reduction, I found it much easier to pinpoint the areas in my home life that needed attention and to come up with a plan for reducing the stress."

Sally believes the three biggest stresses fall into the categories of stuff, information (papers), and time. Making a specific plan to effectively manage each of these areas, daily and a "purge" day every few months, can help tremendously to lighten our subconscious (or perhaps very conscious!) stress level, thereby creating a more peaceful feeling in the hearts and minds of each of our family members.

For me, one of the areas that is causing the greatest stress is laundry. Not getting it washed or dried, but getting it put away. Actually, even that isn't so hard...but the bottom of each basket contains what I'll call a "layer of sediment"--assorted mismatched socks, outgrown clothes that need to be given away, out-of-season clothes that need to be packed away. The bottom third of every laundry basket I own is filled with this kind of stuff; I just need to intentionally take time this week to deal with it. While what's lurking in the bottom of the laundry baskets doesn't bother anyone but me, everyone will enjoy a more peaceful home when this task gets done, because I'll feel more peaceful, and thus, they will, too.

Everyone in our family--especially our husbands--probably has different problem areas that really bother them and make the home less of the restful haven it should be. In Large Family Logistics, Kim Brenneman quotes organizational and homemaking expert Emilie Barnes' advice of asking our husbands daily if there is anything specific we can do for them that day. I would modify by encouraging us to ask specifically what in our homes our husbands would most like to see us do, if we could only do one extra project each day.

May we intentionally look this week at ways we can improve our home management and thereby decrease our stress!

(linked to the Homemaking link-up at Raising Homemakers and Deep Roots at Home)

Planning for a Good Day

One of the essential ingredients to a successful day is a good plan. While a plan cannot foresee, nor prevent, interruptions or the actions and attitudes of others, it can keep us on track when we would otherwise succumb to temporary disarray. Staring wide-eyed in wonder is a good thing when we are beholding God’s creation, but it’s not so pleasant when we are looking around at our house in chaos, wondering what to do next. A plan keeps us trekking.


“It is most important to set goals and write your list for the day,” writes Nancy Campbell in her devotional book for mothers. “Some mothers like to write their list the night before, others like to do it in the early morning quiet before the start of the day. You will accomplish a lot more with a list. But remember, it’s not the end of the world if you don’t cross off everything on your list!...Even if you cross off one or two things, you are accomplishing something. When my children were little, sometimes I would only complete one extra task! At least it was better than nothing at all!”

Because every personality is different, there is no one right way to plan. Some prefer the by-the-clock method of planning, where every project or chore is assigned a set time; others like to list things to do before noon and things to do after noon; and others prefer a more relaxed approach of jotting down some general goals for the day, accomplishing them as they move through the day and the list. I think I fall in the latter category, although I have tried having a time for everything. Personally, while wonderful in theory, I found that approach a little too time consuming to create and stressful to manage.

“It is more important to set the right tone in your home and create an atmosphere of rest, peace, and harmony, than to make everyone tense by getting through something just for the sake of getting through it.” ---Nancy Campbell


Somewhere, I once came across a planning sheet that you could use with each of your children each day. You would write down goals in different areas, such as motor skills (a few hands-on projects to do) and cognitive skills (work-sheet pages, reading, math, etc.). I thought this was a great idea.

Lately, I’ve been jotting down daily to-do goals in these areas: spiritual, marriage, parenting, fitness (ideally!). I write down what books I plan to read out loud to the kids (right now it’s Family-Time Bible in Pictures,The House at Pooh Corner,and A Child's History of the World,in addition to any others they select through the day) and what learning activities we’ll do (math projects, handwriting, phonics/reading).

I’m also listing my homemaking and organizational goals each day. I’m starting to focus on the old-fashioned but highly effective system of devoting a day each the week to a specific task, such as laundry day, kitchen day, and cleaning day. I will write more about this in one of my next posts.

At the end of a long day, creating a plan for the next day is a step that’s easy to skip. I feel like I can save time and just wing it. Yet, saving a few minutes then costs me later. So yes, I could wing it. But it feels better (and goes better) when I plan it.

Part 1: I Didin't Plan for Chaos!
(Linked to Raising Homemakers and Works for Me Wednesday)

Forming Habits

With the New Year come resolutions for new habits. As parents, we not only identify areas where we can improve, but also where our children can form new habits or improve upon already existing ones, such as obeying our requests more promptly, picking up after themselves, and paying attention fully.

Although it sounds so simple, learning to pay attention is not necessarily an easy habit to acquire. Yet it is foundational to just about every other habit imaginable. Nineteenth-century educator Charlotte Mason urged parents to see to it that their children developed the habit of paying attention, for, she wrote, "no talent, no genius, is worth much without the power of attention; and this is the power which makes men or women successful in life." She recommended parents of easily distractable children help their children build the habit of attention by keeping lessons short (ten minutes or less) and interesting.




I love what author Jamie McMillen has to say about forming new habits in her book, Legendary Learning: The Famous Homeschoolers' Guide to Self-Directed Excellence:

"Creating a new habit is actually a lot of work. That's why so many people fail to do it. Like water, we all tend to follow the same easy, well-worn paths rather than exert the effort to clear a new path. But this is all the more reason to help our kids build the right papths in the first place. It takes diligence."

The diligence required to train our children to form habits that can make us so weary as moms as moms sometimes. I would love it if I could explain and demonstrate once what I expect and then have it followed exactly so ever-after. But that is not the case when it comes to training children. This calls for a loving spirit and a great deal of patience (and a new, or improved, habit of such on Mom's part!).

"We can reinforce those expectations with gentle reminders. But we will have to be consistent and follow through. It's not enough to just say, 'Please put away your paints so we can set the table,' then repeat it at regular intervals hoping that your child will comply. You will save yourself a lot of heartache if you get your child in the habit early of cleaning up her paints as soon as she is done. Do it with her every time at first. Show her how to clean the brushes and where to put her picture to dry and where to put the paint box every time. The hard part is consistency. Even if you are in the middle of preparing dinner or a phone call, you need to initiate the cleaning-up process as soon as she is done painting. Eventually your consistency will pay off and it will become a habit she can continue on her own."--Legendary Learning: The Famous Homeschoolers' Guide to Self-Directed Excellence

So when it comes to teaching our children new habits, first demonstrate in short, bite-sized chunks, what you expect. In Legendary Learning, McMillen writes about John Wooden--named "the greatest coach of all time in any sport" by ESPN. His success was credited to the fact that he ran short, intense drills followed by feedback. Explain, demonstrate, imitate, correct, repeat--that was his habit of coaching. It worked.

"Training for anything involves repition of the correct behavior. Drama, screaming, and scolding are not helpful. Consistency, modeling, and patience are the way to go. Legendary Learning: The Famous Homeschoolers' Guide to Self-Directed Excellence

I love those lines. I would add that praise is a huge motivator as well. Our children will hopefully work hard on learning and perfecting their new habits, and they will do so much better (and be so much more motivated to work harder) under our words of encouragement and praise. As I watch Michelle Duggar with her children, I never see her raise her voice or sternly correct her little ones. She is full of praise for their attempts at obedience and helpfulness. Those little nuggets motivate children in a way that criticism and harshness never will.
 
 (linked with the Homemaking link-up at Raising Homemakers and Works for Me Wednesday)

The 30 Minute Principle

photo credit

The list of things I'm falling behind on grows by the minute. It's beginning to look a lot like those giant Christmas lists Santa unrolls in the movies. For example, when I learned I was having a girl this time around, I purchased material to sew some adorable clothes in Making Children's Clothes. I'm a beginner seamstress; I just haven't begun.

Another example--
My third son (who just turned three and can't say his "j's" yet) looked at the wall of pictures the other day and said, "Mom, where's Whack in these pictures?" (His name is Jack). Yeah, no pictures of him on the wall anywhere. In fact, his baby book isn't even begun.

That's why I love the 30 minute principle:
Work at something every day--be it a creative project like scrapbooking or sewing, or a necessary project like putting laundry away--for 30 focused minutes (or as many focused minutes as you can with small children in the house). Set a timer if you want. When the 30 minutes is over, put the project away for the day, and start again the next day where you left off.

I read about this idea in Teri Maxwell's book Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit (which is fabulous, by the way). She says that disorganization can be one of the biggest hindrances to a meek (not easily perturbed) and quiet (gentle) spirit. I definitely find that to be true in my own life. This 30-minute principle, although referenced in Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit, is actually from her other book, Managers of Their Homes.

So whether it's getting your house under control, or finding time to work on a hobby, I encourage you to find a way to put the 30 minute principle into action! That half hour is a perfect length of time to get something accomplished without getting burned out (especially when you're cleaning or organizing). Thirty minutes a day, then stop until the next day. You may find yourself even looking forward to it...unless of course, the job that's been put off too long is cleaning out the fridge!

(linked up at Works for Me Wednesday)

The Home Ec Counter

All I remember about taking home economics in junior high is how clean the kitchen was. The only thing I recall learning to make was homemade donuts, but for some reason, the cleanliness of the counter is still in my mind to this day.  It was spotless. Cooking in the classroom kitchen felt laboratory-like. 

Like my home economics classroom, the kitchen for a nutrition class I took a few years ago was also spotless and lab-like. But when you think about it, food preparation is a science (and an art.) It deserves an austere workspace.

Yet, that's not what I find in my home most days. Sure there is room enough on the counter to do all my necessary food prep (usually). But how much more there would be if, like the classroom kitchens, there was absolutely nothing on the counter top.

A spotless counter encourages cooking and baking. The whole process is easier, because, for one, there is room to work. Things don't have to be cleared or shuffled around first, which can discourage home-cooking and baking.

So that is my goal for this week--to get the counter completely cleared (perhaps even of appliances...we'll see) and then keep it that way.

Catching Up When You're Behind

In this season of life, I am falling behind with housekeeping. Not that I want to, it's just too busy right now to stay on top of it all. However, with company (my mother-in-law and sister-in-law) coming to visit, I knew last week I had to get real busy, fast. (Plus, my mother-in-law is super, super neat. She's admitted her standard is very high). Talk about pressure.

Some things that helped me get caught up:

• Teamwork (taking a night to work with my husband; having the kids help pick up, too)
• A friend offering to watch the kids for a few hours, so I could have some focused work time (my now 3-year old stayed with me, and I gave him a microfiber cloth and a bottle of Basic-H spray, which is non-toxic, and he helped me spray and wipe. "There's a spot, Mommy! There's some spots!..." Yes, lots of spots.)
• Simple meals and clean-up (time for paper plates!) (A friend who knew my predicament ordered pizza for us one day so that I wouldn't have to make lunch. Bless her!)
• Focusing on two rooms to clean well, instead of picking around in multiple rooms and continuing to feel overwhelmed at the lack of overall, measurable progress. After two rooms were cleaned quite well (kitchen and living room), I chose to do the best I could with the time I had left in the rest of the rooms

After all that, ultimately, I just had to humble myself. The house was as good as it was going to be. At that point, I needed to loosen up and let people in anyway--focus on enjoying their company, rather than feeling anxious that it wasn't up to my erroneous pre-conceived notions of people's reactions.

I think we judge ourselves and others' expectations more harshly than what the reality is. I was expecting to feel embarrassed. Yet, I was wrong. I was putting undo pressure on myself. Family and friends understand we can't do it all, and they don't expect us to. People are often much more merciful (and willing to help) than we think they may be. 

Now that things are somewhat caught up, it takes discipline to keep them that way. Put things away where they belong right away. Keep pickup routines in place. Stay caught up on the laundry. Stay off the computer!

Tips for Organizing Kid's Toys and the House

I could open a toy store with the sheer volume and assortment of toys we have for our boys. But to them, the toy store is boring. No matter how many they have, they seem to only play with a few favorites, leaving the rest to clutter up the basement floor/play room. Should I pack up all the toys and donate them to charity?

While that is certainly one option, there is another way, which rotates the toy selection and keeps things fresh and exciting. Zesty.

Buy some Bankers Boxes and fill them with toys. (The best price I found was at Sam's Club: 10 for $18; Office Max was four for $18.) They look like this:


You could box toys according to category, such as monster trucks and bulldozers in one, Little People in another, electronic toys (like Buzz Lightyear in another. Or, the option that my husband thought would be best would be to just box up an assortment of toys, so there are multiple choices to play with when that box is opened.

Here's how the system works and the rotation comes in:

I read in an Emilie Barnes' book once (I think it was More Hours in My Day: Proven Ways to Organize Your Home, Your Family, and Yourself) that to organize your home, you box up all unused items in the banker's boxes (they are recommended because they stack well and are durable). Number each box. Then, on a rolodex, list each box number on a card and record on that card what is inside. For example, if you are looking for the box with the Transformer toys, or the Christmas decorations, you can easily flip through the cards and find what number box the item is in. (It would probably make most sense to file the box number for Christmas decorations under the "C's").

Setting up this system certainly takes some time, but I believe (and I come to believe more and more with the more children I have!) that the rewards are worth it. I remember reading in The Duggars: 20 and Counting!: Raising One of America's Largest Families--How they Do Itthat this is the system Michelle Duggar went with after she had her fifth child. She wrote that she either had to do something or she was going to go under. That's where I'm at now, with four kids!

Getting back to how this works with toys, simply rotate the selection once every few days or once every week, at your choosing. This way you ensure the toys you've purchased with your hard-earned money are played with more than once. It also helps keep the kids from getting bored with the same toys. Mostly, it helps keep the toy clutter under control, since there can only be one boxful of items out at any one time.
(And if you want to donate a box or two to charity, that's fine too!).

(linked to Works for Me Wednesday)

The Missing Redbox

photo credit

The kids were asleep. The house was quiet. My husband and I were all set to have a fun date at home. I was looking  forward to relaxing on the couch with a bowl of popcorn while watching a romantic comedy. The only problem was we couldn't find the movie. Anywhere.

After scouring the house, the mini-van, the kids' rooms (they make off with the strangest things sometimes), the garage, and the house again, the Redbox finally turned up. All that time, all that searching, and it was directly next to the entertainment center, on the floor under a throw pillow.

The messier our homes are, the harder it is to find something. In a more pristine environment, out-of-place items are much easier to locate, mainly because they're--well, out-of-place. We waste time searching here and there, moving clutter around to discover where our hidden item has chosen to make its new home.

Right now, I'm trying to figure out some systems to help me stay on top of it better, or at the very least, to not become so buried. It is difficult to housekeep for five other people while also mothering those other people. I can't pick up the soldiers spread out at Fort Living Room while also acting as commanding officer--stopping duels and redirecting unauthorized exercises; mess haul cook; and chaplain.

We need mercy. A helper provides that mercy. There is power in two.

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up." (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).

My husband and I worked together this weekend. Together, one could oversee the troops while the other could focus fully on clearing the mine field. Together, progress was made.

If your husband is unwilling or unable to help, perhaps you could find a friend to swap kids with. One week, she takes your kids (on top of hers) for two hours while you clean like mad. The next week, you take hers while she gets some time to do what she'd like. I have tried this before on occasion, as well, and it is also helpful.

What strategies do you employ to get caught up and stay caught up?



Finding a Focus

Has your house ever been so messy and so chaotic that you feel like you're going to have a panic attack? Mine has. Everywhere I look, I feel overwhelmed. My head starts to spin. The dishes are backed up. The laundry's backed up. There are piles everywhere. Clothes. Toys. Books. Clutter. I feel like I'm living in chaos.
In moments like these, it's important to just get busy and do something. Anything. Take 10 minutes and load the dishwasher. Get the dishes out of the sink. Looks better. Now do something else for 10 minutes. Just keep working in short chunks, working around the kids, interruptions, tantrums, phone calls. The key is to just keep plugging away here and there, as you have time, using those minutes. You will soon notice progress. You will soon feel better.

Maybe it's not your house. Maybe for you, it's your schedule. Maybe you're so busy that you feel overwhelmed. Do you feel like you can't focus?
 
No matter what the source of our disclarity, just find something to focus on. Plug away at the task directly before you, without allowing yourself to panic about what else is also laying ahead. Focus on the minute at hand. Like the saying--"How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time."
 
Tackle whatever need's tackling in manageable chunks. You may be amazed at how quickly the fog clears when we're putting a lot of productivity into a few minutes. (See this post for more on that).

The Law of Thermodynamics in our Homes

Hard work on Friday resulted in a clean, orderly house to enjoy for the weekend. A fun Friday night at home gave way to a lazy Saturday morning, which turned into a busy Saturday afternoon, which morphed into an enjoyable evening out with friends. Home late and up early for church. By Sunday afternoon, what had been a nice, neat house had deteriorated beyond recognition. I woke up to a very messy Monday. It was discouraging.

As my husband sought to encourage me, he said that houses--particularly homes with many young children--will vacillate between order and disorder continually. We just have to stay on top of it, or we will find a disaster all the time (and it will be very difficult to climb out of).

I loved what Sally Clarkson wrote last week on this topic,

"We are living in homes where the laws of thermodynamics take place every day–that energy is depleting at a constant rate and everything is moving toward disorder. Knowing this–understanding that it will never change–and give yourself grace. Do not expect perfection. Do not condemn yourself or become angry at your children because they are not perfect."--"The Fallen Kingdom of Home"

A weekend of leisure can certainly be a good thing. But work is a good thing too. Either, taken to an extreme, is harmful. Both in balance is helpful--for our homes and for our hearts.

In a sermon about work, Pastor Mark Bergen of The Painted Door church in Chicago said that God intended work for our joy, as a way barricade us from the negative consequences we would encounter if we ignored our work.  See the book of Proverbs in the Bible for examples. In our homes, too much leisure usually gives us too much mess.

In closing, may we all be encouraged--even in the midst of any disorder in our homes--by Sally's words:

"Walk in grace. Celebrate life. Look for joy in the corners of your life. Always find a friend to pray with, to share life with, who holds your ideals and values. Know that all moms have the same issues–just different puzzles to put together."--The Fallen Kingdom of Home

I will be blogging about work, children, and chores more in the next few weeks.

Don't Let Your Labors Take Too Long

I read once that extreme perfectionists tend not to clean very often. The reason is, if they feel like they can't do an immaculate job right then, they'd rather not do the job at all. So routine tasks are put off indefinitely and the deep cleaning rarely gets done either, because when in life is there ever that much time available?

Recently, I observed this in action in someone's life whom I know well. Cleaning a bathroom should not take two days. I would argue it should not even take two hours (unless it is in particularly bad shape with excessive clutter to clear away first). But if one stretches the job to make it take a massive amount of time, it's no wonder one will burnout and not want to clean regularly (as in a fairly quick, weekly tune-up).

Our mothers and grandmothers reserved deep cleaning tasks for fall and spring. There is a reason for this. Deep cleaning like that cannot reasonably be done every week. Cleaning any room (or the entire house) top-to-bottom twice a year is still a pretty big undertaking.  That's why it was limited to twice a year.

This Labor Day, I encourage you to limit your labors. It is more important to clean kitchen counters, floors, and bathrooms regularly (even if it is not perfectly thorough) than to spend hours scrubbing every nook and cranny. Reserve those not-so-urgent or obvious tasks for once-a-month deep cleaning days or fall or spring cleaning. That way, at least the routine stuff will still be accomplished and the house will be relatively neat and tidy. It doesn't have to be perfect, just sanitary and presentable.

Related post: The Disastrous Pairing of Disorganization and Perfectionism

How the Cash Envelope System Can Work with Chores

Our cash envelope system continues to work well for us, helping us discipline and track our spending and save in various areas. With the system, as you probably know, you put a certain amount of money in each envelope, spending it as needed. But the goal is to spend as little as possible in order to save as much as possible and see that money grow.

I think the same principle can work in our homes in reverse. Let me explain.

Instead of putting money in envelopes, you'll put a list of chores--written on index cards--in six envelopes, one for each day of the week (I suggest taking the Sabbath off for rest). Whereas with the cash envelopes where you'll aim to move through the money as slowly as possible, with the envelope chore card system, you'll aim to "spend" them (or move through them) as quickly as possible each day.

How to make this work, practically speaking? First, think through what needs to be done in your home on a weekly basis. Write these chores down on a sheet of paper. Note how often they need to be done. (For example, with boys, I need to do at least a quick clean of our bathroom every day or every few days. With laundry, I have to do at least two loads a day to stay on top of it. Then I have to put those away each day.) If you need ideas of what should be done weekly, I've found these books helpful: Confessions of a Happily Organized Family and Home Comforts: The Art and Science of Keeping House. (Check if your library has one or both, or do an Internet search on suggested weekly cleaning chores).

Then look over your list and transfer the chores to index cards (one chore per card). Divide those up as evenly as possible into the envelopes. Don't spend too much time figuring out if you'd rather mop on Monday or on Wednesday, dust and vacuum on Tuesday or Friday--although, if you know a certain day of the week is particularly busy for you, put fewer chores in that day's envelope.

With little children, you could draw pictures on the index cards to illustrate the chore. If they're capable of doing it, they can "spend" that card. One of my boys, in particular, loves getting in our cash envelopes (and really loves finding the bigger bills). So now he can have an envelope system I don't mind him digging through. Maybe if he does a good job, he can earn some money from a cash envelope--just not as large of a bill as he would hope for (a one, not a one with two zeroes.) :)

I think we'll make some chore envelopes in the morning, complete with pictures. I'm thinking three to five chores each day is a good start. (We can always build from there as needed). Then we'll aim to work through them as quickly as possible for the day.

Least Favorite Chores

So I'm not really a fan of ironing. Don't get me wrong--I like the look of nicely pressed shirts, skirts, pants, etc.; I just don't particularly enjoy being the one pressing the clothes. Once I get going, ironing isn't really that bad. It's just the getting-going part that's tough for me. But my ironing pile is mounting up.

Should I:
a) put it in a basket and save it for my mother or mother-in-law to do to help after the baby? (insert evil laugh here...)
b) spray the clothes with a wrinkle relaxer and call it good? They may not look crisp, but oh well...
c) mount up the enthusiasm and get going--just do it anyway?
d) a combination of all of the above?

In reality, I probably will employ a little bit of all the above. But...the goal will be to get the ironing board out, grab the clothes that really should be pressed, and do it despite my feelings.

With undesireable chores, I've found it's best just to not think about it too much (you can put it off all day, for days); just do it; and do it early in the day. Then it's done. You feel so much better. So let's say yes to those chores we've been putting off.

The Power of a Woman's Touch

When it comes to making a house a home, we as women just have a certain knack that can not be underestimated. This became so clear to me on a recent outing to check out some open houses. We specifically went to see house because the pictures of it on the computer caught our eye. It was tastefully decorated and homey. Once inside, however, it was a different story. The owners had moved out, leaving nothing behind--except a substantial amount of repairs. Everywhere you looked there was something broken or damaged. It did not look well cared for, as the pictures led us to believe. It looked like it had been destroyed.

When we got home, my husband looked at the brochure from that house (showing it when the family still lived there). He said, "Now, what about this one? We didn't see this house." I reminded him that we had just come from that house.

How interesting it is that when a home is turned into a home, the eye is drawn to everything that is appealing and drawn away from that which needs repair.  The house was the same house in the pictures that it was when we looked at it.  The difference was the woman's touch (which lent it such an appealing air in the photos) was now missing.

Making home an inviting place to be doesn't have to cost a lot of money, or any additional money at all. There are simple things we can all do to kick the cozy welcome factor up a notch or two. We can clear clutter, we can add a few plants or pick some flowers from the garden and put them in a pretty vase, we can arrange (or rearrange) decorations we already own in an attractive way.  Every home is different, and every decorating style is different. The goal is to figure out what ours is individually and use it to bless our families. And let's not forget the power of our attitude and words to affect the atmosphere of our homes as well.

So what can we do today to display the unspoken power of a woman's touch at home?

Related post: A Little Care Goes a Long Way

Frugality and Convenience

Often, in the interest of saving money, we sacrifice convenience. Whether it be making our own foods from scratch rather than buying pre-made mixes, washing and chopping whole fruits and vegetables instead of buying pre-cut, or making our own homemade cleaners rather than grabbing something off the shelf at the store, we trade a bit of time for a bit of savings. Most of us don't mind. We know those savings can add up.

But sometimes, at different seasons of our lives, we may choose to pay a bit more for the convenience of having something ready-made. If we are frugal by nature, this might be difficult at first, but let's remember, it's just a choice to buy a benefit for a season. Another option is to come up with our own frugal version of the commercial product.

For example, right now, our kitchen mop is unwieldy for the boys. But the Swiffer Wet-Jet is just the right size for them. They'll mop the floor for me with the Swiffer. Yet, the refill pads are a bit more than I'd prefer to pay. It feels like a waste. Yet...would I take the trade-off: spend some money I wouldn't ordinarily spend to make it convenient for the boys to take over cleaning the floor? In this season, I think I will settle for that. (Update: I realized I could take some old wash rags or microfiber cleaning cloths--bought at the Dollar Tree--and use clothes pins to attach them to the Swiffer; a workable more frugal and environmentally friendly solution).

However, I'm going to skip buying the bottle of refill solution. Because the boys love to push the squirt button, too much solution ends up on the floor, and that is a waste. So I give them a squirt bottle with water mixed with Shaklee's Basic-H (or you could do water and vinegar, or another combination), have them squirt a small area, then wipe it with the Swiffer. (Update: Also at the Dollar Tree, I found a bottle of Mop and Shine. Just squirt it out and then wipe it up. This is another option).

When the baby comes, I may also spend a little money that normally I think is unnecessary to buy paper plates and some convenience foods that my husband or I can prepare quickly and easily. Hamburger Helper isn't my preferred dinner of choice, but if I can give the box to my husband and it gets me out of cooking dinner during the week or two post-baby, so be it. A trade off for a time.

What are some trade-offs you've chosen to make to save time right now, or vice versa--to save money? Or...what are some frugal ways you've found to substitute your own version of common convenience products, such as the Swiffer pads and solution?

(linked to Works for Me Wednesday)

The Art of Roughhousing

Browsing through the Sunday paper, I was amused to come across an article about a new book called The Art of Roughhousing.Complete with diagrams and instructions, the book promotes the benefits of roughhousing: making kids "smarter, emotionally intelligent, likable--even lovable," according to the book. The authors, both dads, argue that kids--especially boys--must get away from the electronics and the avoidance of rowdiness and get back to good old-fashioned roughhousing. They say it's vital to self-esteem and physical development.

I chuckled at the quotes from a mom of two boys, ages 4 and 2, who was interviewed for the story. She said, "All they do is rough-housing. They're physically incapable of not doing it. I find it stressful, dangerous for them, and the interior of my home, which is taking a beating, too."

How many of us mothers of boys can relate to that sentiment?

Most likely, all of us. Another mom of a 3-year old daughter and 18-month old son said it's "their wrestling, chasing, jumping on furniture and running in the house" the second she turns her back that most concerns her. She said she constantly feels like she's saying, "Stop, don't do that!"

Roughhousing is one of my tipping points, too. If they're not roughhousing with each other, the boys are roughhousing with the house. They're grabbing the cords for our custom living room shades that are bolted into the wall and swinging like they're Spider-Man. Everyday, we review that they are not to do that; everyday, they try it again and again. Chairs become trampolines, despite reminders that chairs are not trampolines and despite discipline when they fail to heed the warnings. The built-in bookcase not only holds books, it also serves as a climbing wall. The living room apparently makes a great track for running laps, and the window seat ledges (and coffee tables) offer plenty of practice for perfecting jumps. Makes for stronger bones, I guess. Apparently, the neighbors get a little nervous when they see our boys climbing the fence and sitting on the top rails to wave goodbye to Dad in the morning and after lunch. But they don't know that our boys have perfected the art of roughhousing. If the book's right, it's all for their good (and perhaps mine too): they'll be smarter, more emotionally in-tune, and more likable. Now if I could just find roughhousing more likable, I'd be all set...

Pregnancy, Summer, and Cleaning

Few things combine worse than pregnancy, summer, and cleaning.  Depending on the stage of pregnancy, you don't feel good, or you feel too big to bend down easily, and since it's summer, it's hot, which is also hard to deal with during pregnancy.

But even if you're not pregnant, few of us want to be inside cleaning when it's a beautiful summer day outside. Plus, as moms, if our children are outside playing, it's not realistic to be inside all day working through a list of chores. We need to be keeping an eye on them.

So is the solution to just let our houses go all summer long?

While that could work if everyone's super relaxed, it may backfire when you start sticking to the watermelon and popsicle drips on the kitchen floor, or when you feel like the beach is inside because of all the sand that's been tracked in, or when your kids start studying ant houses in your house.

I think there's realistic way to make it all work. First, relegate cleaning tasks to short little mini-bursts. So many jobs truly take less than 30 seconds: wiping out a sink, grabbing a microfiber cloth and wiping a mirror or window, wiping down the counter, sweeping the floor, scrubbing a toilet, etc. Do them when you have a quick burst of energy, or even when you don't--just get it done. It won't take long. Do a bit here and there throughout the day.

Second, delegate to little helpers. This is why I love using natural cleaning products, like baking soda. I can give any one of my kids a little dish of baking soda and a cloth and ask them to sprinkle it in the sink and wipe it with a cloth. It won't hurt their hands, like a cleaner such as Comet might. Sure, some of the jobs may not look like they were performed at the hands of an adult, but at least the job is done (kind of), and the kids are learning responsibility and how to help out at home.

Third, I find it helpful to tackle any bigger jobs (such as mopping the floor) right away as the day begins. If you go to bed at night knowing which big chore you'll do first thing in the morning, you can just get it done (while it's still cool outside) and have the rest of the day to enjoy outside if you'd like.

This is how I'm attempting to keep our house somewhat under control while in my third trimester during the summer months. What works for you?

Attention Deficits

I think I have attention deficit disorder. But I don't need to take medication for it; I just need to learn to focus better and stay on track during unpleasant tasks. For example, as I was working to clean up the kitchen after we let it slide downhill this weekend, several more pleasant ideas popped in my mind: gotta check x, y, and z on the Internet, need to look to see if I have a coupon to match a certain sale, finish sorting and packing away some of the baby girl hand-me-downs we received (which I was in the middle of before my husband nicely suggested we focus on the kitchen). You name it, my mind wanted to do it and my body wanted to follow suit.

But then, I realized that I really just needed to focus on the task at hand and finish cleaning the kitchen. All the thoughts that kept popping into my mind of more enjoyable activities could wait. See, I don't have any attention deficits when I'm focusing on something I want to do--only when I'm doing something I don't want to do. But if we train ourselves to stay on track, we grow in discipline (and home management).

If you're like me, I read a tip once about having a list nearby during those "attention deficit" tasks. We don't have to leave the chore at hand to do what pops in our mind; we can just write the idea down and do it when we're done with the task (or when we reach some free-time, or scheduled time for that to-do list).

I think my oldest son is like me in this. He can focus intently on a project he's interested in. But when you ask him to sit down to practice reading, or work on math, he wants to pop up to check on something, or do something real quick, or eat something...you name it. His lack of focus has kind of been bugging me lately, and I've wondered what to do about it--how to help him stay more on track. Then I realized today, with my kitchen episode, that I'm the exact same way. So I can't blame him for being drawn to things that are more fun, but I can work with him to learn to focus and finish what we're working on, even when we'd rather be working on other things. We can grow together.

Here are some related posts on this topic:

• Training Our Responses
• The Disastrous Pairing of Disorder and Perfectionism
• Excel with Discipline
• Is Your Home a Work of Art?

Have a great day. Let's focus!