The Broken Day

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I last blogged about homeschooling, which is a lifestyle my husband and I are committed to. Some days are the picture of perfect, happy family life and learning--the cozy kind one might imagine when they picture how homeschool goes in some people's homes (particularly those who blog about it).

But some days are not beautiful at all. Some days we're just stumbling through, grateful for grace and mercy, that the day will end and there will be a new (hopefully better) one tomorrow.

A few weeks ago, my husband was out of town for the week. The. entire. week. I was here with four small children. Three energetic young boys, 7, 5, 3. A teething (four molars) toddler that cried and clung to my leg most days. Most fun I've had in a long time.

Here's part of a raw journal entry (names have been removed):

"[Child] is going through an awful attitude phase, snapping at me over just about everything...
[Child] was rudely complaining about how the letters looked in his Italic handwriting book. I asked him to make just one letter a to try it the italic way, and he just snapped. I walked away teary-eyed...

Here's the list of things the boys broke or otherwise damaged today--
1) Broke the orchid pot. [Child] climbed on the counter [rule violation] to get the bungee cords they've been hooking to their belt loops to go bungee-jumping off the railing outside. They already tore their pants once, so that's off-limits, yet they did it again, and I took them away and put them up high.
2) [Child] threw something at [other child] and hit him in the head hard.
3) [Child] threw something at the lightbulb in his bedroom during quiet time  and broke it.
4) Apparently, [child] threw something at my Ansel Adams picture from Justin [my husband] and it broke the glass.
5) [Child] took everything out of the alcove upstairs to see what it looked like empty [we have a storage area going up our stairs]. I couldn't even get out of the hallway of our room to the stairs. He put some stuff back and was supposed to be putting more stuff back, but was actually taking it out again. A big tub of baby clothes fell and the clothes tumbled out, all over the stairs below.
6) [Child] punched [child] in the eye, which gave him a blood blister, then proceeded to scratch him several times. This made him look like he ran into a barbed wire fence (as someone commented later...at church).
7) Not to mention all the food crumbs, water spills, other fights during the day
8) [Child] woke [grumpy, teething baby] from morning nap so she only slept a half hour. Then she cried and clung to my leg all morning.
What a day. Taking a shower and going to bed."
---
So this was a bad day. I wondered why I choose to keep my kids home with me day after day after day. I was looking up the number for the school district to inquire into where they had enrollments for kindergarten and second grade. Yet, I knew this lifestyle--even on its worst days--was something we were committed to. So I didn't make the call.

We're a family. We're learning to live together and love each other, through thick and thin. The bad days test our resolve, and dare I say, our love for one another. On the bad days, we go to bed, grateful the day is over, and pray for a more hopeful day to come.

And then we receive the answer to our prayers. A good day comes. We learn side by side and have great discussions about things that matter, and we're so thankful we're doing this, that our children are home with us for these talks, for these moments.

If you had a bad day, a better one's coming. It's like the waves on the sea. Bad days, good days, they all roll together to form our story, our homeschooling experience. I'm grateful for what the bad days show us and they ways they help us grow; I'm more thankful, though, for the good days!

Sharing with:
Women Living Well
Raising Homemakers
The Better Mom
Heavenly Homemakers

 

What Do We Want Them to Remember?

A few weeks ago, a dear friend of mine who lived across the street growing up and is now a mother of four (soon-to-be five) suffered a stroke. People all over the world have been praying for her, and those prayers are powerfully working! She was moved out of ICU, into rehab, and is now home, where she is working to regain full mobility. Please keep her (Amanda) and her young family in your prayers.

Her stroke happened at night, while she and husband were talking before bed.

I wondered if something like that should happen to me, where there was no guarantee I would ever be the same again, what would I want my children and my husband to remember of me? How would I have spent the last day as me, as I am now?

Would I want the kids to remember that, while they were outside playing, Mom was in the house, doing chores and (gasp) spending time on the computer? That perhaps many of my interactions with them involved scolding and impatience?

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Or would I want them to remember that, even though dishes and laundry had to be washed, dried, and put away, Mom kept a playful, light-hearted spirit? That, whenever possible and practical, they were involved in the work and made to feel special and valuable for being such great helpers? And that we had plenty of fun times together, too?

Sure, work has to be done to keep our families functioning smoothly. But I want to be sure I'm taking time to hit the bull's eye of their heart with a special connection each day. That's what I would want them to remember if tomorrow I should not be quite the same as today. May I commit to live tomorrow as I would want to have lived today.

Sharing with:
Women Living Well
Raising Homemakers

From The Looney Comes The Deep

It's been quiet here on the blog for a bit; quiet on the computer, but full of life at home, as I think it should be for this season of raising littles. But more on that in a future post! 

***

Monday, after dropping off our mini-van at the body shop for some repair work due to a parking lot dent that no one claimed responsibility for, we fit four car seats in a tan courtesy-rental Ford Taurus (which one son calls the "Ford Tortoise," and another nicknamed the "Tan-tan-tangerina") and stopped quickly at the grocery store on the way home. As any mom knows, a "quick" trip with kids, just to get a few things for dinner, is really never quick. (One of my friends has a seven-minute guideline that I think is great: if you're taking your crew in a store, she aims to be in and out in seven minutes).

One of the first displays was the fireworks--which aren't really fireworks in our county, but rather, popping things that release tons of tiny bits of paper. Tried it once. Never again. Yet, my sons yearned for them throughout the store. It went something like this,

"Mom, please? I'll use my own money. I'll pay you back at home."
"No."
"Please, Mom?"
"No."
"Mom, I promise I'll do all my chores for a whole week. Could I get them, then?"
"No."
"Mom, I promise I'll pick up all the paper that comes out. Can I please get them?"
"No, put them back."
"Do you think Dad would get them for me?"
"No."

Finally, the "fire"-works were put back. Except one son opened a package and tried to stuff two poppers down his pants. He was caught (by his brother, who told me), corrected, and apologized to an assistant store manager.

As I was fielding fireworks questions, one son said, "Mom, I have to go poo-". (I am trying to train them to simply announce that they need to use the bathroom--not announce what they need to do in it!). Off to the family restroom we went, where I waited outside the door with the baby asleep in her carseat in the cart, and where one son kept running over to drool at the fireworks display.

"Are you done yet?"
"Nope." (Repeat several times).
 "Mom, I'm done!"

 Helped him, washed hands, and off we went...or so I thought.

Another son exclaimed, "Mom, I have to go poo- too!" Repeat same scenario.

Made it out of the store without much further fanfare.

That evening, after the kids were in bed and my husband was home, I headed to another store. In the check-out lane, a woman in her sixties, I'd say, wearing a long, gray wool coat (even though it was in the 90s outside) and best fitting the description of the witch in Looney Tunes but minus the green face and pointy nose, came right up to me, got a foot from my face, pointed her finger at me and said,
"If you're related to Fred and Jerry, you tell them..."
"Mam," I interrupted, "I have no idea who you're talking about. I don't know those people."
Unfazed, she continued in a worked-up voice,
"You tell them they're exiled! Exiled! You all need to get the [expletive] out of town--every last one of you. I don't want anything to do with anyone of you." (and on and on she went, while I politely reasserted she had the wrong person and then began to tune her out).

As she decided maybe I didn't know Fred or Jerry after all and started to walk back to her check-out lane, she turned, and very loudly for all the other customers to hear, shouted, "Well, your NOSE JOB looks real good, by the way."

I just started laughing and said, "I've never had plastic surgery in my life. This is the same nose I was born with, thanks!"

What an event... The cashier next to my lane was quite upset about the ordeal and wanted to reassure me that Albertson's protects its customers. She walked me out to my vehicle. I called the manager to talk to him the next day about it, because if a customer is that unstable, who knows what she might do to someone else?

At home, after unloading groceries, I pondered through what all had happened. It was somewhat unsettling. And who were Fred and Jerry, and why was she so upset at them? Was she schizophrenic, and they were imaginary? Was she under the influence of something? Were they real people who had hurt her terribly?
I don't know.

But I did know that, however uncomfortable I felt, she went home and probably felt worse. It seems like she battles some real problems. Big problems. I wondered why her path crossed mine and why she unloaded on me like that.

Then it hit me--

Could it be I was supposed to pray for her? Could it be I was the only one in this crazy circle of Fred and Jerry (and whoever else was exiled?) that would actually care about her spiritual condition and pray for her?

So often, whether it's training our children and correcting them as they do wrong, or meeting messed-up people, rather than feeling wronged by them, what if we took them to the throne of grace, instead? It's there we all find mercy and receive grace to help in our time of need.

Sharing with:
Raising Homemakers
Women Living Well

Sugar Ants & Pesky Habits

Sugar ants (technically pavement ants), which are tiny--only about a millimeter in length--decided to check out what kind of yummy morsels they could find on my kitchen counters. The only problem--they're not welcome in my house. Try telling them that.

When I discovered them, I sprayed them with 409 and wiped them away. The rascals (well, new ones) came back. Repeat spray-and-wipe procedure. They repeated their return. My husband put an ant trap on the counter. That helped a little, but more showed up later. This was all starting to really gross me out.

Fast-forward to the next day, lunch-time.

The scene: making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for my kids.
The drama: I thought the counter was clean enough, so I laid the bread right on the counter without a cutting board, and began to spread the peanut butter, then the jelly, on the sandwiches. I put the sandwiches on paper plates and discovered a few tiny little ants crawling on the sandwiches. Yuck, yuck, yuck. Checked the knife I used for the peanut butter. They were on it. Checked the peanut butter. They were in it. More yuck. Threw the peanut butter away.

Decided to investigate where these ants were coming from, and where else they were in my kitchen. Looked in our main food cabinet. Yep. They were not only on the shelves, they were climbing vertically up the sides of the cabinet to reach other shelves. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

At this point, I had a royal freak-out. I started throwing things out of the cabinets, spraying the shelves down, and trying to figure out where the ants were getting in at. (Sometimes spring cleaning is more out of necessity than desire).

I went over to the computer to search for ways to eliminate sugar ants once and for all. Found some helpful tips, but this information only added to my anxiety. Here's how you wipe out and control a sugar ant invasion:

• Keep your counter tops immaculate. Spray with bleach water, or vinegar water after every meal or snack.
• Sweep and mop your floor with either bleach or vinegar water after every meal.
• Apparently, the ants will follow pheromone trails, so the bleach or vinegar will destroy their scent trails.

 Easy advice for a naturally neat person to follow, but for me?

What so overwhelmed me about this was:
1) my kitchen counters are nowhere near immaculate. Getting them spotless in the next fifteen minutes (which was the urgency I felt) caused me to panic, along with questions of how would I ever keep them spotless if I succeeded in getting them spotless in the first place?
2) Mop your floor after every meal? I am lucky if I can mop once a week.

Right then, it felt like all the issues that have been causing some tension for some time (the kids leaving toys on the floor—which I needed to mop NOW, not confining their eating only to the table, etc.) exploded. I had a major rant-and-rave session, which included comments, like, “You all need to help more with chores”, “There is too much for me to do by myself!”, “We have way too many toys!”, “I’m sick of always picking up your toys. I’m just going to start throwing them away” and on and on. At one point, my son said, “Oh no. This is just getting way too serious. We’re still only kids, Mom.” Hilarious!

I realized then, as I have realized in times before, than I fall back on a pattern I was raised with of trying to spur my children to action through using guilt and shame. It’s terrible, I know, but like any bad habit that rears its ugly head, it can be hard to break.

Ironically, while mopping the floor, a Christian radio broadcast was discussing the topic of anger. How do you handle it when it’s gotten out of control and is hurting your family? One woman called in to say that she learned to recognize her triggers and then take appropriate actions to address her stress without losing her composure.

I realized then that the sugar ants were a metaphor for my own spiritual condition. My struggle is how I react when stressed to the max. But for someone else, it may be a different problem. Am I going to keep spraying and wiping the ants I see on the counter each day, or am I going to take the necessary (although difficult) steps to defeat the problem for good?

We can keep spraying and keep wiping (dealing only with the surface problem), but if we don’t target the source, the ants will keep coming back. Sometimes, we’re forced to deal with our “ants.”  The pesticide for eliminating the “ants” we struggle with is repentance, prayer, and walking in the Spirit.

We cannot change any bad habit or sinful pattern of behavior without first recognizing that it is a problem and then confessing our shortcomings and need for help to our Maker and Savior. We pray, as King David prayed in Psalm 51:

"Have mercy on me, O God,
    according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
    blot out my transgressions.
² Wash away all my iniquity
    and cleanse me from my sin.

³ For I know my transgressions,
    and my sin is always before me.
⁴ Against you, you only, have I sinned
    and done what is evil in your sight…

⁷ Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
    wash me, and I will be whiter than snow…

¹⁰ Create in me a pure heart, O God,
    and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 

¹¹ Do not cast me from your presence

    or take your Holy Spirit from me.
¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation
    and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

¹⁷ My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;
    a broken and contrite heart
    you, God, will not despise.”

Once we’ve prayed, we walk in the Spirit. Christ’s presence with us will give us everything we need to overcome our sinful temptations and falling back into old patterns of behavior. We need to turn our minds to Him and ask for His mercy and grace.

(By the way, the counters managed to stay pretty clean for a few days—I wouldn’t say spotless, but close! And the ants are not coming back to the same places. I’m still struggling with maintaining the high level of cleanliness required to keep them at bay--it takes a lot of discipline, which can be difficult, especially with a sick baby who wants to be held all the time--but I’m growing. I’m growing spiritually, too. I'm grateful that God cares enough about me that He wants me to grow to become more like Him, and He'll help me do it--and you, too!)

Sharing with:
We are That Family (Works for Me Wednesday)

Women Living Well
Heavenly Homemakers (Gratituedsay) 
The Better Mom
Raising Arrows

Raising Homemakers

Lord, Where are My Keys?

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Ten o’clock Sunday morning, and we were ready to head out the door. We were on schedule to arrive 15 minutes early to church—unusual for us, on its own, and even more unusual considering I had singlehandedly gotten four children and myself ready for church. Not just “average-day” ready but looking nice! 

My husband was playing guitar on the praise team for the first time at our church, and I was looking forward to hearing him play.

“Let’s go,” I announced.  “Where are the keys? Who took the keys?”

No answer. Repeated a little more loudly and frantically this time, and the next, and the next… Finally, the culprit confessed (or his brothers confessed for him).

“Where did you go with the keys?” I asked, with increasing inflation in my voice (obviously not as calmly as I would have liked, if I could do it over).

“Outside, in the garage, and downstairs,” he responded.

Lots of ground to cover there.

Out I went to search, while urging the troops to come search with me. I wish I could say I acted like a loving coach motivating them to action, but it was more like a stressed-out mom on a rant about why we have rules that kids do not take keys, why we don’t lose keys, how we won’t be going anywhere until we find the keys, how we’ll probably be missing church and hearing Dad play guitar, and how we spent all that time getting ready and it was all a waste, since someone decided to run off with the keys and lose them.

We looked through the garage. Under and over things and in the minivan. We searched outside, around the house, the patio furniture, in the grass, in the window wells for the basement, and around again (I think I even checked in the mailbox). We searched downstairs. I searched the main floor and upstairs for good measure. No luck anywhere.

We spent the better part of 45 minutes looking. (The “better part” is an interesting phrase, since no part of those 45 minutes were in no way “better” than how I could otherwise be spending them.) I encouraged my son to pray and ask Jesus to help us find the keys. Crying, he said, “I did pray, but He’s not helping me, because I can’t…[out-of-control crying] find…the…keeeeyyyyyys [more out-of-control crying].”

My son was crying so hard that he summoned the attention of a neighbor, who came out to look at why this boy was wailing uncontrollably. Partly it was because he felt sad for losing the keys, but mainly it was because his sensitive spirit couldn’t stand that his mom was upset at what he thought was him, but was really the situation (good luck explaining that to a five-year old).

Finally, I gave up and sent everyone to their room. “If we aren’t going to church,” I said, “you aren’t playing” (in case it was a con to get out of going).

I went outside to read my Bible, reflect, and pray.

Here’s what I was thinking about: 

• Just because I wasn’t spending those hours in church on Sunday morning didn’t mean I couldn’t worship God
• When you don’t get to use your time the way you thought you were going to use your time, how do you respond?
• What was God trying to show me through this?
• If I was upset that we were dressed up and looking nice but with nowhere to go (and no way to get there), is this not pride?
• If I was upset that I had spent my time getting everyone ready, which seemed to be a waste of time, was this not a trivial thing to stew about?

I’m glad that even in my frustration and anger, God gave me the grace to hold my tongue. I wanted to go into a tirade about why they are never, ever to take my keys. The accusation--“because you’re not responsible”--was wanting to leave my lips. But God’s mercy and grace helped me to picture what that would do to my child’s spirit. I remember what it felt like to receive stinging comments as a child.  Luckily, I refrained.

The Lord brought to mind the parable of the woman who searches her house for her lost silver coin. It’s in Luke chapter 15, along with a parable of the shepherd who loses one sheep out of a 100 and searches for it, as well as the parable of the prodigal son.

My sons came up from their time-out, and I read them these parables. We discussed how, even though we had lost our keys, it is more important that our souls are not “lost”, that we find Jesus, and help others find Him, too, and that even someday, if we get “lost” from Him, that we—like the prodigal son—find our way back.

Right at that very moment, my son exclaimed, “Mom! The keys!”

They were sitting on top of the barbecue grill right next to me. I can’t tell you how many times I had looked on and around the grill. It was as though the Lord had blinded my eyes to the keys the whole morning, up until that moment.

Why? I don’t know. Perhaps there would have been an accident on the way to church. Perhaps there was a lesson I needed to learn. Perhaps it was a lesson one of my children needed to learn. Perhaps the story is something someone needs to be encouraged by. I don’t know.

I just know it was ok with God that we weren’t in church that Sunday morning, because He kept us home.

Sharing with:
Women Living Well  
Raising Homemakers
Heavenly Homemakers

The Big Meltdown

“Cook for two minutes, turn over, and microwave for two minutes more,” read the instructions on the bag of chicken tenders. Easy enough. A multi-tasking mom, I ran to the bathroom while the chicken was warming in the microwave and came back to a kitchen filling with smoke. Looking around, I didn't see anything on fire. Was there an electrical fire behind the wall that I couldn't see? Then I remembered the chicken in the microwave.

I found charred chicken tenders and a plastic plate with a hole completely melted through. All in two minutes. Impressive, even for our out-dated '90's microwave.

Then it hit me: this was the perfect picture of my day. I was just a few minutes away from my own meltdown, but, unlike the microwave, in my attempt to be a better mom, I was fighting hard against it...

Continue reading at The Better Mom, where I am guest posting today on "The Big Meltdown."

Growing in Patience

Update: Jessica, congratulations! You won the drawing for the 100 Days of Blessing devotional book. Please email me your address (cheryl@momsinneedofmercy.com), and I will order that for you.
 
This weekend, we celebrated Easter. The Resurrection offers tremendous joy and hope for believers in Christ, as we know: 1) Christ is who He says He is--the Son of God, 2) what He said is true, and 3) He overcame sin and death and gives us the power to do the same. We know we will live forever with Christ and loved ones in a beautiful place after this life is over.

The Resurrection also provides hope and joy for us as mothers.

"Do you need more of God's power in your life? Do you need more of His power to help you mother each day? I have wonderful news for you. As you allow Him, God's power is working in you mightily. Not ordinary power, but the dunamis power of God, the power of God which releases miracles. It is the dunamis power of God which was poured out upon the disciples when they received the Holy Spirit to take the Gospel to the uttermost part of the earth. This is where we get the word dynamite--explosive power!...

Do you have trouble being patient? Are you plagued with anger? You do not have to be defeated any longer. Jesus died on the cross to give you the victory. Jesus Christ, the Son of God, did not die in vain. He died to not only save you from your sin, but to deliver you from your 'self' nature and to change you into the image of His Son. His dunamis power is working in you mightily to reveal God's nature and character in you and through you--to your husband, your children and to the people you associate with in your life.

Let Him work in you mightily. Jesus' blood has been shed to give you a new life. You can have patience because Christ lives in you and He is patient! You can have long-suffering, because Christ in you is longsuffering. He does not fly off the handle! He does not scream and shout! He has long patience and forbearance. And His wonderful life is living in you!...

Not only is Christ living His patient and longsuffering nature in you, but He enables you to do it with joy and thankfulness. Christ in you is joy. In the flesh, you live in defeat, but in Christ, you can bear your burdens with joy. You can put up with those who would naturally drive you mad. You can be patient with your children. You can endure as the power of God works in you mightily!"--Nancy Campbell, 100 Days of Blessing: Devotions for Wives and Mothers

Here are some of my favorite posts that share some practical ideas for growing in patience:
(I realize there are several here. I encourage you to read through them this week as you have extra time. I hope they will bless you.) 

• Change "Clothes" Several Times a Day (Getting Out of Bad Moods)
• Schedules and Sin (confronting the misdeeds and sometimes ugly attitudes of our kids)
• On Being Pleasant
• The Noodles of Wrath (lessons from mischievious acts)
• If Momma Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy (how to "snap out of it")
• Fighting Discouragement
• Motherhood: It's Stressful Sometimes (but what legacy do we want to leave?)
• Take a Hike (enjoying your family)
• Staying Calm (practical strategies when you feel like you're going to lose it)
• The Good, the Bad, the Ugly (and God's grace in motherhood)
• The Grouchy Ladybug
• A Day With No Sin
• Conquering Anger with Kindness and Goodness
• Leave it Outside 
• The Topic of "Me" Time

Because I have been so blessed by Nancy Campbell's devotional book, I would like you to be encouraged by it, too. As an Easter gift, I will order a copy for one of my readers. Please leave a comment on this post if you would like to be entered. The winner will be posted next Monday.

Sharing with:
Raising Homemakers
Women Living Well

Filling in The Gaps: What Really Happens in Other People's Homes

I've written before that it can be so easy to feel like magic and wonder happens nonstop in our friend's houses, or others whom we admire, while life at our own home can be so lackadaisical. We imagine (or hear about) happy picnics, creative crafts, and loving interactions; meanwhile, we're buried in laundry, dishes, and undone chores, while our children squabble with each other, whine, complain, and fail to respond cheerfully, quickly, and obediently at times (many times). Reading whimsical status updates on Facebook or inspiring blog posts only serves to makes us feel more discouraged about real life in our very real home.

For example, awhile back, I read about a good friend's homeschool day. Her sons reenacted Jamestown by building forts out of Lincoln Logs (my boys just throw Lincoln Logs every which way and have yet to build any kind of structure). She shared that her sons went outside to "build wattle and daub [mud] walls just as the colonists did for their homes and buildings inside the fort." They "drove stakes (small sticks) into the ground, intertwined vines...in between the stakes and formed mud around the structure to dry and harden."

Doesn't that sound highly creative and tremendously impressive? The sting of comparison began; I wished we could have a day like that, where the boys were that creative with their play and got along well enough and long enough to work together on projects like that.

And yet...

My friend was honest enough to "fill in the gaps." With her permission, I'll share what really happened (from her post):

"Today was honestly a very frustrating day...I felt that nothing was getting done to the level that I had expected it to. My plan for sitting and reading turned into a disaster as books were falling off the couch, Hannah was all over, drooling over everything and screeching. Austen kept zoning out, Moriah was being a complete 'Ramona' and Jay was fine.

When we were outside building our walls, Austen kept asking me over and over if there were ants outside, and if they were going to climb up their wall (to see my son's opinion of ants see this post nature walk turns deadly.) Then, when the boys went upstairs they kept coming down over and over because "so-and-so was not helping, they weren't sure how to do it....". I had imagined them upstairs for hours playing and creating this fort. Darn you expectations. THEN, our Lincoln Logs kept falling over, Hannah again, crept upstairs and tried to be the jolly green giant and overtake the poor Indians and Colonists. Then, after it was all over, Moriah destroyed the entire fort. The icing on the cake.

To say that I felt quite defeated today was for sure. It was just a frustrating day. I want every day to move seamless and smooth and that is an unrealistic expectation, I want Moriah to be a "big helper" everyday and that is unrealistic. Finally, tonight, the kids were told to go upstairs to brush teeth.....we hear run, laugh, run, laugh, scream.....run upstairs and Austen caught a corner with his forehead, huge bump, huge gash that by God's grace did not break open and averting a trip to the Urgent Care and huge screams. Ok, breathe, God give me grace right now because more than anything I feel angry for their disobedience. Needless to say, I am thankful they are in bed...

Anyone else ever have days like mine? More than anything I want to down an iced mocha with whip....more than anything....but since we have no coffee and I am too tired to go out , I"ll settle for crackers and iced water instead. Here's to a new day tomorrow."

 ---

What I love about Amanda's post is--it's real. And it made me feel better about my own situation. (Ha ha). I love the crackers and ice water part, too. It's just real life.

We can live our lives comparing ourselves to a standard that doesn't exist, because we are all imperfect people. Or we can embrace the days that we have been given and live them out fully, to the best of our ability. With heaping spoonfuls of God's grace, we can aim to make magic within our own walls. But when we hit reality, as everyone does (even though you won't hear about it on Facebook), know that you're not the only one. Most people simply fail to fill in the gaps.


(P.S. I really recommend Amanda's blog, Spilled Milk and Wet Kisses. Especially for homeschool moms, I think it will inspire and encourage you, as it points you closer to the Lord. Take a look around; you'll be glad you did)

Sharing with:
Raising Homemakers
Women Living Well
Works for Me Wednesday

I Didn't Plan for Chaos

copyright Moms In Need of Mercy

Today was just a day. I didn't plan for it to be the way it was. But then again, I didn't really plan for success, either. Going to bed with nothing more than a vague plan for the coming day allowed a whole lot of chaos to enter in. Just the general structure of: "I'll get up, make some breakfast, throw in a load of laundry, start homeschool stuff, and maybe run some errands" just left way too much free time for everything to fall apart. And it did.

Although I have a homeschool routine down for my oldest son (he's six; it doesn't take that long), I didn't really have any structured activities for my other two boys, 3 and almost 5. So they made up their own. Really creative play with manipulatives, like dumping out our small crock that sits on the kitchen counter and holds spare change, keys, and other random items. Now this was all over the kitchen floor. Since baby sister is starting to crawl, and since I would like to avoid another coin-swallowing event, we had to get the change off the floor.

Today's obedience department was closed. But the disobedience section was full of customers. The sole clerk (Mom) grew tired meeting the back-to-back demand for attention and correction.

Really, it's the phone's fault. It rang way too much today. Despite my requests to please let the answering machine get it, sometimes, one of the boys just allowed his desire to be friendly to outweigh his desire to obey Mom--although today, I'm not sure there even was a desire to obey Mom...

So I'd get on the phone, and the boys would get into the cereal--even though they had just eaten lunch. I'd get off the phone, clean up more food messes, and the phone would ring again. And the boys would do their own thing while I was on the phone, which wasn't necessarily a good thing, and usually incurred fighting, whereby one boy would start crying and trying to talk to me while I was still trying to talk to someone else on the other end of the phone. (This is a good way to get off the phone, though, if you're looking for an excuse to cut a call short...)

Nearing the end of the day, we decided to take a walk. Which would have been fine, except for the fact that when we reached the nearby playground, one son came running up to me and announced, "I have to poop!" Yet, off he went to play for a few more seconds, until he would run up to me again and make the same announcement, and then go play again. This happened several times. It was time to go, but no one would go (for reasons above), even though one really had to go.

Finally, everyone decided to obey and home we went. Just a little way from the house, one of the boys decided to top it all off by taking a mud bath. He wasn't trying to. He was only trying to copy his brothers who were climbing snow drifts piled up in our high school's parking lot. He climbed, then climbed down...into mud, and got stuck. As in quick-sand stuck. Me, wearing my new white Marmot parka my husband got me for Christmas, wanted no part of the rescue. But he was totally stuck. So I reached out to him from the curb, and told him he was absolutely not to touch my coat (he obeyed on this one), and I grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the mud. Somewhere in the rescue, he face-planted. But the coat made it out unscathed.

What all this taught me today is that by not more clearly planning for success, I did in fact, plan for chaos.

My next post will address planning for a successful day. I just have to plan one.

(If you like this post, can I humbly ask you to take a second to vote for it here?)
(linked to Raising Homemakers)
Part 2: Planning for a Good Day

Change Clothes Several Times a Day

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When you feel a bad mood coming on, you don't have to give in to it. It's as simple as changing clothes.

In her devotional book for mothers, Nancy Campbell writes about "putting on the new man" as Ephesians 4:22-24 describes.

"...Put off your old self...to be made new in the attitude of your minds; ...put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."

We receive a whole new wardrobe once we become believers in Christ! What kind of clothes do we have in our made-over closet? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self control (Galatians 5:22).

If you feel like your day is getting a little too chaotic and you can sense you're close to losing your cool and raising your voice, run into your closet and change clothes. Take off the impatience and stress. Find the peace and patience and put it on instead.

Your toddler has done something really upsetting. You're very frustrated. You're wearing your old shirt of harshness. Stop and change into gentleness with some self-control as an important accessory.

Perhaps you have a teenager who's being real testy. Don't meet the attitude wearing your snide shirt with your cool skirt. Try an outfit of love and faithfulness instead. Maybe your change of clothes will cause your child to change clothes eventually, too.

No matter what emotion you feel in your old self, there's a makeover waiting to happen. You just have to put it on. You can change clothes multiple times a day, and the best part is--in this system, there's no laundry to do!

(Sharing with Finding Heaven, Graceful, and Raising Homemakers)

Living in Your Anointing

It's late. I'm tired. I was not even going to blog. If I did, I was going to write a post and call it "I Can't Think Straight." I was going to share with you why I felt like a ping-pong ball all day today.

But I couldn't think of anything encouraging to say, so I wasn't even going to write. I was just going to do a little reading for our Bible study tomorrow morning (I wrote here why I haven't always gone in the past), leave the clean dishes in the sink to dry, forget about the three sprawling laundry baskets full of clothes to put away, forget about the three to four loads that still need to be washed, forget about the messes that abound everywhere I look, forget about the stuff that still needs to be cleared off the table...forget about it until 7AM when I see it again, and go to bed.

But then I did my Bible study, and amazingly, it spoke to everything I'm feeling today. Now I have something encouraging to say, so I'll do my best to say it.

--- 

Today was just one of those days that I'm sure we all experience more often that not as moms. Days when multiple demands from multiple children are flying at us, leaving us whiplashed. The chaos overwhelms us, and we feel like we just can't think straight.

Yesterday was busy and I didn't take the time to plan for the week ahead that I normally do. That was my first and biggest mistake, truly. With no semblance of a plan, the day was a messy, gooey blob.

If I got a spare second, the phone rang. My kids are going through a phase where they love to answer the phone and hate for the answering machine to get it, because it's just so much fun to say hello to the voice on the other end, and they don't understand it's inconvenient for Mom to talk to the voice on the other end right then. So I'd politely get off the phone, get started with something, then the phone would ring again. Today, some of the calls were actually dealing with big stuff, like a neighbor telling me the latest on the school district's plans to purchase our homes, and some family stuff.

I'd get off the phone, head reeling, look at the wake of things my children had done while on the phone. My head would reel again. The baby would cry (when will those teeth break through finally?), one child would ask me something, another child would simultaneously ask me something, and another child would ask me something before I could answer any of the questions. As I sat down to read with our oldest, the youngest wanted a snack, the baby needed a nap, and on and on. A ping pong ball.

I kept reminding myself that it's not their fault I feel this way. Individually, they are each a pretty sweet child (usually). Collectively, it just gets a little (or a lot) chaotic sometimes.

After all the kids were in bed, I sat down to start on my Bible study, and this is what I read:

"Being directed, comforted, and empowered by His Spirit within us is the only sure way to live with supernatural success when we encounter natural events that seek to derail us. We must be annointed."--Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed: A Study of David

I've been planning to blog on being anointed for motherhood...just haven't had the time or the full inspiration until now. Priscilla Shirer defines anointing as a "divine empowerment or a divine enablement to accomplish God's purposes for your life." Although in the Old Testament days, anointing priests, prophets and kings was usually accompanied with oil, as believers in Christ, we are "anointed with the indwelling [Holy] Spirit's presence from the day of our salvation." (Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed: A Study of David). (Scriptural support: 2 Corinthians 1:21-22).

I love what Priscilla Shirer writes in the study:

"The anointing on [King] David's life was essential to accomplish God's purposes, and we must have it to accomplish His plans for us. Without it, everything we do will only be a shell of activity that will leave us breathless from a series of frustrated efforts, amounting to little. With God's anointing, we can face life's circumstances with courage, joy, and inner peace." (bold mine).

Here are some other fabulous quotes from the study:

• "David accomplished supernatural kingdom purposes because God's Spirit equipped him for the tasks...As believers, God calls us to accomplish divine tasks for His glory. We must have the anointing of God's Spirit."
• As believers in Christ, "the Spirit lives in us, and we are sealed and anointed by Him to accomplish God's preplanned purposes. So, if you are a believer, you are anointed--right now. Your task is to rely on the power of God who indwells you so you can be empowered to do what you cannot do on your own." (bold mine).
• "The anointed life engages daily and normal activities in a supernatural way. When you have patience in your mothering...gentleness in your response, contentment in your circumstances, and empowerment in the face of your challenges, you are experiencing the greatest miracle of all. God's presence appearing in your life."

So even on the days when it seems like nothing great was accomplished as you bounced around from task to task and child to child, remember that if you are daily seeking to model what a relationship with Christ looks like in the real world, you are doing the most important and eternally significant work...even if the laundry, dishes, papers and clutter are waiting for you in the morning.

We are empowered by God to do everything we need to do for our families. We may not live in monasteries. Maybe we live in messes! Faithful service, with a kind heart, of the daily tasks we have before us is what helps us grow in holiness.

Step into the anointing and walk in it!

(Sharing with Finding Heaven, Gratituesday, Graceful, and Raising Homemakers)

The Power of Encouragement

With small children, especially, there is so much for them to become discouraged about. They are trying to learn new things, and they often don't succeed on the first (or even the second, or third, or fifth) attempt. They frequently receive correction for childish behavior or self-centered attitudes. All of this can leave them feeling down.

That's where encouragement steps in. It is a powerful force in anyone's life. All things begin to brighten under the refreshment encouragement provides.

In Nancy Campbell's book, How to Encourage Your Children, she suggests writing the name of each one of our family members across the top of a journal page with columns below their names. Each day, aim to say at least one encouraging thing to each person. If you did, put a check by that person's name. Make it your goal for this to become second-nature.

Here's an example. Yesterday, I encouraged my son, who is learning to read. He doesn't always like it, because he thinks it's too hard sometimes. We sat curled up on the couch together, with the afternoon sun streaming through our front windows in such a pretty way. It was a special memory. While I was making dinner, I told him how I really enjoyed sitting with him in that pretty light and listening to him read. I encouraged him that he's getting better and better at it, and I am proud of him for doing hard things and not giving up. He just beamed.

I think it's important to not only praise the good things our children do, but also (and more importantly) to praise who they're becoming. When we see our children helping each other or saying kind and complimentary things to one another, lavish the praise! It will happen more and more.

As I wrote yesterday, Michelle Duggar--supermom of 19 that she is--is so big on the power of encouragement. If there's a secret weapon in a mom's arsenal to bring about good behavior and positive attitudes, she'd know, mainly through experience. I think that secret weapon is encouragement. Plus, as we look for and point out the good in our children, it helps our attitudes toward them as well--making for a happier family all around.

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." (1 Thess. 5:11)

Embracing The Season

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Like all of life, motherhood is made up of countless seasons that follow each other with change, just as in nature. There's the adjusting-to-life-with-your-first-baby season. Remember that one? What an adjustment it was! Then, after the seasons of smiling and crawling, walking, and talking, there was perhaps the season of adjusting to life with two.  And more seasons followed.

The season I'm in right now, with four kids six and under and homeschooling one, is not terribly productive in terms of accomplishing lots of noticeable work. Dishes are always piled in the sink. I can get them done, but then a new batch comes in, and you'd never notice--unless you had an inventory list--that I really had washed, dried, and put away a previous batch. The laundry is getting washed, but being put away? Full laundry baskets all over my house testify that the clothes aren't making into the drawers and closets.  Many days, my nearly three-year old is still in his jammies at 10 o'clock in the morning (and sometimes his older brother, too). Much to my chagrin, PBS cartoons educate the kids first thing in the morning, while I nurse my newborn upstairs. (At least they're educational!)

I can either feel like a failure for all the things that aren't getting done each day, or I can embrace the season I'm in right now. With joy. See, I realized--after too many days of feeling depressed and beating myself up for how miserably I was falling behind--that this is just a season. This is what the season of being a stay-at-home mom, with four under six (including a newborn), and homeschooling looks like. Do I want to look back on it down the road, when I'm in a different season, and regret how I felt defeated and discouraged each day? How I just wanted to hurry up and get to a more productive season? Or, do I want to look back with no regrets--remembering instead, that even though it may have looked unproductive according to measurable standards, we had joy. We lived each day to its fullest. I didn't try to change the way it was. I changed me instead.

That's what I want. A transformed heart that recognizes I can't do it all. So the dishes and laundry can stack up during this season, just as long as I am cheerfully loving my husband and children and making memories that I can look back on and cherish--not regret.

How about you? What season do you find yourself in now? How can you find more joy in it?  What tips have you found to help you embrace it fully?

The "Eggs"periment

If the name-calling and fighting among your children has you fried, crack some eggs for your kids at breakfast--but not in the traditional sense. A friend of mine told me about this idea.  She used it with her family, and I used it in mine. I think it's a great visual to dish out some teaching about the way we are to treat one another.

Lay out some newspapers, take out the eggs, and repeat the statements you've heard your children say to one another as you throw down an egg. They'll watch it crack in awe and wonder if Mom's cracked up, too.

Don't explain yet, just keep going. Did someone hit someone recently? Fire away with another egg. Any biting? Break another one. Pushing? Shoving? Name-calling? Egg away. (With the price of eggs rising, you may want to limit the number of wrongdoings you illustrate).

Once they eggs lie open and messy on the floor, you can begin to teach to this visual experiment. Explain that when the children call each other names (use the specific names they say), it's like cracking the egg of their relationship and that person's heart. It's messy. It's ugly. We can clean up the damage, but we can never put the egg back together again.

So it is with the things we do and say to each other. The relationship among siblings is like the egg. God created it whole, with a purpose to bless one another through help and encouragement. He did not design us to put cracks in our sibling relationships (or any relationships) daily. We are all created in the image of God. We are not to destroy one another with our words or deeds.

After the "eggs"periment, I read to the boys some verses out of the Bible that I wanted them to soak into their hearts. I used Romans 9:9-21, as I felt it was most pertinent to our situation right now. There are also many great verses on speech, which you could easily find by using the concordance at the back of your Bible.

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves...Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse...Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud...Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends...Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." (Romans 9:9-21).

We cleaned up the eggs and will continue to work on cleaning up our behavior.

I'd love to hear if you serve up (or throw down!) some eggs this week. As a final caution, watch what you're wearing. The eggs do tend to splatter.

(linking up with Works for Me Wednesday).

Raising Sons: We Have Their Childhood

Listening to this song while washing dishes, I flash-forwarded to a thought of dancing with my oldest son at his wedding. It made me teary. In that moment of giving my boy to his wife, all the silly, childish things he has done (and has yet to do) won't seem so terrible. In fact, they may even turn in to fond memories...things to laugh over--depending, that is, on how I handle the moment: will I crush his spirit with a sharp-tongued expression of my anger and frustration; or will I subdue my displeasure, resist the desire to sin in my own self, and teach his character?

See, the thing is, for our boys, we have their childhoods. Their wives have their futures. We are given each day in their most formative years to shape and guide who they become. We can do, as moms, what their wives cannot do. A wife cannot, or should not, mentor her husband into the character she hopes he displays day-to-day. Yet that is our mission as moms. A woman will someday choose our son as her husband largely due to the groundwork we have laid in forming his character.

Once grown, our sons may still make foolish choices that their wives have to deal with. But the poor decisions they make then will not be the same poor choices they make now. A 30-year old, for example, will not be getting in trouble for coloring on the walls, getting into Mom's makeup and perfume, splashing too much in the bathtub, being mean to his brother, putting a piece of paper in a candle flame...We get the childishness. Seen in the right perspective, we can use it to teach lessons that his future wife will reap.

So we are given these days. May we purposefully embrace our mission to love and train our children. May we remember, even on the bad days when childish behavior is at its worst, that we--unlike any other woman in our sons' lives--are given a chance to chisel these precious boys into godly men. May that vision drive us on.

(Sharing with Gratituesday at Heavenly Homemakers and Raising Homemakers)

Schedules and Sin

There's the saying that you can't control interruptions to your schedule. I would modify that to add: you can make the perfect schedule, but you can't control the sin. What I mean is, as a full-time mom with children at home, you're bound to encounter lots of sin during the day. Chalk it up to strong-willed children, disobedience, overtiredness, hunger, sibling rivalry and whatever else causes bumps along the way in the course of a day. While rough moments can indeed be chalked up to any and all of those issues, for the sake of keeping it short and sweet, I'll just call it sin.

It seems as though our sin, our children's sin, is more noticeable when we're trying to operate on a schedule. In the evening, we can create what looks like, on paper, to be the perfect schedule for the coming day. We imagine the day running smoothly, peacefully, joyfully.

And then our feet hit the floor in the morning. We're off and running, and so is the sin. Maybe it's the squabble over who sits where at breakfast that escalates to pinching, hitting, or biting. Maybe it's who-took-whose toy and won't give it back. Maybe it's the mean things one said to another. Maybe it's the failure to obey promptly. Perhaps it's all of those and more. We see the sin. It tangles up our perfectly planned schedule. It throws us off-course.

While we can't anticipate what kind of behavior our children (or others in our lives) will display during our "planned" day, we can control how we personally respond when confronted with the sometimes ugly realities of imperfect people. We can choose to stay in the Spirit, and remain patient and calm, lovingly guiding and directing our children and those who come our way. Or we can give in to the frustration and lose our cool completely. (Please don't think that just because I'm writing this, I epitomize the former).

How do we remain in the Spirit of Christ? By His divine grace, which we pray for. But also, the Bible says to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling (Phil. 2:12). There is a work on our part, aided by the Holy Spirit, "for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose." (Phil. 2:13). I reflected today on the fact that we are to resist sin. As moms, I think this means we are to resist giving into blowing our tops. Resist.

"Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood" [as Jesus did]. (Hebrews 12:4).

"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." (1 Peter 5:10, bold mine).

"And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience..." (Col. 1: 10-11, bold mine).

Here's to planning tomorrow's schedule (reminding myself that it will not be as pretty in real life as it looks on paper)! Praying for great endurance and patience, and the grace and strength to resist giving into sin.

Related post: A Day With No Sin

Grace for Days That Don't Go as Planned

I'm having one of those "mom's in need of mercy" weeks--you know, the ones where you feel like you're doing just about everything wrong when it comes to your kids. Too much nagging, too much scolding, too little laughter, too few smiles. I'm trying to see myself as they see me, and I wonder: do they feel like I'm just one grouchy mother? I don't intend for the days to be like this.

After a rather rough start to an "official" homeschooling day (which ended up being just a phonics and handwriting lesson) that did not come anywhere close to being the happy, fun, excited time of learning and togetherness I envisioned, I read this post by Elizabeth Foss. It said exactly what I felt.

Even if you don't homeschool, I encourage you to read it. It encourages all mothers with children at home.

May you be blessed as I was.

Read it here:

The First Day Never Goes As Planned

Ever had one of those days?

When It Rains, It Pours

So I was planning on posting a little on our labor story, since our little girl was born two weeks ago today. That's the happy news. But, just as I was feeling like things were starting to settle in a little bit, my husband all but cut off one of his fingers on Monday afternoon. The funny thing is (not that anything about that is funny), I was just thinking to myself how I didn't feel ready to take all four kids out anywhere altogether yet. I just didn't feel that brave.

And yet, with what happened, I got thrown in the fire, so to speak, with four kids in the emergency room (one throwing massive fits off and on); walking with four kids and crossing a busy street down to where our minivan was parked and back into ER again and then back out to the van again; restraining one of the kids, who was running into the street in front of two oncoming trucks to retrieve his bouncy ball (while holding the car seat in the other hand); hauling a car seat, my husband's bag, my heavy purse in from the parking garage up to the operating room waiting area and taking everything back out again.

I think, if I could, I would crawl in my bed and hibernate for three days.

But I can't.

I have, however, lost 20 pounds in two weeks. I suppose that's looking on the bright side. :)

So I am just another mom in need of lots and lots of God's mercy.

Some random thoughts through this time:

• It's only money. God owns it all anyway. I just need to keep trusting in Him to provide for all of our needs at this point, especially since all the bills seem a bit overwhelming right now. But if they were manageable on our own, we wouldn't rely on the Lord as much as we would otherwise. So I suppose it's better this way. Builds trust in the character of God. Plus, as one of my friends encouraged me, just say, "Here's another bill for you, God." He'll get it paid.
• I love this verse: "I have no need of a bull from your stall or of goats from your pens, for every animal of the forest is mine, and the cattle on a thousand hills...Sacrifice thank offerings to God, fulfill your vows to the Most High, and call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.” (Psalm 50:9-10, 14,15).
• (Something I forgot to say in the original post) I am so thankful for good friends and a great church family. Friends have offered to help with the boys, a good friend watched the boys while my husband was in surgery, others have brought meals or offered to down the road. For all of this, I am grateful.
• I've heard Matthew West's song "Strong Enough" on the radio many times before. I thought it was pretty good. The other day, though, it totally met me where I was at. I'm excerpting the words and the story behind the song from his blog:

"You must, you must think I’m strong

To give me what I’m going through
Well, forgive me, forgive me if I’m wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own

The song goes on to explore where our true source of strength comes from. My favorite verse from the bible holds the answer, and I sing it in the bridge of this song. Phillipians 4:13 is a verse my dad taught me when I was a kid...The bridge of the song proclaims,

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don’t have to be strong enough
Strong enough

One of the reasons I chose this song to be the next single at radio is because of the response it has during our live show on the The Story of Your Life Tour. Every single night, when we get to the part and start singing, I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH, hands begin to go up in the air all across the audience. It is as if people one by one are facing their own impossible mountains and soaking up that much needed reminder that we were never made to be strong enough to make it through life’s adversity on our own. We were made to be carried by the strength of a savior. I hope and pray this song will encourage you when your day finds you facing an impossible mountain. May you be comforted by the reminder that you’re not strong enough, and thank God you don’t have to be."--Matthew West, Strong Enough (bold mine).

So my mother's here now. Maybe I'll have a few minutes to blog. I do want to share our labor story, plus get some pictures uploaded (not of me in labor!) :). We have two book reviews--one with a giveaway, courtesy of Cannon Press. It's all in the works. Just let me get my laundry put away first... :) Thanks for being patient with me.

(Updating to say that after I posted this, I went to one of the blogs I read regularly--Heavenly Homemakers-and Laura had posted this exact song as well. She has the song with a You Tube video on her blog, if you'd like to hear it and watch the video).

Coffee Talk: Break Time for Mom

"Most moms of young children report that it is not a single major crisis that brings them to the edge of breakdown. Rather, it is the constant accumulation of everyday hassles. With no breaks."
--Elisa Morgan & Carol Kuykendall, What Every Mom Needs

As moms, we are all in need of mercy...every single day, and several times every day. We love our children, we enjoy them, but when we're breaking up a squabble for the tenth time, or trying to keep one from biting another for the third time, or putting ice on the eye that just got a block thrown at it from a brother, or helping the one who's having a high-drama day, we grow weary. It's taxing. We crave a break. This quote sums it up perfectly: 

"Moms of preschoolers are said to be the most exhausted, fatigued, and worn-out strata of our society. Functioning on little sleep, unbalanced nutrition, little exercise, and frazzled nerves, we're expected to constantly juggle a jumble of balls without ever dropping one or losing our footing." --What Every Mom Needs

Elisa Morgan writes that "moms of preschoolers have a basic, undeniable need to take a break before they break." It doesn't have to be a long break. It can even be a mini-break--a few minutes in the midst of what otherwise feels like chaos to gain perspective. Here are some ideas:

• Feed your spirit with prayer, reading a Psalm or another portion of Scripture. Read it aloud to the kids too. Talk about redeeming the day.
• Laugh and lighten up.
• Pace yourself with chores.
• Sit down and play with the kids for a few minutes.
• Get some fresh air and exercise. Take a hike! Take the kids to the park.

Another idea, which cracked me up when I read about it because it's so true is "Wal-Marting":
"Wal-Marting goes something like this: My day has gotten progressively worse. Any slight deviation from routine sets off my temper. My children seem particularly fussy. We run out of juice midday. The kitten keeps using the couch as a scratching post. Two unexpected bills come in the mail, and I get four phone calls during naptime. I can hardly wait for my husband to get home from work. As he walks through the door and asks me how my day has been, I explain that I am in need of some alone time. He says he'll see me later. I hop in the car and head to Wal-Mart."--What Every Mom Needs

Many times, I have felt the same way. It isn't a manicure or a pedicure or a massage that I crave in those moments; my idea of a splurge is hopping over to Sam's Club or Target or Wal-Mart for a few minutes without the kids just to walk around and browse. I don't even have to buy anything. Just being somewhere alone for a few minutes, where I can look at things without also keeping on eye on the kids and answering the "Mommy, can we get this?" questions that come every few seconds, restores sanity.

All this being said, I was convicted once about the philosophy of "me-time." I wrote about it here. We must remember that Jesus said we would find our lives in laying down our lives for others. So we don't always need to escape from the house and the realities of life as mom; we just need to find a way to refresh our spirits in the midst of it all.

But still...we're not perfect as He is perfect. Sometimes we need a few minutes to get it together. (I think this is why the Internet is so popular...quick break in the midst of a hectic day). What are your favorite ways to take a break?

The Noodles of Wrath

A few months ago, I scored some pasta for free. We don't really have a pantry in our house, so I was storing the extra packages downstairs in a box. The boys' room is downstairs, too, and they often play down there.

On a rainy morning a few days ago, the boys were playing fairly well together. Of course, this always makes moms happy, and I felt a little looser about checking on them as often as usual. First mistake. Second mistake was not to get a clue when one of my boys came in the kitchen to see what I was doing, and I asked him if they were getting into mischief. "No, mommy. I just came up to check on if you were getting into mischief up here." Hilarious!

They were playing well together, but their play was mischievous. The worst act was getting into a box of whole wheat pasta, and breaking the noodles clear from one end of the basement to the other--ending in their bedroom closet. Noodles can't really be vacuumed up; they have to be picked up by hand. There were hundreds to pick up. Not a fun game of pick up sticks for a very pregnant mother. (My gracious husband took care of it later that day).

What is it about situations like this--the unexpected finds--that cause us to just completely lose it? Someone once wrote about "simmering in wrath." (Here's the article). I felt that that day. I know I needed to get out of it. "Justified anger should fade quickly with the removal of the provocation. Do not entertain the grievance overnight. If the anger lingers until nightfall it is no longer a natural reaction to injustice; it is simmering wrath." ("Angry Children")

At times like that, it's best for me to take the kids and get out of the house. Even if I'm still frustrated (which I usually am), at least the environment changes. There's other stuff to think about and focus on than what happened at home. Plus, we're in a public place, and that simple fact helps to keep our emotions and words to our children in check.

So we had some rough moments with the noodles of wrath, but we got it cleaned up--inside our hearts and in our home. Learning lessons every day...

Love this Psalm: "May your mercy come quickly to meet us, for we are in desperate need." (Psalm 79:8).