Conquering Anger with Kindness and Goodness

We're a little long today, but what would you expect for Coffee Talk Thursday? :) So pour yourself a cup and let's get to talking!

It isn’t really that hard to be kind and good toward our children. Until you walk into the bathroom you just cleaned a few minutes ago and find your two-year old pouring Johnson’s baby wash all over the toilet lid cover, down the toilet, on the floor... (This becomes more sudsy as you wipe it to clean it up). Until you go to check on your boys outside and find them playing in the garage, unscrewing bulbs from your husband’s childhood Christmas lights and then throwing them on the ground (where of course they shatter). Until you find your two-year old has gotten your expensive lipstick out of your purse and is using it as a marker to write not on paper but on the floor.

When you discover these unforeseen foibles, it takes a Herculean effort to remain both kind and good. It takes such a Herculean effort, in fact, that it is nearly impossible in our human nature. “Difficult interactions or trying experiences are not the cause of our angry reactions; rather they serve to reveal the sin that was there all along.” (Feminine Appeal).

We elevate our own desire for something (a clean home, or a few minutes to ourselves, for example), and when something—or someone—interferes with the fulfillment of that desire, we become angry because we want the thing more than we want to be kind to the person. “The evil in our desires often lies not in what we want but that we want it too much” (a paraphrase of Calvin, quoted in Feminine Appeal).

That’s why, if we are going to respond without hasty anger, we must respond in the Spirit. In order to respond in the Spirit, we must be filled with the Spirit. Otherwise, we have no hope of overcoming our natural sinful response.

To be filled with the Spirit, we must take time to withdraw from the demands of the day to meet with the Lord (I do so much better when I spend this time early before everyone’s up…but if that can’t happen, may it still happen even amidst the activity of my day).

In reading through the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5, I find it interesting that kindness and goodness are listed after peace and patience. It takes much patience to consistently respond to our children (or anyone for that matter) with kindness and goodness. Of course there are still times when we respond with discipline, but even that can be executed with kindness and goodness.

When we acknowledge our sin to God about our anger toward our children’s “creative works” and plead for His mercy to respond with kindness and goodness, He works in us for His good pleasure. I don’t understand how this all comes about, but I know it works. Only through the strengthening in my spirit that came through prayer was I able to take a deep breath and respond without yelling when I discovered the Johnson’s baby wash bathroom incident (and many others). Sure, I talked to my son about why that wasn’t a good idea and disciplined him, but I did it without an angry outburst.

In Feminine Appeal, author Carolyn Mahaney writes, “Please do not try to lift the ‘heavy objects’ of kindness and goodness on your own! You won’t be able to do it. But our heavenly Father has provided the Holy Spirit—the Helper—to assist us (John 14:26)…So let’s cease straining in our own power and turn to our Helper. Let’s ask Him for the strength and ability to demonstrate kindness and goodness. Our vigorous effort is still required, but it is only effective in cooperation with the Holy Spirit.”

Just as we train our children to not do the wrong things, we can train ourselves to not respond angrily and instead be kind and good. Remember, as we approach God's throne of grace to receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need (Hebrews 4:16), "we have God’s pledge that He will give grace to the humble (James 4:6). He will help us turn from anger and cultivate kindness.” (Feminine Appeal).

With that, I think it’s time for a cup! Your turn to talk :)