Now's the Time for Winter Clearance

One of my friends posted on Facebook that The Children's Place is having a great clearance sale right now, and it gets even better when you use the coupon code RETAILMENOT1C for an extra 15% off. Many items are $5 or less. If you need some items for next fall/winter, it's worth checking out.

Yesterday we ran to Target to pick up a few things, and they had a lot of things on clearance too--especially toys leftover from Christmas for 50% off. Winter boots hit clearance, but I stopped by a little too late and missed out on the selection (only a few sizes were left). The clearance racks were packed with kids' clothes.

I've blogged before about Sears' KidVantage program (where they will replace clothing and shoes that gets holes or tears in it while the child is still in that size). If you have time, it may be worth checking what's on clearance at Sears (prices may continue to get lower up until March). If you can get a brand-new shirt for $2.50 (or less), and you know if anything happens to it, the store will replace it with something similar, that beats thrift store prices.

Have a great day!

Coffee Talk Thursday: Stand By Your Vows

As the daughter of divorced parents, and the daughter-in-law of divorced and remarried parents, my husband and I continue to experience, first-hand, the devastating effects divorce has upon families for generations. It divides and fractures relationships, not just at the immediate time of the divorce but for years to come. 

(Photo credit) 

When we stand upon the altar, we commit before God and man to take our spouse, to "have and to hold, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part" (See more traditional vows here). 

Yet somehow, somewhere down the road, many forget that the vow is to hold--for better, for worse. In the English language, "hold" is the modifying verb. Hold for richer, hold for poorer, hold in sickness, hold in health. Where many couples fall apart is that instead of holding each other during the hard times, as they've vowed, they pull away and become distant. They fail to hold, and the union falls apart.

I think many people assume they are supposed to hold each other when something external happens to their relationship. Their union is still strong, and they're standing together through a house fire, or something like that. But I think what the "for worse" really means is when you're not getting along. When you're divided because you're having money issues or family squabbles, or trouble seeing eye-to-eye on child-rearing, housekeeping, whatever. Those times are all part of the "for worse" you vowed to hold each other through 'til death do you part. Somehow many couples are letting the "for worse" do them part.

Research shows if couples just stick it out, through the "for worse," many times they are amazed at the turn-around in their relationship with the passage of time. In fact, in a recent Focus on the Family article, couples who rated their marriages a "one" on the happiness scale (meaning the most unhappy) rated their marriage a "seven" after five years. "Was there, the article asks, "some breakthrough therapy involved?" No. In fact, many did relatively little – they just 'stuck it out' and things got better."

The article states, "To have good marriages, we need to ride out the 'lows' and learn from those times so that the relationship can be strengthened. If your relationship is at a low point and you wonder what happened to the spark, there is good news. It's not too late to revitalize your relationship."

Seeing marriages fall apart breaks my heart. I wish I could save every single one, but obviously I can't. What I can do, though, is share my experience in hopes that it changes one person's mind and saves even just one marriage.

When I was in second grade, my parents filed for a divorce. It wasn't finalized until I was in fifth grade. My previously stay-at-home mother now had to go back to school and find a job to support my sisters and I. She did her best, but our finances were tight to say the least, and many nights, I went to sleep worrying that we may end up living in a cardboard box (kids don't really know about social services to help prevent that; they just know their mother is worried about feeding them and making ends meet).   My adolescent and teen years were difficult, mainly because of all the ramifications my parents' divorce caused.

My husband's parents stuck it out until he turned 18, but delaying divorce doesn't make it better. Now that we have children, relationships with grandparents on all sides suffer as a result of divorce. My dad commits to flying out to see us quite regularly, my mom--without the financial support of my dad--cannot afford to visit but once a year (or every two years). When we visit them, we have to split the time, and feelings get hurt. On my husband's side, my father-in-law lives several states away with his wife. My mother-in-law lives several hours away with her husband on his family's ranch. While our boys' step-grandparents like--and even love--them, they are not their biological grandparents and do not feel the same pull to them that biological grandparents may. Consequently, it's not as simple as, "Honey, let's go see the grandkids next weekend." Whose grandchildren do they visit? His or hers? The grandchildren (and the grandparents) miss out, and my husband and I are both saddened that our kids are lacking close grandparent relationships.

Furthermore, research suggests that children whose parents are not married may be:

• less likely to have academic success and attend college
• less emotionally and physically healthy 
• more likely to attempt or commit suicide
• more likely to be a victim of physical or sexual abuse
• more likely to abuse drugs or alcohol
• more likely to have delinquent or behavioral problems
• more likely to divorce when they get married
• more likely to be a teen parent
• more likely to be sexually active or contract an STD
• more likely to live in poverty

 Certainly, there are conditions when divorce is permissible--when your life or the lives of your children are in danger, or in the case of adultery. But even if there was an affair, perhaps for the sake of the children, you could keep your family in tact. I would be willing to bet that, through the passage of time, trust will be rebuilt and love will grow again. Dr. Laura once said on her radio show that water and sunlight can bring a dead-looking plant back to life. Nurture and love.  As Jesus Himself taught, divorce is not God's design. His plan was that man and woman would leave their families and be joined together. "Haven’t you read,” he [said], “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Matthew 19:4-6).

So if you're at a low point, what makes marriages get better?
Going back to the Focus on the Family article:

"Researchers followed up on those couples who rated their marriages as unhappy at first and happy five years later. Here's what the couples told them were the reasons for the dramatic turnaround:

•Waiting. Since many couples have unhappy marriages due to outside pressures (like a job loss or the demands of young children), the passage of time changed those circumstances. Things just naturally got better again.

•Working at it. Many of the problems in marriage are a result of poor communication. Some couples told the researchers they simply learned to take small steps – like listening to each other – which resulted in happier marriages. For example, husbands learned to compliment wives, and wives learned to encourage husbands.

•Personal happiness/perspective change in one spouse. Sometimes, one spouse simply decided not to base all of his or her happiness on the mood of the other spouse. Instead, one spouse took up a hobby or simply made an attitude adjustment that allowed him or her to be more patient and accepting of the other.

•Credible threat of consequences for bad behavior. Some of the marriages were initially very unhappy because the husbands were engaged in "bad behaviors" – out late drinking with the boys, infidelity or even occasional abuse.4 Just as Dr. James Dobson advises in his book Love Must Be Tough, these wives took firm action and let their husbands know they would not tolerate such behavior. The husbands changed.
--Source: http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/divorce_and_infidelity/should_i_get_a_divorce/is_there_hope_for_my_marriage.aspx

Photo credit

So wherever your at today, for your sake, your children's sakes, and the sake of your future grandchildren, work at making your marriage work. Stand by your vows. Remember, the vow is to hold....'til death do us part. Have you held your spouse lately? If you're feeling there's an iceberg between you, holding him may just melt it.

(If you're already divorced, please know this article is not a condemnation against you. Again, as the child of divorced parents, I know how difficult it is. This post is meant to encourage couples who are still married to fight for their marriage to prevent the devastation of divorce).

Saving Money by Staying out of Walmart

Photo credit

I know some people have personal problems with shopping at the major chain store, Walmart. I personally do not have any problem with shopping there, but right now, for this season, I'm finding I do better financially if I stay out of the store. Since I'm intentionally working to save money by trimming grocery costs, this is a big revelation for me.

It all started a few weeks ago when I read an enlightening coupon column in the Sunday paper. The coupon expert said that most shoppers will do better shopping the sales at their local grocery store than shopping at the major chain store. The reason is because the everyday low price at a store like Walmart will be lower than 50% of items at the grocery store but higher on other items that are on sale at smaller stores. While Walmart will price match a competitor's ad, many of the sales one finds in the grocery stores are in-store specials and not advertised in the weekly flyer. 

Plus, while it may be purely psychological, when I'm going through the grocery store, I proceed with caution. I feel like the prices on some items may be higher than what I could find at say, Walmart, so I do not buy them. When I'm at Walmart, on the other hand, the selection is huge (if the products are on the shelf!), and I feel a green light to grab items I avoid at the store, simply because the price is lower. Yet, in the end, I spend more, because I'm buying more. Sure, it's a self-discipline issue, but if I know this about myself, and am trying to save money, I need to avoid temptation.  

Lately, I have been saving money by shopping at our small, local Safeway. It was built in the 1920's and hasn't changed much since. I love the fact that there's usually few people in the store at any one time (making it easier with my boys), the other shoppers are usually in their 80's (which is kind of neat, and most of them enjoy seeing young boys), and I know the cashiers--and they know me. 

Generally, I think Safeway's non-sale prices are quite high (I think Kroger has the lowest everyday prices), but recently the store has advertised some really good sales; pairing the sales with coupons (which they double to $1.00) makes for some really great deals (like .79 for a box of Cheerios). I've saved the most money, though, on dairy products. At our store, dairy is marked down 50% off five days before the expiration date. That means I've snagged gallons of milked for $1.25, yogurt for about a dollar (Yoplait 4-packs, Dannon 8-packs,  Lucerne 6 packs of 6-ounce yogurts for a mere $1.10). I've also found sour cream, cottage cheese, and blocks of cheese half-price. (I've never found dairy close to the expiration date marked down at Walmart).

I may venture into Walmart when I need laundry detergent (unless I make my own), cleaning supplies, and diapers. I may check for produce deals and grab a few items while I'm there (like dried beans), but other than that, for right now, I'll keep more money in my purse if I just say no.

What about you? Do you love to shop at Walmart, or do you find you do better with your budget if you stay out and shop your local grocery store?

(linked to What Doesn't Work for Me and Frugal Friday)

An Intentional Year

Very rarely do things just happen.  Actions are always a result of specific decisions. Even choosing not to act is, in itself, a decision. In thinking about the year ahead, whether or not one wants to call them "resolutions," it's helpful to envision what we hope to accomplish intentionally in 2011.

We can make intentional choices to better many aspects of our lives, including:

• our spiritual lives
• relationships
• finances
• health
• home-management/efficiency
• educational growth (subjects we wish to study, whether through classes or books)
• learning new skills

To accomplish growth in our desired areas, we must devise an intentional plan. Hoping to do something, and seeing if it just happens to come to pass, will not bring it to fruition. Let's identify specific things we can do each day to bring about the growth we desire.  

If I'm in the kitchen in the afternoon, I enjoy listening to Intentional Living with Dr. Randy Carlson on my kitchen radio. His theme is "the power of one thing"--asking ourselves, "What is the one thing we can do today to yield a difference in our lives?" Each day, our "one thing" may be different, but there is always at least one thing we can do intentionally in at least one of the areas I mentioned above (spiritual life, relationships, finances, etc.).

So here are a few of my intentional goals for the year ahead:

• Get dressed upon rising (harder to hit chaos first-thing)
• Blog in the morning (or evening) and then turn off the computer for the rest of the day (allowing myself a quick computer check when 2/3 boys are napping)
• Seriously save for my medical costs and the baby's
• Print off some of the massive amounts of pictures stored on our computers and work on my boys' scrapbooks
• Exercise, beyond normal active life with three little boys:), at least three days a week during my pregnancy
• Continue to find ways to trim our grocery expenses while still eating nutritiously (or more nutritiously!)

What about you? What are some of your intentional goals/resolutions for the year ahead?

(linked to Frugal Friday at lifeasmom.com)

Healthy $10 a Day Menus

As I mentioned, we always have more leftovers than I anticipate, or I think of something new to do with the leftovers, so we end up with meals planned but not made.
Here's what carries over to this week from not making it last week:
Black Bean, Rice and Cheese Casserole
White Chicken Chili
Tuna Oriental

With that, here is our healthy, financially-feasible menu for the week:

Sunday
Oven pancake
(3 eggs=.50 cents, 1 c. milk=.15 cents, 1 c. flour=.05 cents, sugar, salt=minimal)
Meal=less than $1
Roast (on sale for $1.99/lb, approximately 3 pounds=$6)
Potatoes .25 cents or less
Carrots=.25 cents
Applesauce=.50 cents
Milk=.50 cents
Meal=$7, but roast will yield at least one to two more meals

Monday
Breakfast Casserole
homemade hashbrowns: 1 lb. potatoes=.25 cents
6 eggs=$1
6 oz. cottage cheese (24 oz.on sale for $2.25, 6 oz=.56 cents)
1 c. shredded swiss cheese=1.99 (I may only use half this amount)
ham, leftover=$1
salt=minimal
Meal=$4.80 (or less depending on amount of cheese used)
----
Tuna salad sandwiches on homemade wheat bread
Tuna=.44 cents/can on sale
1 Tbsp. mayo= $2.99 jar, 72 1 T. servings=.04 cents/tablespoon
teaspoon pickle relish=minimal
stalk celery=minimal
oranges (.49 cents/pound),
milk (2.49/gallon, 16c/gallon=.15 cents/cup, kids drink 1/2 c., adults drink 2c. =.50 cents)
Homemade bread=.12 loaf, half loaf=.06 cents
Meal=$1.53
----
Shepherd's Pie (using leftover roast--cost factored in on Sunday, mashed potatoes .25 cents, broth from cooking the roast=free, green beans=.50 cents)
.75 cents
Milk=.50 cents
Meal=$1.25

Tuesday
Granola and berries=around $1 (makes a large batch)
---
Leftover shepherd's pie=$0
---
Ham and beans, cornbread, milk
Ham hock=$2,
1/2 bag of beans=.90 cents,
onion and seasonings=.50 cents
Homemade cornbread=Cornbread from freshly ground popcorn kernels ($1.48 bag @ Walmart--need only 1c.=.75 cents or less), butter, milk, sugar, one egg=approximately $1.25
Milk=.50 cents
Meal=$5.15

Wednesday
Overnight Yeast Waffles, milk
1-3/4 c. milk=.30 cents
stick butter=.75 cents
2 c. flour=.10 cents
2 eggs=.50 cents
1T. sugar, 1-1/2 tsp. instant yeast, 1 tsp. salt, 1 tsp. vanilla=minimal
milk to drink=.50 cents
Meal=$2.15
---
Leftover ham and bean soup, cornbread=$0
---
Spicy Rice, Bean and Cheese casserole:
.50 cents for rice
.50 cents for beans (cook half a bag of black beans)
.50 cents for one can diced tomatoes
$1.25 for cheese
approximately.25 cents for onion and garlic
.77 cents for one avocado on sale

Meal= $3.77

Thursday
Oatmeal $6.60 bulk bag @ Sams=100 1-cup servings=.06 cents/serving
5 servings=.30 cents
Bananas on sale for .39 cents per pound
Milk=.50 cents
Meal=$1.19

---
Leftover bean, rice and cheese casserole on homemade wheat tortillas=.12 cents
$1.25 Mango
=$1.37
---
The splurge meal!: Roast Beef with peppers, onions and potatoes
Roast on sale for $3.49/pound=$8.73, but will be used for at least two meals, so $4.37 for this meal
2 Peppers @$1.79 each=3.58
Onion=$1
New Potatoes=$1.49 for one pound
Meal=$10.44

Friday
Veggie scramble, toast
6 eggs=$1
splash of milk and salt=minimal
using leftover red and yellow peppers from dinner=0, cost factored in yesterday
toast using homemade bread=.06 cents
Meal=a little over $1
---
Spinach, beef and mango wraps
Beef=$2.17 (or less, depending on amount used)
Spinach=$2
Mango=$1.25
2 limes=.50 cents
Package of whole wheat tortillas=$2.89
Meal=$8.84
---
Leftovers=free

Saturday
Pancakes, juice
less than $1
Juice=$1
Meal=less than $2
----
Use extra beef, add cheese and veggies to make a roll-up for lunch=$0 (costs previously factored in)
apples=.80 cents/pound
---

White chicken chili, tortillas or tortilla chips

1 pound chicken=$1.49
2 cans Great Northern Beans=$1.60 (cheaper to cook your own)
Homemade broth=free
Onion and garlic=.50 cents
Cream/milk=$1
Tortilla chips=$2, tortillas minimal
Meal=$6.60
Sunday:
Peanut butter baked oatmeal
Meal=less than $1
---
Hamburgers $1.99/lb.
Buns=$1/package
Oven fries=potatoes .25 cents for one pound (10# bag=2.50) plus oil and seasonings, minimal cost;
salad=$1, homemade dressing=.50 cents
Meal=$3.75
---
Tuna Oriental, rice, milk

Tuna=.44 cents/can
Rice=.50 cents
Cream of mushroom soup=.60 sale
Celery, onion=.25 cents
Milk=.50 cents
Meal=$2.29
As far as snacks are concerned, we usually eat apple slices, cheese cubes, walnuts, pistachios, yogurt, etc.  I plan to make Cranberry-Apricot Granola bars, apricot-oatmeal cookies, and perhaps some muffins too.  In my first trimester with a growing baby, I find myself getting famished by about 4pm, so I either have to think of a substantial snack then, or just eat dinner earlier! How do you deal with the ravenous pregnancy appetite that can hit at times?

Visit orgjunkie.com for more menu planning ideas!