Thursday, January 28, 2010

Even Though Your Husband's a Big Boy, He Still Needs You

Coffee Talk Thursday

Recently, I received the following comment on a post:
Anonymous said...

Wow, your second priority is loving and honoring your husband? What about taking care of your kids. Your husband is a big boy. He can take care of himself. Geez.
So I responded:
Hi husband was here before our kids, and he'll be here after our kids leave. Together we work hard to take care of our kids. We work hard to take care of each other. Life feels better that way.

You're right. He can take care of himself. But as his wife, I enjoy taking care of him.

If you read this, I encourage you to read this post (it's all about being our husband's girlfriends).

I feel sorry for Anonymous--for her attitude toward her husband, and for her husband. Obviously, I don't know the details, but I guarantee you that when we consistently leave our husband to fend for himself, cracks start appearing in the foundation of our marriage. Ignore those cracks long enough, let them grow bigger, and I don't need to tell you it's only a matter of time before the whole thing comes crumbling down.

If a wife consistently puts her children over her husband, because after all "he's a big boy, he can take care of himself," what happens when he decides he really can take care of himself and packs up and moves out? Would she wish then that she would have taken a little better care of him while he was still under the same roof?

Because I love my husband, I desire to honor him and show him how much I care about him. I enjoy making his breakfast, lunch and dinner (and for the kids too). I try to do other special little things for him. And guess what? When we serve and esteem our husbands, it often comes back to us in good ways. Maybe he'll reciprocate with a surprise of his own for you. At least there's a better chance he will if you're treating him kindly.

The Bible says that man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his own wife, and they will become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). Although we birth our children from our bodies, it is only from the intimate union with our husbands that these children come. Simply by degrees of separation, our husbands are closer to us than our children.

That's not to say that we dote on our husbands at the expense of our children. The very nature of raising little ones often means that more time will be devoted to them than to our spouse. Even so, the key is the attitude of our heart. While we are indeed busy taking care of our children, sad is the day we grow so busy that we stop taking care of our husband. He's a big boy, but deep down inside, he's still a little boy craving the love and affection of the girl that so captured his heart, he wanted desperately to marry her. Don't ever forget you said yes.

Sharing With:
Raising Homemakers 
The Alabaster Jar


  1. Oh This is a great post! My heart is bubbling over and I am so looking forward to a change in my thinking and ultimately a change in my marriage. My marriage is not on the brink of anything right now but what a wonderful way to cement the strong foundation and build up solid walls of love.

  2. I love this post. After I read Debi Pearls book, Created to be his Help Meet - our marriage (and my life) changed for the better. You are right on so many levels. I too feel bad for those other husband's out there who live with women who are too proud and/or too selfish. I love how you wrote that our husbands were here before the children and that he'll be here after the children are gone. SO true!

  3. GREAT post. And the greatest way to take care of our kids is to take care of our marriage. Even secular psychologists attest to that.

  4. I'm in the amen corner on this post also (the one on taking care of your man).

    My life revolves around my children (as does my husbands...) but we both realize that we have to put each other first. I have an awesome husband and I genuinely enjoy taking care of him and doing for him. I need to find more ways to "spoil" my man, but trust me, my kids don't need anymore spoiling, lol.

    So many women that I know of make their children little gods, completely ignoring the man who vowed to love her for better or worse. Those kids will grow up move away one man is here till death parts us.


  5. I agree with everything you've said, but I do have a slight issue with "...what happens when he decides he really can take care of himself and packs up and moves out?

    A grown man really can take care of himself and is probably not staying in the marriage just because his wife is looking after him. There are many times when the children will naturally take up more of the wife's time and I'd hate to think that by letting my husband "fend for himself" a little bit he will decide to bail on my marriage.

    Couples should look after each other, and husbands should recognise that when their wives' time is necessarily consumed by the needs of the children that's the time he should step up and help her a bit.

    I felt compelled to write my opinion because I hear and read too often lately that if a wife doesn't pray hard enough, read her bible hard enough, teach her children hard enough, love her husband hard enough, work hard enough and sacrifice hard enough AND look after her figure hard enough AND "find time for herself" hard enough then it is somehow HER fault that the marriage crumbles and the children turn out bad.

  6. What about if the woman is feeling overwhelmed like everyone needs a piece of her and there is no time for her needs? That's how I feel sometimes... that there is always someone who needs something and there isn't five minutes to have a quiet bubble bath or just have a little peace without someone needing help with their homework or a bedtime story or hubby coming home from work at midnight and wanting a hot meal when he gets in... sometimes serving everyone just seems a bit too stretching. At times I wish hubby would understand and that Mum's would get a break, now and then too! I am sure if I had a bit more space then I could be a better wife and mother to everyone!

  7. Hi Denise,
    I know that can be very stretching. It can make me grouchy when I feel pulled in too many directions. I try to remember that "the joy of the Lord is my strength," and I pray and ask God to fill me with His supernatural strength through the Holy Spirit to meet the tasks I have to do, and do them with a joyful attitude, instead of a resentful one. I am trying to get up a few minutes earlier to have a few minutes alone. I don't do this every day, but if you're able, you may find it helpful.

    Ideally, service would be mutual--that as you serve your husband, he would be more likely to serve you too. Could he watch the kids for you for awhile so you could get that bubble bath in (even if it's the middle of the day/sounds like he might work nights), or get a few minutes by yourself??

    If that is not possible, you could always let your kids watch a little video for a few minutes so you can get a break.

    Then I think it's helpful to have a perspective find joy in the seemingly mundane things we do with and for our families: to view reading a bedtime story to our kids to be as fulfilling as sitting down by ourselves to read a magazine, instead of wishing instead we could be reading by ourselves. I am reminding myself of these things too.

    If you need to talk more, please feel free to email me.

  8. Great post, Cheryl. So glad you came by and linked up with The Alabaster Jar!